Me and My Coffee

It's past 10 a.m. and the sun is up. It's bright and hot but I don't feel the heat, anyway. Feels like 5 a.m. with the cold breeze, I would call it more of a Christmas breeze.

Listening to the old Christmas songs is one of the best moments even if during regular days. Looking at the wide green surroundings makes my mind calm and happy. It makes me remember the old times when I was 15 years younger. Way back when I used to hold my pen most of the time.

It was the time when I always ran out of paper and pencil. The time when I used to love different ink colors. Along with these materials is the best thing that makes me happier every time I write on my journal.

The scent of it keeps me active and awake. I close my eyes and I feel better. It's my partner from morning to night. I used to have good thoughts when I have it beside me. I don't understand why it gives me that explosion of ideas in my mind whenever I get a sip of it.

For the past 15 years, coffee has become my best company. It keeps my headache away. It keeps my eyes open especially during deadlines. Whether it be cold or hot but the hottest coffee in the world makes me the happiest of all.

There are different flavors you can choose from, but nothing beats natural and brewed. The ones with milk and cream are great, too, but I love them when served ice cold.

I didn't care about the health benefits and all. I knew there is something good in it just like the things it gives me and that's why I enjoy having several cups a day. As long as I have coffee, I am cool. Yes, I know coffee has antioxidants but mostly I know creamy coffee has high sugar content. And causes hyper acidity. It triggered palpitations and anxiety in me, too.

My co-leagues know how I love coffee so much. They knew my favorite brand. Then I have had too much. Time has come, I had to stop the intake. I get so nervous and anxious and get more more of it everyday. I get involuntary body shaking. That's when I realized my condition is getting serious. I have to stop.

It's been more than a year when my first attack happened. My anxiety tells me to never hold a mug again. And in a period of one year it felt like a bit of my happiness is taken away from me.

No I am not that sad, I felt better when I started losing weight. I realized coffee has contributed a lot to my weight gain and blood sugar levels. Then when I cut it off along with some of the forbidden foods, I finally found a better, lighter version of me.

But there is one thing that kept on coming. My headaches caused by lack of sleep and the need of it. Whenever I feel sleepy, I used to treat it with coffee before, then I'm better. Now, my pouch is always ready with paracetamol, relaxing creams and oils. The aroma of coffee is replaced with menthol and camphor scents. But I know, I'm doing this for my own good. Even my friends would laugh at me ang tell me that I smell like an old woman. I didn't care as long as I feel better.

Only today, when I saw a pile of instant coffee on our pantry. My eyes sparkled but tried to ignore the feeling. When the Christmas breeze kissed my skin as I was setting up my laptop to write a new article. It suddenly made me think. "What if I try to make just one cup of coffee?" just for this day, I thought. Will it give me palpitations? It gave me a little bit of anxiety because I know what's worst to happen. But I took the smallest courage in my brain and I made one.

Then I realized it doesn't taste so good anymore and I'm not as excited as before. Everything is different now. I took few sips but wasn't able to finish everything. I ended up throwing away more than half of it after enjoying it's very inviting aroma.