Can't afford to take any bad decisions no more!
Life became to a certain point where everything I think about is 'careful'. Most of them surround by my family and the center is my son.
While talking with a friend the other day I surprisingly noticed how different our thoughts are. I came a long way from a messy lifestyle. Probably messy is not the perfect word, let's say 'having the guts to take bad decisions'. I know that she is not but I'm who changed; my life changed me.
Do I miss those days when I can live carefreely? Do we all stand at a certain point in life when we look back and regret why we didn't spend more time that way? Or sometimes regret those decisions too?
I believe it goes either way, no?
If you asked me the same question I would probably answer, it depends on the situation. Most of the time I feel too blessed to have the way my life is. But it would not be honest if I say there's no time when I don't think about going back and living the life I spent earlier. Maybe I wouldn't choose the same thing but I would love to live some carefree moments again.
All these feelings let me sometimes question myself if I'm truly a family person, you know what I mean. Because I have seen my dad used to go through the same struggle. It feels like one portion of me always live somewhere else, my mind is always scattered here and there. And the major portion is serving the family with a suffocating feeling.
You can easily guess, I never confess this anywhere. Can you guess how much chaos it will bring if I tell this to my loved one?
I decided to keep it a secret!
The questions always keep going around my head. Do you all feel the same or I'm the black sheep? Is it normal to live with this contradiction?
There's no way I could live with my family. But there's something that tells me to do so! This is not a dilemma but more like a bipolar thing, probably.
I'm hiding, I'm pretending; on the other hand, I love this life too. I tell myself, it's okay to not afford no more to make bad decisions. It's okay to be a commoner...
Thank u for sharing. We all undergo some changes too. Me, I'm also in transition. I've gone pass your stage and now... I'm really struggling but it's all worth the step? Ammm... What I hate is that I wasn't prepared financially because I was living in an illusion. True worth the step but I really wish I was financially suitable. I'm in a crisis... hahaha!