Being a mother of four kids is very hard .You don’t have time for yourself,even to have a bath without some voices,callings,asking where I am...It is hard and we ask ourselves where the problem lies, what I do wrong...It is difficult to answer these questions. I have a lot of experience with children and I always want to hear other parents ’s experiences, I read a lot about parenting as well .
The question that parents often face is how to gain and maintain authority over the child. Every parent should be the educator of their child, and in order to achieve that, he must, have authority ,and it is extremely hard. Authority is a mixture of respect and trust that a child feels. It implies an optimal measure of parental boundaries and consistency. The authority of the parents is destroyed when the child feels that there are quarrels, misunderstandings, quarrels and other negative emotions between them. All this destroys the peaceful family atmosphere, creates insecurity and depression in the child.
When authority is mentioned, many parents misunderstand the word and exchange it with "being strict." That is the first and big mistake. You should treat the child as a future person. Insults, humiliation and tutoring are forbidden because you are suffocating children's feelings, independence and will. It is also very important that you treat the child in accordance with his developmental stages and age.
How is authority gained?
You will have it if you are patient, tactful, but first consistent. Parental consistency means a peaceful and predictable and safe life for a child. A child will respect his parents if he feels that the relations in the family are consistent with everyone.
Do you have authority?
Yes, if you take care of a child in every way. A child gains trust in his parents if he feels that he always has support in them, even when he makes mistakes, when it is difficult for him. Parental authority is directly related to the child's trust. Only if the child feels that the parental orders make sense and are in his interest, he will accept their authority. Children will respect their parents if they see in them people who treat themselves, family, work and the social community correctly.You can admit that it is well said but not so true sometimes in reality.
How does authority collapse?
In some families, authority is destroyed due to different attitudes towards the child, father works differently, mother, grandfather, grandmother, aunt work differently… Parents' authority is destroyed when the child feels that there are quarrels, misunderstandings, quarrels and other negative phenomena between them. All this destroys the peaceful family atmosphere, creates insecurity and depression in the child.
Some parents set their attitude towards their child from a "height". Their task is to command, and the child to listen. Nothing worse than that! Such parents quickly lose authority in the eyes of their child. Ordering and forbidding a child is very simple. But no one raises a child with that, they just "train" him. The so-called good child, who listens to his parents in everything and satisfies all their demands, does not mean that he is well brought up. The child only has to understand what is allowed and what is forbidden, what is good and what is bad.
Even those parents who react immediately, sharply, often and unfairly to the child's mistakes are not authorized. If the parents react directly to the mistake, the child does not cope, feels lonely, defends himself and resistance appears. The child did not understand his mistake, so he will not get rid of such mistakes or he will be careful not to make them in front of his parents. Parents should give the child some time to have the opportunity to think about it, to feel the need to trust the parents. In this way, the child gains confidence in his own strength.
It is crucial that parents have a unified attitude when disciplining children. If one parent starts enforcing the sentence and the other says it is not necessary, you are undermining the authority. And in the end, it will not be clear to the children what is expected of them. Although they will probably be glad that they escaped punishment, they will be confused. The absolute best thing for children is to see their parents as a strong team that agrees, even in punishment.
I would like to have more authority over my kids but it depends on many factors. I hope I am a good parent,and the most important is to recognize our mistakes.
This is an eye opener to me. I 'll try to change the way I discipline and impose rules to my children so that I will be able to gain their trust and hence they will obey me "gracefully", they will obey me because they respect me and because they are just afraid of me.