Who Is Right For Me?
Marriage is very important but very crucial relationship that should be taken very seriously. In this part of the world, marriage relationship is very complex because it involves more than the two individuals attached. Here, it involves the families of the both parties and even their friends. Any wrong or differences can't be solved wholly by the two individuals involved but mainly solved by everyone else. To my great surprise, when the couples are progressing and living a happily life, those intending parties does not get attached! But whenever wrong or conflicts that's when they are involved!
Who is Right For Me? I keep asking myself. But there's no satisfying answers yet! I'm a devout Christian who believed solely on the supremacy of Jehovah God, I don't doubt his power and ultimate solution but from the pages of Bible, I studied favourably but can't be satisfied with the answers provided because there's no direct answer to my challenge and question! I don't believe in magic or miracle but I still know that God will provide a right one for me but how will I know her, is still my dilemma!
Traditionally, we believe our elders and families in every issues. Initially, they are the ones that solely decides when one of their family members is ready for marriage. Even if they are not capable Financially and morally, their elders and families will help them to get a "right" one and gave them means to start a marital journey. Reason why they get involved maybe;
To increase their numbers of the family members because they believed in "igwebuike" meaning that their is absolute strength in numbers.
To fully getting their land and property rights. Because it is "only" married man is viewed "responsible" and seen as a man to get participated in village and family discussion.
To avoid shame. They believe that it's "only" unmarried ones can be promiscuous.
With their understanding then, the sample reasons above and more are seen "correct" to them. But the time have changed abruptly, those reasons can be doubted and absolutely very wrong. Also, their preference and ability to choose a "right" one for another is very wrong perceptive now because everyone have a choice and whatever that seems "right" to me, might not be right to another. Another reason is that one's character can change. Once, a right one can be influenced wrongly by the peers and other societal groups. Any issues that comes up will not be adjudged alright but blamed on the families for arranging such marriage. Now, everyone should make their choices. This statement scares me a lot.
Physically, beauty and physical appearances of an individual changes and beauty is very relative. Whatever, that can attract me to someone, can't attract another person to that person. Individually, my choice on physical appearances keep changing too. Who will I blame? So if I attached my choice of the "right one" based on beauty and physical appearances, I will be totally wrong. I have asked a lot of married people this question. They said that beauty is not a factor to watch out! But how can I stay faithfully to someone that I'm not physically attractive, is it possible? No wonder, many of them are enduring their marital life while they supposed to be enjoying it!
Many of my findings from the research on this question proved that it's "only" one's character can be used as a yardstick to called a person "right one". That's is true with many evidences and predecents. But, whose character is the best? No one! Even me that's writing! I do wrongs many times. But can be a "right one" for someone. This means that my "right one" will have her wrongs too but my abilities to overlook them and appreciate her good sides will make her my "right one" and I will enjoy my marital life despite the woes in the world!
There's no specific plans and place to get the "right one". Ability to define the "right one" too is solely on the individual perceptive. Beauty, physical appearances and personal behaviors are useful parameters to consider while contemplating who is the "right one" to get married too. Happy Marriage is only achieved when both parties tolerate, respect, forgive, love and communicate freely!