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In one of my bible subjects, we were tasked to remember the time when we chose to forgive someone or when someone forgave us that it made us feel better. It was supposed to be a group sharing activity however, I wasn't able to attend the class so it was given as a homework instead. I'd like to share it here and would like to read more of your insights on this topic: forgiveness.
This is just superficial thoughts about forgiveness since I tried to recall some major happenings in my life and luckily, my heart is still fully reserved and haven't been shattered by someone. Cause I don't want it yet lol.
How forgiveness brought healing to my damaged emotions?
Every day is a test of patience of for me. Honestly, I am slightly short-tempered person so even if it seems too small or not big deal for others, I would take it personally and think too much about it. No matter how I say it's fine or it doesn't matter, the truth is, it killed me deep inside. Nonetheless I would rather suffer in silence than share it with anyone.
No family is perfect, that's a fact. I’ve had multiple misunderstandings with my siblings and even with my parents for several times. I got hurt with their double edged words but I wouldn’t address it to them and keep it to myself instead. And even if they did hurt me in some ways, I chose to forgive them silently for my own peace of mind too because as what the saying goes, blood is indeed thicker than water.
[But for the love of Heavens, to parents out there, don't let your child suffer from the trauma of your words. If you have problems within the family, try to address it. Don't hurt your child then act as if nothing's wrong afterwards. Communication is important.]
If you were to choose, which of these are the hardest thing to do in the forgiveness process?
- No long longer blame them
- Let them off and let bygones be bygones
- Drop the charges
- Decide to forgive and overlook the hurt
Forgiveness is something not everyone can do. In fact, I have my utmost respect to those people who can forgive easily because I, myself, is a person who can’t grant forgiveness in an instant. Of course there were variations in forgiving depending on the degree of someone’s offense to me. I tend to forgive on minor details but I am very strict with my boundaries and I know where I should draw the line.
Those things mentioned above were all hard to do when forgiving someone but if I were to pick only one from it, I’d choose the last one. I keep hearing these words “I can forgive but I will never forget” to those people who have been hurt deeply by someone they love and I think I could agree with it.
I would like to quote one of Taylor Swift's iconic lyrics in Bad Blood, "Band aids don't fix bullet holes. You say sorry just for show."
One cannot overlook the deep cut that has been caused by someone even if you loved the person to death. Like how you cannot mend a shattered glass, you cannot just say sorry, no matter how sincere you are, and expect to go back like how you guys used to before. No, it doesn't work that way; we're humans bound to feel emotions and one of it was to feel pain emotionally.
Forgiving is what strong people do but healing and taking some of your time to fully recover from the trauma of the past is another story to tell.
And I think we should all respect one’s healing process no matter how long it takes.
Side note: I’ve realized how loving and forgiving God is. We have hurt and sinned from Him multiple times and yet He always chose to forgive and shower us with blessings every day. And for that, I am extremely and deeply honored and thankful for having someone love me more than I could ever do to myself.
What about you, how far can you go in forgiving someone?
Will you be able to overlook the pain that has been caused to you?