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I thought that I already started a new life years ago. It seems that I started to make a new path in my life a month ago. It happened that I have been starting a new life quite frequently in my life. I don't mean dying and being born again like in the anime but starting a new routine for the sake of health.
I never thought that I would ever be concerned about my body shape or my obesity, ever in my life but having an active child and full of energy made me want to push my endurance up and make my body lighter so I will be able to catch up with her.
She grows up quite well despite the difficulties she has to face along with her incompetent parents. She is a brilliant, kind, and strong heart child. She kept her sadness to her own, hoping for a kind kiss on her forehead and a big hug when she cries silently. Once you hug her, a big burst of cry will come out along with her painful heart. It made me realize that she is as strong as me or maybe a little bit stronger than I am.
For her, I need to be healthy and stronger. I need to be a mother she can be proud of. Every child deserves it. Some said that they will be the insurance for our burial or the key to our paradise. As for me, she will be the greatest contribution to society, my greatest artwork, and the most priceless asset I will ever own in my entire life.
She is an unexplainable person in my life. She brought me tears and laughter at the same time. She fills up my emptiness and she woke up a desire I never thought I would ever want to achieve without her presence.
I have a lot of things to work out for her. I still have the desire to give her better than things I am capable of now.
One thing that I realized recently is that I need to fix myself up for her to be better. She is my reflection. She reflects on my past mistake and guides me to be better at not repeating the same mistakes repetitively.
As for her father, I still cannot see his part in our life other than all the things that I am afraid of ruining her life again. I guess I am still in the phase of blaming him after I am tired of blaming myself. The next thing to do will be forgiving and accepting our fate so that we can move on. No matter where life leads us the three of us will be able to handle it in style.
People always said that "God will never give us an obstacle that we cannot handle."
I guess it's not God who gave us the obstacles but since He is always there to help us go through He becomes the one to blame for the difficulties too because we usually realized that we have already received a helping hand a bit late.
Well, that is my personal opinion only. My way of thinking helps me go through life as I am now. 😄😆