Today was my last day of work. To be fair, I gave my notice two weeks ago. When I was hired for this job, I was super excited and posting online about how I finally landed my dream job and that at long last I was going to embark on a career that I had always wanted.
Less than two weeks into that dream job, I was rushing to my car to cry and on the phone with friends. It baffled me to find myself in such a nightmarish situation. I called my support network before I went into work and after work. Even scheduling lunches with friends to help keep my morale up during the day.
What went wrong? I couldn't figure it out. But it was an unfortunate situation with my boss. We just couldn't find a way to communicate in a way that created a civil work environment. I felt degraded, diminished and dismissed. It broke me day after day and I lost my apetite and had trouble sleeping most days. I never knew what kind of response I would get from my boss and was constantly on edge. At times it got so bad, I saw the other employee and the intern in our office seem very uncomfortable. At this time, the intern left and so did that employee.
It dawned on me that I was new, learning a new job and that it's often not easy at the start. But when thinking about what was causing me the stress, it came down to my boss and our interactions. No matter how much I wanted to make it work, I knew I couldn't change my boss.
Although I knew I was powerless over my boss, I knew I had the power to change myself. I tried hard. I had changed my attitude, knowing I had become disappointed in the situation. My new mindset was knowing that I was powerless over this other person and I needed to buckle up and get through it. I knew what kind of person I was in for working with and I had to deal with it or get out.
It all came to a head when I found myself alone with my boss. We had an open and frank discussion and agreed we weren't getting along, that point is the only one we agreed on. We still had other disagreements on other issues we were having. I cried during the discussion. I said I would think on it over the weekend and make a decision. In my life experience, I know sometimes things don't work out. Not everyone will get along and be a good fit. It was just this type of situation that led to a setback. On Monday after this discussion, I emailed my resignation and gave my two weeks notice.
Although I thought it would be an uncomfortable few weeks, I was surprisingly chipper. I was actually happy I was leaving a job that I felt miserable in. The thoughts I've been having though is that I'm free falling. No job to go to on Monday morning. But I have freed myself from misery. An important lesson I have learned from meditation is that I am responsible for my suffering. It is up to me to free myself and no one else. It may seem that I may cause more suffering but I am an optimist. It is now still up to me to live without suffering and move forward toward a life of happiness.
Before this job, I recently left my cushy corporate job that was somewhat reliable and stable in August for what I thought was my dream job. I don't know where I will end up, you'll most likely be seeing more of me on read.cash so it's not a bad thing. It may be the break I needed to pursue a more fulfilling path. My list of items to do has gotten quite long and I'll have more time to to get through it.
If anyone has any job stories, would love to hear them. Anyone hiring :)?
It's definitely freeing when you finally left a job that you are not happy in. I hope that you will find a career where you will feel fulfilled.