“Why is it so hard to say ‘NO’?”

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Avatar for eommaZel
2 years ago

Why is it so hard for me to say, “NO”?

I am known by my friends and family as a person who can’t say no. In short, I always say yes to them, but that was long ago. Because of some circumstances I encountered, those events helped me recognize and realized that saying “No” shouldn’t worry me at all costs.

During my school years, to tell you honestly, my classmates seldom get my opinion about their plans, may it be about our projects in school, or plans regarding any activities that I belong to because most of them just assumed “I never said no”.

It may sound that for them, my opinion was not worthy to ask.

And because of that, I tend not to mind their decisions and just go with the flow. I was always like that “go with the flow”, and I find no problems with it. However, when I started my journey as an adult, after graduation where I need to live the life that I wanted, I slowly realized, that I should say no and stand my decisions.

But before I realize it all, I went through lots of challenges first, I was tested when was the right time to say no to someone.

While I was still working at a restaurant, I was 18 years old. At a young age, I struggled to live, faced the battlefield alone. I met different kinds of people, and because of them, I finally see the true color of the society I live in. I thought if you’re good at others they’ll be good to you back, that’s how I recognize my relationship among others. Never did I realize that those were just the things I wanted to impose on myself. Because that’s not how it turned out when I lived in a city that’s full of new faces.

In my workplace, I met a friend, whom I used to consider as my eldest sister since I have none. She was so fun to be with, and she’s already married and has a child. Because she’s a mom, she often borrowed some money from me.

And because I cared for her especially with her baby, even if I only had enough those times, I still lent my money to her along with the hopes that she will pay it back. And even she didn’t give payment on her first borrowed money, I never hesitated to lend her another money every time she said her budget was “short”.

I never doubted her because she’s my friend, a close friend and she’s also a regular employee in the management where we worked. Then there’s this another new workmate I had, she’s bubbly and I considered her as a friend too, I am just too friendly, I smile at people every time, not only because of the nature of my work but because I am truly like that.

People easily get attached to me and befriend me, until my other workmate borrowed money from me too, as if I was paying higher to me. We’re just both Pro-B’s (contractual) at that time with the same salary. Yet she’s too good at making me believe everything she says. And the soft-hearted me just lent her what she wanted.

Months passed and they didn’t dare to update their borrowed money, and I, even I wanted to approach them, I just can’t do it. My tongue was seemed to be tied inside my mouth that I couldn’t utter the words I wanted to tell them, that I need my money back.

Until many months have flown again, my contract was near its end, I gained a bit strength to ask them about their plans of paying, slowly by slowly they paid me back but until I ended my contract, I still didn’t get the full payment.

However, I tried to be considerate, it was a very long story but to make it short, they paid me little by little because I told them to do so. But honestly, it took almost 3 years before I got my money back. And our friendship, I guess those were just for me. They never considered me one. Instead, they were just good to me because they could get something from me, and I was foolish enough to believe their lies.

While I was recalling those days, I just wished and certainly tell myself that I should’ve said no. I wish I said no when I know I’d helped them enough. I wished I didn’t tolerate them, on how they used me.

Then, it all get on my nerves, I couldn’t remember when I said no to someone. All my life, I always said yes even I know deep inside I wanted to say that I don’t want to.

Those memories made me realize that some people are indeed not genuine in their actions and feelings towards me. That there are people who are just leeches and parasites who only want to gain for themselves, for their selfishness and greediness.

And now I know why is it hard for me to say no, simply because I care. I care about their feelings to the extent that I forget about mine.

And because of those events, I learned to stand with my decision with the things I truly want to say. I started to refuse some offers if I have to. I started to decline some people whom I could sense that they’ll just use my soft personality for their gain.

But, to be, frankly speaking, there are still times that I couldn’t say “no”, most especially with the people who are too close to me just like my family. For the reason that I don’t want them to feel rejected and I don’t want them to think that turned my back on them.

But I am making an effort. I know saying “no” shouldn’t give me a guilty feeling, but there are just circumstances that I cannot do so.

But at least, I am trying and I know it’s for the best. And I don’t want to look foolish anymore. That I have the right to refuse and have the right with my decisions.

That we shouldn’t have to say yes all the time to be considered good: a good friend, a good follower, a good child. If you know you’ve done enough to help, or your schedule is full, or you just have enough money for yourself, learn to decline.

It’s best to ask yourself first because, at the end of the day, you only have yourself no matter what.

Here's a little wisdom I want to share with you before I end this writing:

Image source link: https://tinybuddha.com/fun-and-inspiring/okay-say-no/

Always remember, if saying no is what makes you feel better, say it and stand with it, your perceptions and feelings matter all the time.

Written by: @eommaZel✍🏻🥀


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Avatar for eommaZel
2 years ago

Comments

Totoo yan sis. Ayaw kasi natin makasakit or maka disappoint. Kaya minsan kahit ayaw or labag sa loob umoo tayo. Pero yun nga natuto na tayo kasi minsan ang oo natin nakakasama na satin at may mga tao na aabusihin tayo kasi iniisip nila na okay lang satin.

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2 years ago

Sometimes, it takes learning the hard way before we learn to stand our ground and say NO. It doesn't mean being arrogant but there are just times when we can't and shouldn't accommodate every request or favor asked of us simply because we have needs, as well. So, good for you!

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2 years ago

Mahirap minsan.. Pro needed kundi aabusuhin lng

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2 years ago

This is also my every day struggle specially as a student sometimes kasi parang nakakaguilty tumanggi parang naooffend mo sila kahit di namn dapat. Ang hirap lang kasi kaya oo na lang ng oo para wala na masabi but sarili namn naten mahihirapan.

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2 years ago

May nabasa ako sa FB kanina Yung let's normalize saying no with no explanation. Something like that. Pero ayun nga Tama Yung Sabi no we care Kasi Kaya Ang hirap din mag no pero minsan kailangan Kasi.

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User's avatar Yen
2 years ago

Oo nga andaling sabahin pero mahirap minsan iapply sa sarili mommy hehe. Lalo na sakin, pero now nakikita ko nman ngimprove din naman ako kahit papano, di na tulad dati na , oo sige lng nang sige. 😅

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2 years ago

Sometimes we need to learn to say "no" sis. It's for us kasi pag too much hindi na rin maganda. Kailangan din natin iprioritize yung sarili natin. Minsan kasi nag titake advantage na din yung iba pag lagi tayong yes na yes.

Naranasan ko na din yan sis kaya matuto na akong mag no kasi minsan ako yung nahihirapan tas kung kailangan mo na sila, di mo sila malapitan. Sobrang sakit lang isipin.

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2 years ago

True sissy, kaya nga napaisip ako dati na bakit ba ang hirap, kasi iniisip ko ang feelings nila pero nakalimutam ko naman sarili ko kaya, this time natuto na tlga ako hehe pero mnsan di tlga maiwasan hayss

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2 years ago

Oo sis. Minsan kailangan pero wag lang talaga sobra sis. Magtira din tayo sa sarili natin sis.

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2 years ago

Sometimes I decline offers like take one shot your not getting mature enough if you can't taste it. You what I mean hehe, but if thats a work I will embrace that and never hesitate on that offer

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2 years ago

But that's another scenario hehehe. I mean when the choices could be life-changing and if you know to yourself it's for your betterment, surely go for it. 🙂 By the way, thanks for dropping by, @Jopix. 💚

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2 years ago

It's have a little relation hehe,, yes I know but I'm just sharing my experience maam..thanks also to you..

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2 years ago