@etching 25 August 2021

Missed the Old Me

Hello beautiful people. I hope you are all doing fine and healthy. God Bless Us All. It's been one  week? two weeks? or 3 weeks have passed that I have stop writing , reading and interacting with you guys here in readcash. It's not because I am busy or because I don't want to anymore but it's because these past few weeks, stress is eating me. It was very hard. Very tough. No matter how much I convince myself to think beautiful things, to have positive thoughts always, to see beauty in my everyday life  but the demons on me always win. I cannot stop myself from overthinking. I have so many questions that I want to have answers right away.  I have so many "what ifs" that make me imagine things in the future. What ifs that makes me afraid of life. I wanted to share to you guys everything that I have been feeling lately and my thoughts as well but as of now I can't help myself to put them to words. My mind is not working. It is not in it's usual state I can say. I am not that happy go lucky  girl anymore. The funny me, the happy me, it is gone. I don't know what to do anymore to bring back the old me. I smile in front of my friends, my family and to the people around me. People think I am ok, that I am totally fine but deep inside I am terrified. I am exhausted. I tried to think of ways that will somehow help me get out of this nutshell I am right now. I tried to watch movies but it did not help. I tried to read books, still did not help. I tried to communicate with my friends, I tried to open up to them because I think maybe in that way, I will feel less lonely. But no, it did not work. I talked to people and everything is just fine until i became alone again. My work is being affected already. There are many times that I did not report to work. My body says I can do the work and I should report but my mind state the other way around. It says I am tired and I wanna rest. I don't wanna get disturbed, I wanna be locked in a room by myself, just lay in my bed all day, all night, all week, all month. It's very tough but I know I can overcome this. Right now I am still fighting the demon on me but I know I can overcome this. I can and I will. I know God will help me. I am so sorry guys for this article, for this kind of content . I know it is not inspiring to you my readers but for me who is trying to heal myself from something I don't know, it is a big help already. I will try my best to be active again in this platform and I will try to publish inspiring articles soon but for now please bear with me as I am still finding my way back to my old self. Thank you everyone for reading. I hope you all have a good day.Keep safe!