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When I was gone

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Avatar for francescawrites
Written by   112
1 month ago

Just weeks ago I shared something sentimental with you guys— a reason why I was days away here. It was quite a phase for me and believe it or not, something negative had affected me while in the process of healing emotionally and spiritually.

It was a long time. As if I wasted my time being afraid of what has to come. I purposely postponed a lot of tasks and events because of this abhorring state I once had; experiencing a variety of emotions that subjected me to drown in the realm of my anxieties.

Both within my intrapersonal and interpersonal relationships, I tried to delve into it. While fixing myself, I urged myself to carry on.

This had been the story of my life — when I was gone.

Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash

It was to pause for the moment

Have you ever had a moment you said to yourself, "I've had enough!"

I did felt that, a lot. It just burned me out. The frustration, agony, and emotions I can't express just made me feel wary instead. I am too scared to the point that I thought I should pause for the meantime. From my usual 8-hour work, I took at least half of it just to give myself ample time to be happy. Like how a sims character was like, I chose to press that button and gave myself some charge of happiness, hoping I could fully redeem my social state.

I took a time to rest, take a deep breath, and re-evaluate how life had been for me.

Photo by Alexis Antoine on Unsplash

An experience that I will never forget

Every moment counts. Undeniably, the remarkable ones will be on you, forever.

Although I took some time to rest, I still tried to do some things out of my seemingly ordinary life. Instead of indulging my habitually routine, I processed out a variety of life lessons that I think had helped me to somehow be enlightened with the current situation I face.

I wake up early in the morning. While trying to productively make the most of my days, I also help at home which is a part of my responsibility that I worked on. It was a verging moment for myself that had been a huge part of how I am coping lately.

Beyond the changes, there were moments that made me feel connected with several people around me. It was a changing time considering that some of my decisions made me feel growing and at such rate, maturing. There has been an emotional attachment that I grew on fondly and I find truly caring on to some of the beliefs I used to live with. All of these things had made me realize what should I really be.

Photo by Steve Halama on Unsplash

When you tried to divert your attention

The lessons and experiences I had weren't just an escape — it is a representation of the reality I am about to unfold. As such, I work at a pace that will help me seclude and improve on healing.

It had been a healing moment for me. Instead of occupying myself with too much negativity, the brazen thoughts that occupied me slowly became the factors that helped me shape what has to be done instead of escaping the reality I live in right now.

I tried to create hobbies, build habits, and purposely listen to how my heart finds it all within me. It was as if a moment that made me realize it is alright to feel such things.

It's all part of being human.

Photo by Ruben Mishchuk on Unsplash

A reality that woke me up

Meanwhile writing and being too skeptical to be profound on indulging these newfound hobbies and habits, I thought a question that is always in me ever since, "Am I happy?"

I do not know why but happiness does not equate to the temporary feelings I have. A smile on my face was not a sign of happiness anymore. Like as if it was just an act to say I am okay.

The notion had been hard to accept. A slap to my own self that it is the reality of me... no hints of the glee I once just normally share with the world.

Do I need to change?

I was hoping for too long, finding answers, and eventually had been too caught up in my own drama for so long. I forgot what is important instead but I do not want to regret a thing anymore.

The moment has come. Yes, I needed to wake up and do better than now.

Photo by Camille Brodard on Unsplash

When I was gone

The time slowly progresses but it will never change the fact that time gone had made me feel a variety of emotions within — something important to make myself feel I am alive and just being me.

I know I wasn't even ready to face the world last time. I stopped everything regardless of the severity and importance it holds in me.

I am too aware of the fact that life were a bit tedious live by lately. However, from all the thoughts and experiences that my almost one-month hiatus brought upon, I know I am ready to write now. For real.

Are you ready for me?

Feel free to read my previous articles here:

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Written by   112
1 month ago
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Happiness itself is temporary as true happiness doesn’t exist. I advice is that you keep doing things that constantly make you happy because being constantly happy equates to being happy always.

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3 weeks ago

I am glad you are back and you are able to conquer the battle. So happy for you.

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1 month ago

Thank you, Gaftekloriginal! Knowing that someone understand and appreciate myself with whatever I was able to do is such a heartwarming response. I'm glad to be back and hopefully, engage more with the community!

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3 weeks ago

You are welcome friend

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3 weeks ago

Rest and comeback when your ready, you did the right thing who can understand us if we don't know how to understand ourselves. Rest and look within your self.. welcome back thou it's been a while francisca

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1 month ago

Aww, thank you Eunoia! Yeah, it's been really a while and interacting with you all had been surreal for me but it's really fulfilling to be really back here.

I know, this is the comeback that I just need. Let's explore horizons and see you more here!

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3 weeks ago

Awee! We understand your situation, Francesca. I have been there too when I had enough so I rest and came back when I was fine. All the best!

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1 month ago

Thank you, gwapojohn! Nice to see you here, once again. After a long time, it's nice to say I am finally back. All the best for us!

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3 weeks ago

Where have you been? Kidding lol

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3 weeks ago