Hello everyone, how are you guys? I hope everything is great with the help of our dear Lord. Despite of pandemic again and again I hope we are all okay and still fighting. Without further ado lets go to my main topic. But please if you don't want some dramas and sentiments you can skip this one.

One of the most hurtful things someone can ever do to you is break your trust. Whether it’s in frienship or in love, people need to trust one another in order to have a harmonious, sustaining relationship. That feeling of security and warmth simply cannot exist with deceit, disloyalty, or lies.

Fooled me

I am widely awake for the whole night and still awake until now 5:09 AM exactly at this time when I am writing this because one of the most important person in my life fooled me again. He said its just a small things but my point is yes it is a small things but the big thing and the big issue is his loyalty. We are always talking over the phone but he didn't tell me about this thing. And suddenly I knew this issue from the other person, so it means he trust this girl rather than me. He is the person I trust the most and he is the person who betrayed me again.

I feel like someone stabbed me on my back when I find out the truth, not one knife but million. I suddenly feel cold and could do nothing but to cry. It's hurting me bigtime. After I said the issue to him I blocked him in all my social media account but he is texting me sorry and asking for forgiveness. He called many times but I ignored. I don't really know if I can accept his explaination because I feel like he will tell all lies. Once the trust is broken, it is hard to go back to the same way like before.

But if you see his explaination he always insist that it is just a small things at ako lang daw ang nagpapalala. It's not about whether small or big things, ita all about the loyalty and sincerity. I feel like Im a trash..

Second chance?

My problem now is can I give him second chance or rather say third chance? Actually its not the first time he did that to me and I always forgive him but this time I dont know if I can forgive. I am kind but I can be a demon if you triggered my demon inside.

My heart crushed and I dont know if it will go back to the same piece again. I have a trust issue before because of my ex boyfriend did to me. And when my trust to someone back, this happened again. I am tired of his lies and alibis. Sometimes I feel like is it because of money? Because honestly I am broke right now. Before I can help him in financial issues but right now I can't. Is the loyalty shifted because I am broke? So what do you call in that relationship? Friends with benefits? Because I have nothing thats why he changed? Is loyalty can be buy with money? Kung nabibili pala ang loyalty sana matagal ko ng ginawa yun at pinagipunan....Huhuhu.. I have many questions in my mind, I am questioning myself if I am wrong. I feel like a shit, I feel like I'm a trash. It hurts.......

How to trust again?

And because I am Catholic and have faith in God, I always think what Jesus did. If God has forgiven, who am I to not do that. But honestly as of now I can't. The wound is still fresh and I am bleeding. Maybe time will heal the wound but when that time comes I don't really know If I can trust him anymore.

Let time and compassion slowly mend my broken relationships. Don’t think of it in terms of trusting again. Of course you won’t, especially since you’ve been betrayed many times over. Instead, find it in your heart to forgive yourself. Then, slowly when you are ready, you can forgive others, too.

Thank you my dear readers again and again. Im sorry if I am ranting my sentiments and feelings in this very early in the morning. I can't help it. Im sorry for my typos and errors. Until on my next one.. ♥️mhy09

IT HURTS
60th article of mhy09
January 13, 2022

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Childhood Friends

No choice!

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