I have been so quiet for the past days. The truth is I suffered from a writer’s block. To get back on track, I decided to write something personal yet not revealing anything still. Today, I decided to publish something about the title, “what happened to us?” If you are someone who has the same question, you might get the answer below. Allow yourself to share your story as well. Ask me anything, and I will be happy to answer.
What happened to us?
It has been three years, but I can still remember every detail. Until now, I don't still understand why we need to end those butterfly-in-the-stomach feelings. We were happy, weren’t we? Then, why does it have to be as if we are destined to meet yet also destined to split away. Am I that easy to let go? It took me a lot of courage to finally be able to break the walls for all the years of trying and pushing. Then, one day, you came rushing to me -not to tell me how beautiful the day was, but to tell me you are sorry. Even how much time I give myself to understand you, I can’t think of any.
What happened to us?
We are the best of friends, I mean we used to. I used to tell you about the things I want and all the things I need. We used to match our clothes, our dresses, our accessories, and whatnot with one another. We have the same style and even the same humor. We laugh at the same meme. We cry at the same tragic TV series. We scream in the same horror film. We have the same choice for almost everything. Again, we used to, because little did I know, we got to share with the same man -without me knowing that we are actually sharing. How does it feel to be betrayed by a best friend you truly love and trust?
What happened to us?
I used to believe that once you prayed hard enough, everything will fall to its proper place someday. I used to believe that as long as you behave accordingly and never hurt anyone, all of your heart’s desire will be done. My only dream is to make my family happy with everything that I can offer. I only want them to understand my choices. I want them to keep choosing me. But even how much they push me away I will still swing back to them. Now, I cannot keep that promise. I was really broken now. Because the truth is, I was never them, and they were never part of me. When will I meet my real family?
What happened to us?
School has been my escape. To the days that I am uncertain, I found myself inside the library and reading all the books my vacant time could offer. To the days that I want to see people, my go-to is my university’s cafeteria -full of people eating and drinking with or without someone eating or drinking with. To the days that I just want to feel the peace, I could find myself sitting on the field, or under the tree, that is my favorite spot -too solemn. But days like these, locked in quarantine and having countless doubts about health and future, I miss going to school. I want to escape.
What happened to us?
I have this special person who always tells me that no matter what happens, we have to help each other and be part of each other’s journey. I believed that person and really made sure that I am doing the promise. Isn't it really wonderful to have someone walking with you even how the sun shines or even how hard the rain is? But now, the promise is gone along with the person who died three years ago. What happens to the living soul who is still in love with the lost soul? If lifetimes do really exist, I want to believe that there is another me and him, and in that lifetime, we are the happiest. I can only be happy with him.
We might be sharing the same feelings, thoughts and experiences. And if you are reading this piece up until this part, allow me to share with you some personal things. There will be days when all we can do is to ask ourselves about what happened, and those days you might list a few answers to the question, but on the same day you are just clueless, having no idea about what is happening. But both are okay. You do not have to rush yourself finding answers. The more you push, the more it will be disturbing. At the right time, the answers you need to know will just pop right in front of your face, one by one. And on that day, I want you to be ready. I have been in a situation wherein all my life I thought I am happy about something. I thought that thing is what I really like, and what pushes me to live. But as the day passes, I slowly realize that the something I am holding is not intended for me. I was like being betrayed for a long time already.
Decisions are not always about perfect solutions. Just like in every Math problem, sometimes we can solve it without using the formula, sometimes with a couple of tries, of trial and error, you will soon get the correct answer. In life, there is no formula to keep going or help yourself back on track. What you have is unlimited trial and error. Regardless of getting the correct answer, we just need perfect solutions.
I do not know if you relate yourself to all of the things I wrote today, but I wish that when problems become bigger than us, all we have to do is to let it rain. Letting the rain to pour is not a sign of weakness but a sign of acknowledging that you have problems, and you need solutions.
What about you? What happened to you?
