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Just weeks ago I shared something sentimental with you guys— a reason why I was days away here. It was quite a phase for me and believe it or not, something negative had affected me while in the process of healing emotionally and spiritually.
It was a long time. As if I wasted my time being afraid of what has to come. I purposely postponed a lot of tasks and events because of this abhorring state I once had; experiencing a variety of emotions that subjected me to drown in the realm of my anxieties.
Both within my intrapersonal and interpersonal relationships, I tried to delve into it. While fixing myself, I urged myself to carry on.
This had been the story of my life — when I was gone.
Have you ever had a moment you said to yourself, "I've had enough!"
I did felt that, a lot. It just burned me out. The frustration, agony, and emotions I can't express just made me feel wary instead. I am too scared to the point that I thought I should pause for the meantime. From my usual 8-hour work, I took at least half of it just to give myself ample time to be happy. Like how a sims character was like, I chose to press that button and gave myself some charge of happiness, hoping I could fully redeem my social state.
I took a time to rest, take a deep breath, and re-evaluate how life had been for me.
Every moment counts. Undeniably, the remarkable ones will be on you, forever.
Although I took some time to rest, I still tried to do some things out of my seemingly ordinary life. Instead of indulging my habitually routine, I processed out a variety of life lessons that I think had helped me to somehow be enlightened with the current situation I face.
I wake up early in the morning. While trying to productively make the most of my days, I also help at home which is a part of my responsibility that I worked on. It was a verging moment for myself that had been a huge part of how I am coping lately.
Beyond the changes, there were moments that made me feel connected with several people around me. It was a changing time considering that some of my decisions made me feel growing and at such rate, maturing. There has been an emotional attachment that I grew on fondly and I find truly caring on to some of the beliefs I used to live with. All of these things had made me realize what should I really be.
The lessons and experiences I had weren't just an escape — it is a representation of the reality I am about to unfold. As such, I work at a pace that will help me seclude and improve on healing.
It had been a healing moment for me. Instead of occupying myself with too much negativity, the brazen thoughts that occupied me slowly became the factors that helped me shape what has to be done instead of escaping the reality I live in right now.
I tried to create hobbies, build habits, and purposely listen to how my heart finds it all within me. It was as if a moment that made me realize it is alright to feel such things.
The time slowly progresses but it will never change the fact that time gone had made me feel a variety of emotions within — something important to make myself feel I am alive and just being me.
I know I wasn't even ready to face the world last time. I stopped everything regardless of the severity and importance it holds in me.
I am too aware of the fact that life were a bit tedious live by lately. However, from all the thoughts and experiences that my almost one-month hiatus brought upon, I know I am ready to write now. For real.