read.cash is a platform where you can earn money for your articles and comments. You can get paid upvotes
from other users or just earn points for writing articles and comments, which are converted daily to
Bitcoin Cash (BCH) cryptocurrency, which can be used on the Internet or converted to your local money.
We often hear that one thing we need in life is love. Is that really so? What happens in situations when we have love but the person we love has completely different attitudes and affinities compared to ours?
Why love is not enough
When two people love each other strongly, but have significantly different ideas or concepts of the relationship, then strong emotions will make the relationship unstable. - For the proper upbringing and independence of children with many kisses and tenderness, discipline is also necessary. Whether it is about partner love, or about raising children, we can often hear statements that it is most important and quite enough for people to love each other strongly. How true is such a belief and does it really correspond to reality?
For an emotional relationship and for marriage, love is necessary, but it is by no means enough. The reason for this is that people have different ideas about what a relationship, if it is really based on love, should look like. If two people love each other strongly, but if they have significantly different ideas or concepts of a relationship, then strong love will not only not be enough, but the exact opposite will be what makes their relationship unstable. The greater the distance between close people, the more tolerant they are of certain differences between them. However, when they are very close to each other, when they try to be "one", then even the smallest difference in their behavior can be "read" as a lack of love.
And they love and quarrel
A good example that love is not enough are those couples who opt for partner or marital therapy. They love each other strongly, but they get into a fight with each other in order to make the other partner fit into their idea of how the partner he loves and with whom they are in a relationship should behave. When a partner's behavior does not fit into their performance, they feel insufficiently loved, which is why, directly or indirectly, they require the partner to change the behavior and fit. This is similar to jealousy, where a jealous person thinks that the problem is not in their jealousy, but in the partner's behavior that "makes" them jealous.
That is why they try to force their partner to behave in the "right" way, because then they do not feel jealous. In other words, in both cases, the person thinks that he will get rid of bad feelings if he makes his partner change his behavior and start behaving "properly". The dilemma is: If he loves me, why doesn't he change his behavior when he sees how much it bothers me? The partner who feels more betrayed, because things are not as he imagined, is often more aggressive in his demands. The other partner, as a rule, reacts defensively to that, so that the couple quarrels, gathering objections, which makes them, despite the love they feel, unable to establish a quality, stable and long-lasting relationship.
One of the ways to prevent numerous partner problems is to look at the partner in addition to the person and how he imagines the relationship, ie. cohabitation. Many enter into relationships and marriages without knowing what the partner's attitude is towards important life issues: having children, raising them, saving money, material goods, health, etc. That is why it happens that they are later unpleasantly surprised when they realize that there were differences that they did not think about in time.
Another solution is partner therapy where the couple, with the help of an expert, becomes aware of the differences between them and learns ways to overcome them to the extent that will allow them to build a common concept of relationship that is "comfortable" for both parties.
Although love is a necessary element of a parent's relationship with a child, it is not enough for a child to be properly raised and prepared for independent living. In order to fulfill his educational role, the parent must prepare the child, which means that he must enter into conflicts with him: to thwart some of the child's desires and to force him to perform some actions that are useful and unpleasant to the child. Another element of this relationship is discipline: setting boundaries for the child between what is allowed and what is not, as well as forcing the child to develop hygienic and work habits. Today, it is clear that the formula for optimal upbringing is: love plus discipline.
Powerful, but not omnipotent
Parents who offer only love not only do not contribute to the proper development of the child, but distort its development in the direction of the spoiled syndrome or the overprotected syndrome. Love is a powerful force and a significant motivator, but it is not omnipotent. Too many times in our childhood we have heard stories about how love and goodness overcome all the evil of this world. That is why the notion of triumphant love as the strongest force broke out of our collective unconscious. Unfortunately, everyday life shows that this is not the case and that love is not enough.