Looking back.

Looking back

Looking back at the decisions that I’ve done, would have I ever done better?

Every night I keep myself awake, thinking about the times where I fucked things up; where I totally destroyed my opportunities to get better in life.

Did I truly have a choice?

I chose to run away from problems that seem so big for me to conquer, only to be cornered in a cul de sac a few years later.

Why am I so naive?

Every night I think that, “Is life really worth that living?” I hopefully cling on to those motivational quotations made by successful people, knowing that somehow It will get better.

But does it?

It doesn’t fade away; we’d just lock the feeling up in a prison inside ourselves hoping it doesn’t destroy our day. Besides, it’s ironic we’d put up a prison when he can just get out whenever he likes.

Especially in our darkest times.

They say to have faith in to the gods above, when faith is subjective and vary much to our philosophies and ideologies.

But still we pray.

Hypocrisy is one virtue given to humankind, to be connected to their own ways of survival.

As we survive, we learn to adapt to our own environment. We grow, we prosper, and thrive.

Taming the beast that we’ve kept in prison, to never overcome us in any way.

I still thank for every passing day that I’ve lived, to enjoy the positive energy that life has to give.

But seeing the negative side speaks of reality that makes me want to dive in deep.

I shall never, ever, ever let myself to those depths of darkness again.

Because,

Looking back, I almost drowned

Looking back, history repeats itself.

Looking back, I pity myself for understanding too deep.

Looking back, naivety kills

Looking back, Did I truly have a choice?

-Marcmire