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Avatar for heartbeat1515
10 months ago
Topics: Faith, Thought, Writing, Life, Personal, ...

He looks normal. His act almost seems normal but I cannot fully trust him to care for my daughter anymore. He is lost. I do not know where he went inside his mind. It looks like he is here but he is not. I can see him physically but his mind is absent from the real world. Did I lose him?

He is in his world. A world that I cannot enter. Perhaps he is getting older and no longer has the strength to stay sane. He is defeated by the heavy burden that he carried for so long without letting anyone else help him carry.

He wanted to stay but I am unsure that I can still depend on him for all the responsibility we once shared. Should I give him another chance after the insanity that he showed me?

It has gotten worst than before. I never saw him as worst as he is now. I can always talk to him back but now I can only feel emptiness between us. I don't want to let him go but should I? Should I let him be free in his world? Can I pull him out?

There is nothing else that can be done other than praying, or perhaps I can find him a therapist. He needed someone but that someone is not me. I do not have the strength to be his pillar.

I am lost in myself and my daughter is the sole reason I can still hang on and move on. I need to get better decisions for both myself and her but I am unsure whether the best is with or without him.

I do not want to let my quick decisions leave me with regrets in the future. I have tried so hard to prevent myself from getting any regrets but I guess, I am having more and more regrets now than I used to before.

Life was never easy on me too. Everyone around me has their difficulty and not many of them I can lean on. I guess I just need somebody to lean on.

Do you know the moment when we cried for help but nobody seem to be listening? There are a lot of people trying to help but the option is not in favor of our desire? I am having that now and I am unsure if I can do it alone this time.

Perhaps I am meant to be alone in this world. The fact that I still have a lot of people who care for me is a damn good blessing.

Deep inside of me, I still have that little hope that he can stay and complete this family. Without him, it would be lesser the external troubles and more the internal struggle but perhaps it would be better.

I pray for myself and my daughter to have a good life starting from now on. Whether he can stay with us or not, I give them all to you, dear God. Amen.

May I have a little bit of Amen/Amin from you too?

As of today, 12th May 2022 I am lost and blind. I cannot see the path that I am supposed to go through.

I am heartbeat1515 and if I am still here after this you will surely know the future of this article.

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Avatar for heartbeat1515
10 months ago
Topics: Faith, Thought, Writing, Life, Personal, ...


I've been in my world for a very long time it was the only way to survive. My children do the same. I would say: let him in his world and let him find someone who can help him. A partner, family never should. It's simply too much. Find someone who can (partly) take care of your child if you go to work. Everything has its negative and positive sides. It depends on you what you want, long for most. You know where to find me.

$ 0.01
10 months ago

I decided to fight for him. I realized my mistakes and the reason he becomes insecure. I am going to find help for him. I have settled the carer for my daughter. Need a lot of money but I am managing. This could be my last strength but giving up is not something that I will do. Thank you for reading.

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10 months ago