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Written by   20
7 months ago

I want to address what is quite likely the most important issue of our times. To do so I need you to read this comment I received on my Publish0x version of my previous post:

Such a lovely story about dads and their role. Having said that, I don’t think any mum would like to bring up her children on her own. So, ask yourself why is this happening to mums. If dads are refused to see their children they are the ones who put themselves in that situation in the first place. It is not fun for any mum to bring up children on her own. It is difficult decision to be made. Having a bad dad around is as bad as or maybe worse than not having one. I am not saying all mums are perfect but at the end they and their children are the ones who end up suffering the most. If we look at the history of some very prominent people, especially man, who ended up growing up without their dad for whatever reason, than we can see that mum can do a very good job on her own.

There may be a need for dad support but maybe you could also open a similar forum to teach men responsibility, respect and commitment to their children and their mums. I am convinced it would in general benefit all.

I understand the sentiment behind this but that sentiment hides the truth... people who think like this are more than a small part of the problem with society. This post reeks of "I'm not racist but...". The difference is that it's not directed at a race but at dads and men in general.

Let's break it down to show why this sort of thinking furthers the wrongs in society.

Such a lovely story about dads and their role.

Thanks. As a dad I am passionate about helping others using my experiences.

Having said that, I don’t think any mum would like to bring up her children on her own.

Here we go. A post about the importance of being a dad will have it's power taken in five... four... three... two... one. "I'm not racist but..."

If dads are refused to see their children they are the ones who put themselves in that situation in the first place

Yes, we are the masters of our own demise. This is untrue in most situations. It's a stereotype dumped on us by a feminist backed media that would love to tell you that all men are bad. I'm going to repeat the story I wrote in my reply for the benefit of you dear readers. It's an important one to tell because it happens in most cases. And the children are almost always bought up with lies spread between both parties.

Around November my brother in law called my mother in law to tell her his wife wants a divorce. Now divorce is a big issue in this family because my wife's dad left her mum for another lady when she was about 13 or 14. Yes her dad was selfish, and yes it happens a lot. And no, it is in my view that he has given up rights to see his children after what he did. He decided to leave and thus he decided to give up those rights. But this isn't the same story.

So my BnL is in the throws of getting a divorce. His wife was the one who instigated it but he's the one who has to pay the costs. He's the one who gets dictated to about how he can see his child. According to the commentator, my BnL is the problem and he deserved it so let's look closer.

Every time we have been around to my BnL's place - before the divorce - he was the one doing the housework. He would do the washing up, laundry, and cook meals. Where was his wife? Around 70% of the time we were there she would be in her room either sleeping or lying on her bed looking at her phone. What was happening to bubs? Buckle up it's going to be a bumpy ride.

The first time we visited, not long after his child was born his wife had put bubs to bed. Later in the night bubs started crying but his wife told everyone to leave him alone and he'll cry himself to sleep. After about half an hour BnL tried to go see him but she barked at him to leave the child alone. A few minutes later MnL (mother in law) went to check on bubs because his cries had progressed to screaming. She found him with dirty nappy and freezing cold. But SnL (sister in law) knows best. Luckily MnL is African and doesn't take crap. She told SnL off for not attending to her baby. While we were there, I noticed that BnL was the one changing nappies, bathing bubs, and feeding him. I never saw SnL doing anything.

I know she has an issue with us. She thinks we hate her so I figured she was hiding from us, which is fair enough. We didn't but we're fighting hard not to hate her now. But the thing is that other people have noticed the same behaviour when they visited.

So now BnL can't see his child without supervision because when she split she told lies about BnL. They were evil lies as well. She went shy of saying he was a fiddler but she implied that he hurts bubs. It seems this stems from one shaking incident that happened early on. It was an incident that most parents go through and was minor but she's blown it out of proportion.

It's all ongoing and won't get sorted for years it seems but we'll see what happens.

But this is my argument to the commenter. She's claiming that dad's that lose access to their kids lost it because of their actions. My BnL's case is more common than you would think and would make up half of custody battles I would expect. In fact I would expect you'd find that of the dads that up and run you'd find the woman would be the major cause. They'd claim there were no signs but if you looked you'd see she was wrong. There's always something.

Putting the blame on dads saying they deserve to lose access to their children serves no purpose. It makes good men look bad when more often than not they are the innocent victim of a vindictive woman. But it will always be the dad that has to pick up the pieces and do the best he can to clear his name. At great cost I add.

It is not fun for any mum to bring up children on her own. It is difficult decision to be made. Having a bad dad around is as bad as or maybe worse than not having one.

I did elude to this in my previous post. There is a difference between a bad dad and a dad who's had his name destroyed by a vindictive mother. Bad dads don't deserve access. All other dads should never have access to their children denied.

I am not saying all mums are perfect but at the end they and their children are the ones who end up suffering the most.

Tell that to my brother in law.

If we look at the history of some very prominent people, especially man, who ended up growing up without their dad for whatever reason, than we can see that mum can do a very good job on her own.

The flip is you can also look at history where children have had mum only, raise them and they've turned into real scum. There are always two sides to one coin.

You can also say the same about children raised only by their dads. Both sides hold true. So this argument is two-handed but often only one hand gets shown at any one time. It's a dishonest argument.

There may be a need for dad support but maybe you could also open a similar forum to teach men responsibility, respect and commitment to their children and their mums. I am convinced it would in general benefit all.

I disagree. Most men ARE responsible, respectful, and committed to their family. Some aren't but those often tend to be a victim of circumstance and upbringing. In either case there isn't support for dads out there to the extent that there is for women. Yes, I agree with my whole heart that we need to fix wrong attitudes in men. I don't agree we should create a separate chamber to do this.

If people are joining the noise.cash ChildRearing chamber then they will get both. As this chamber is not limited to dads. Mums need to speak up. What won't happen though is the chamber will NOT be for the use of feminist clap trap that exists to bad mouth dads. Good dads are in fact the norm not the exception. You can say the same for mums.

But if women want respect then they also need to show respect to men. That's not happening. It's so one sided. You earn respect not demand it. The sad thing is that there doesn't seem to be much respect in this world towards what dads do. We want to change that.

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Written by   20
7 months ago
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