@rebeysa85 31 August 2021 more from that month

A dream or a longing?? Last night I had a dream. I dreamed about a guy who I used to date but nothing came out of it. Well, not nothing but lets just say that it wasn't the expected outcome. This is something that always happens to me, I always dream with people long gone in my life, but in my dreams they always seem to be like they portrayed to be in reality when actually they weren't. Is it a longing of mine in regards to them or is it in general?

Source https://introvertdear.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/sehnsucht-introvert-770x470.jpg Ever since I was a teen, my so called "Love life" has been a mess. Later I'll share a story with you about the first years, but lets focus on my adult life. I've never had a long tern relationship, never! The most I've lasted with someone was two months before he ended it via text message, brave huh? At first I thought that it was me, that something was wrong with me that made me unloveable, and I talked to my friends, both male and female and they said that it was not my problem ***"If that bastard don't recognize what he has in front of him that's his lost"*** and I was like Aww, so cute my friends. Then I thought ***"Hey, they love me, are they telling me the truth or are they just being nice trying not to hurt my feelings?"*** and because I don't like question marks, I asked if they were telling me the truth, and they were, but, one of them had something to add: ***You are too honest! Everytime a guy is talking nice to you and praising you beauty (lol) or how funny you are or anything, you always say tell them to drop the BS and say what they want up front, and that scares them away.*** I actually agreed with her, and started to believe that it was a self sabotage mechanism in order to protect myself from heartache, I mean, if you know what you're getting yourself into, the blow doesn't hurt as much as if would hurt if you don't see it coming, right? So I stayed calmed and the next time a guy approached me I let him go through the entire script of conquest, offering me to take me to the moon and back just because I was one of a kind. The next time he asked me out was to go for a drink, just like when we met, I didn't like it but I was trying to change my own script so I went, but it turns out that he wanted to take advantage of me and at the end of the night he tried to forcefully kiss me and more. The next few days he tried to apologize several times and ended up asking me out again, to drink. I said to him that maybe we should go to grab a cup of coffee or to see a movie or anything but drink, and he stopped texting and I didn't heard from him again. Another faliure and all I did was respect myself in front of a treatening man. And then I thought about what my friend had said months before.What's wrong with beign straight foward, what's wrong with that? I should let a man pursue his wrongful conquest to get into my pants just to show people that I'm accesible and not intimidating? I think not, that's not me. Years later, back at home, I met a guy, beautiful, wow, beautiful, and started talking and stuff and after a few months we became BF and GF. He was the first and only man I had brought home and my parents were trilled! **Finally somebody took on the challenge!** That lasted two months, he send me a text saying that it was over, a month later said that he wanted to marry me but that my dad teased him to much, and that we didn't spent much time alone (we worked together), and years later I found out that he was cheating on me with a girl ten years younger than me. Now, in 2017, a good friend of mine came to town to visit his parents and since I havent seen him in a couple of years I said yes when he asked me out. We spent hours talking and I began to feel something towards him. He had confesed to me in the past that he was "In love with me" but I didn't saw him that way, but this time, at the end of the night he said that his feelings where the same and I gave him a chance, but as it turns out, he wanted me at his beck and call but when it was me doing the calling he wasn't available. A month later he send me a picture from Dominican Republic. He left and didn't told me. Three months later I had a close encounter with the guy of my dream last night. We had been texting for several months but nothing to big, he just said that I was interesting, and blah blah blah, same story with the others. It just keeps repeating over and over again and I don'r understand why. I hadn't dated anyone since 2018, because of time and because I don't trust anybody. I'm far from perfect but why this things always happen to me? And then I found myself dreaming about these people who made me doubt about me and my selfworth, and I wonder, am I missing them or the idea of what could have been? Something to think about, right? ***Thank's for reading me!*** ✨✨***Blessings***✨✨