@mhel_dita 19 April 2022

My thoughts and worries....

After the happiness that I felt the moment that my pregnancy was confirmed, I have lot of thoughts and worries that circulated at the back of my mind. I was so excited that finally the God gave us what we are praying for, and worries at the same time if we could be a good parents or can we provide all the things that she need. On the start of my pregnancy journey, me and my husband already decided on which hospital I am going to deliver our baby, since 2 of my relatives delivered their babies on that hospital and they recommend their OB as one one the best plus the fact that its the cheapest private hospital near in our place (since the nearest public hospital decline me because I am at high risk and they endorse me to the other public hospital which is served as one the covid center in NCR which I do not want to try since I heard lots of negative things about that hospital). So me and my husband chose the private hospital, at first I am not worrying since we still have funds, but this past few weeks I started to worry since all our savings was already dried up because of additional expenses such as laboratories fees, vitamins and medicine. We even cannot paid the money that we borrowed to my father in law, since my husband's income is not enough anymore for all our expenses. That's the time that I talked to my husband if we really can afford the hospital that we chose, yes I will receive a maternity benefit but is this will be enough to cover all the expenses that we will be facing? Since I asked one of my relative who delivered her baby last year how much they paid, and it shocked me that for a normal delivery they paid almost 70K! Its simply because of the pandemic, there are lots of extra fees. This made me overthink until now that made me stressed, since my father had a mild stroke few weeks ago, I cannot ask for my brother's help since he is already the one who finances our parents. So I decided to ask about the public hospital which is the center of pandemic, but unfortunately I heard lots of negative things about it. We want to be practical but we want to ensure my safety and safety of our baby. I also looked for alternative hospital but all public hospitals are really far in our place. In times like this I know that God is in control but it doesn't remove all the worries that I feel. I do not want to open up the worries that I felt to my husband coz I do not want him to feel the stress that I am feeling right now. I am trying to feel at ease and not worry at all but it always hits me everytime that I am alone, I can't help it but to overthink especially that I felt some symptoms of pre eclampsia. Some said its always mind over matters but there are time we are in a situation that we cannot control our mind despite of all the prayers that we did. Despite of all my worries I am excited to meet our little one. We hope and we prayed for my safe and normal delivery 😊