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30 November 2021

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Written by   80
8 months ago
Topics: Diary, Freewriting, Life

Dear Diary, 

It’s been a long while since I wrote to you. I apologize. I have neglected you for so long. I used to write to you every night when I was in school and quite often when I was in college. But when I started working, it sucked the life out of me literally and I allowed it. My bad. I realized that after some years through. At the beginning, it was in the name of learning but after some time, it was pure stupidity. In the midst of it all, I forgot about you. How heartless of me to forget the one who was with me all the time when I was happy or sad, through thick and thin, allowing me to pen my deepest thoughts and darkest secrets.

Oh wait, I think I wrote (or rather, type to you - advancement of technology, tsk tsk) to you a couple of months ago about some dream I had or was it something from the past, I can’t remember now. But now that I think about it, all those memories from school and college seemed so small and trivial nowadays compared to all the experiences that I have collected over the years. Maybe someday, I will tell you about it. It will be some form of going back into time. I hope to come back to you every now and then whenever I can. You know what, I must make time for you and I will (I hope).

Let me skip through all the years that have passed and give you a quick one for now, specifically on this online training that I have gone through. To begin with, very recently, about a few weeks ago, I was enrolled into a two weeks intensive online training. I thought it would be a breeze, you know, just log on and listen to the presenter. How hard can it be right? But boy was I wrong. It wasn’t easy staring at the laptop screen for 8 hours everyday including weekends and trying to make sense of the materials that were presented to us, materials that were totally new and foreign which I had no prior knowledge of.

I should be excited and I was quite frankly. Interesting shouldn’t it be? To learn something brand new, to start something fresh. At first I was all pumped up for the training after being dormant for quite some time. But after two days of this, my mind started to doze off during the class and I have to tell you, it was rather embarrassing. Maybe it was age, maybe it was the content, maybe it was the presenter themselves with content so dry and technical. But luckily, being in an online training meant I was able to reposition the camera to a point that I can sort of hide in the shadows.

What started off as a simple thought of just joining the training and learning whatever that can be absorbed by the little brain became quite real when there were assignments after assignments, quizzes after quizzes, exercises after exercises and a final presentation at the end of it. It was also then, I realized how fast time flies. After every hour of the training, they would give a five minutes break. That five minutes zoomed by so fast that I couldn’t even comprehend how fast it was.

When lunch time came, it was an hour of it and I looked so much forward to it, But I have never realized how short an hour can be for a meal, especially when you needed to track it. With a blink of an eye, twenty minutes passed into prep time and the remaining time was left for eating. I had to leave the dishes for later some days too, depending on what I ate. I didn’t quite enjoy that part.

I have started to miss my dormant days. Even so, it wasn’t truly dormant. I was dormant from work that is, but I was quite busy with other stuffs which I quite enjoy. Just that, I wasn’t able to earn as fast and as much as I’d like. Now, I must re-prioritize my time and a couple of my favourite things to do had to take a back seat.

My current consolation is that I am getting paid for the work or whatever it is that I am needed to do, and I look forward to that at the end of every month. Sometimes, despite it all, a monthly paycheck is a good thing. But I first need to figure out what it is that I need to do or expected to do. That may not be  fun but I suppose I can try to make it fun.

I just hope that I do not sacrifice the things that matter to me most. The good thing is that I am aware and I am trying to work out something to make sure that I don’t. If it starts to eat into me, my family and my well being, I will have to make a decision, don’t I? Oh, how I wish you can speak to me. Then, the next question is, is all that I am doing now worth it? It will be a balance that I will need to strike and I think writing to you today is the beginning of my path towards finding that balance that I have sort of lost in the past few months, especially so now with this new adventure that I am venturing into. What do you think?

Image source: https://unsplash.com/photos/6qThS1x6P6A


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Avatar for marblely
Written by   80
8 months ago
Topics: Diary, Freewriting, Life
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