What would my life be if I lost the ability to speak my mind? Better yet, to speak at all.
Would I be happier? Or would I be miserable?
It doesn't matter really, nobody hears me anyway. My words are just as invisible as my body. The sheer volume of my voice could not break the barrier that separates me from everyone else.
I remember the time I was in the middle of the fields shouting to the pawns that a storm was coming, and no one heard me.
I remember when my sweetheart laid beside me as saw me crying then turned his back at me like I wasn't there.
I remember when I spit my lungs out to my teachers because I knew the answers to all their questions and they ignored me.
I remember the time when I told my therapist that I had been raped and abused and beaten and she only said "Your hour is done".
Anyway, I wonder what would it be not to be able to speak, maybe there would not be any difference, if I cannot speak, I can't communicate and I don't exist. However, I can speak, and still, no one hears me, so what good is that?
That's why I decided not to listen to anyone...
Not the pawns at the fields seeking shelter from the storm I tried to warn them about...
Not my sweetheart when he was complaining about his burned food...
Not my teachers when they wanted me to quit smoking in class...
Not my therapist when she begged me not to denounce her for prescribing drugs to non-patients...
Not even the people who screamed at me not to jump...
Now all is quiet, now I don't have to worry if I'm heard, now, I'm in peace, enjoying my silence.
This story is not related to me, is related to all the people who at one point had been desperate to be heard and no one would listen. To those who in their despair had done the unthinkable just looking a way out, a way to end the pain to be ignored, to be dismissed, to feel invisible.
If anyone has gone through something like this, don't stop shouting, don't stop screaming, keep trying because at one point, when you least expect it, someone will hear you.
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November 5th, 2021.
The world is full of people who are simply selfish fools. What's the old saying? You can't fix stupid. I will still speak my mind, and if no one listens? Well, so be it. But I also won't allow their negativity to become mine.