Throught history, there have been many many characters who have made a name for themselves by making wrong decisions that have affected others greatly. Maybe their motivations were pure at first, and in their minds they knew that what they were doing was right, but those affected didn't had the chance to be heard and considered, and ultimately, they caved.
A somewhat dramatic introduction, right? But I just believe that, in some level, not all people that turn out to be illbehaved come from vicious thoughts, as I said, in their minds, they are convinced that they are right and if nobody agrees with them, is everyone who's wrong, not them. Such is the case of my Ex-Boss and her deranged mind.
Yesterday I submitted my resignation letter in person, and my intention was to in addition, leave everything cristal clear in terms of the institutional situation. The answer I got was phenomenal to say the least, the President was visibly upset as she was made aware that my decision is imminent and that I have no intentions what so ever to change it. The Principal was visibly angry and had a passive-agressive attitude; she presided the meeting and started by saying that "She didn't see that coming". She then recriminated me about the fact that I hadn't even put out to them the possibility of a resignation, that the news to her were shocking and that she was in a state of disbelief. The President tryed to side with her until I spoke for the first time.
My first reply to the claim was that I didn't have to say anything to anybody until I was absolutely sure of the decision I was taking. On the other hand, my decision shouldn't be a surprise to her, maybe for the president sure, but not to her, because I have been saying since January 2021 that I'm at a breaking point and that I want to leave. That's right, since January I've been flirting with the idea of leaving. She knew this, so, why the surprise?
She then said that she doesn't understand my reasons, (even though she complusively said that she respected them), because if my feelings are like they were on January, she believes that everything was fine since then and no harm no fowl. No Mrs, that's far from the truth: I stayed on the promise that the staff was going to make an effort to help me out with all the obligations of the administrative department and that didn't happen. "Well, we don't know anything about your job and what you do, and we can force the other lady to do it because she doesn't live here and have trouble to come when needed". This from the person who makes me report to her even how may farts I shoot per day.
She then spoke about the history of the foundation and the people who created it and blah blah blah, and then said something that bothered me: She spoke about "sense of belonging" that challenges must be taken and the people, including her, have done just that because they had a sense of belonging.
Are you impliying that I don't have that?
I breathed and calmed myself down thinking: she is crazy, don't even bother to answer to that. She kept blabbering for about 30min and we left. In the afternoon, the President came to my house to talk, at my request, because I didn't wanted to hear another word from the old hag. She stayed for about 4 hours talking to me and to resume, she said that she is scared that with me gone, the hag will start to do crazy things with the little money we have, and all of my work will be lost.
My mom, who is a out of practice lawyer, explained to her that until the Founders Assembly doesn't accept her resignation and decide to change the President, she is by law, the highest authority and legal representative of the institution, and if not to save the foundation, she had to step up for herself because her name is at stake. If the hag does a mismanagement of the resources, she can allege that the President was aware and she was the first one to fall.
I heard all of her words and then showed her some parts of my work: she was speachless because as I was showing her the formats, files and systems with an explanation on the side, she didn't understand nohing. I also told her some of the stuff that the Mrs has put me through over the years and as she was leaving she said "I don't know how you lasted this long". Of course, nobody knows the holes on the roof of the neighbor until one is standing beneath them, was my reply.
I lasted this long because of my ethics, my principles, my upbringing and my sense of belonging. That's the only reason I stayed, that's the only reason I put up with humiliation after humiliation, because I had a commitment with the institution that alowed me to grow as a classical musician and opened up it's doors to my knowing my illness when others had shot me down. And what neither of them understand is this: I'm quiting the General Director job, I'm giving back the administrative responsabilities of the Foundation, but I'm still going to play with the orchestra, and most of all, I'm a member of the Founders Assembly, which means that the hag has to report to me if I ask her to.
This morning I went to the Budget and Planning Secretary to deliver some documents they asked yesteday urgently, and I took the opportunity to anounce that I had quited two days ago, and that I'm only doing the delivery because there is still no one to assume my position, so I still have to do it. They were also in shock and basicly said that I had to keep getting my salary until they found a new person, since I'm still doing the job, and that when they do, I have to receive a salary as well as a musician, and that they will make sure that happens.
My old boss, the man who gave me the job, also said that he has a fear that with me gone the President and the Hag will make wrongful decisions, so he asked me to leave the doors open for my return in a matter of months, or the time that takes me to heal and get the peace that I need.
So, it's clear to me that everyone knew that I'm the one that's been holding up the institution, not the hag, me, and she keeps saying that she does the work even if no one sees it. The small drama of my introduction is because I am convinced that in her head there is no reason that is worth more than hers, that her actions are the most appropriate and that she is the only one who has sacrificed and made an effort for what she has accomplished in life. The rest of us are simple pawns that she likes to move at her convenience, when we serve her we are excellent but when not, we are traitors. And sadly that attitud is the main reason why there is fear among the remaining few, that my exit and her final rise to power will mean the end of all of them.
Fun Fact: As I'm writing this article she send me through my mom's whatsapp number, an information regarding a vaccination chart that I have to fill on her behalf . The audacity, right?
I suppose all you can do is rejoice in the fact that September is right around the corner and soon it will be no more. :)