Mindless Self-Indulgence: Sketches & Thoughts | Pages From My Sketchbook
Hi all...today I just want to share some pages from my sketchbook. I usually don't really use a sketchbook but prefer to draw directly on a piece of drawing or painting paper. That way if I truly like the art I can hang it on the wall or sell the piece if anyone is interested to buy it. But I don't sell the original copies of my art these days since I closed my Etsy and Artfinder shops. I closed them down because I couldn't justify the need to pay for a hefty subscription plan or in Etsy case, the listing cost. I know Etsy's listing only cost a tiny $0.20 but you got to see it from my perspective. That tiny $0.20 is in US Dollar and if I were to convert that to my currency that will cost MYR0.84 per listing. Now, it's still okay if I only list 10 artwork but say if I have more than 50 artwork...and yes, I am quite prolific and my portfolio is quite large. I don't think I can afford those, especially if I don't make regular sales.
Artfinder was a good place to sell but then they started to use subscription plans and I couldn't afford those too....
I am one broke artist LOL...
So instead of selling the originals, I have converted some paintings into NFTs. You can see it here: Stencil 2017 https://opensea.io/collection/stencil-2017
And I put them on merch too. You can see my shop here: coloringiship https://www.redbubble.com/people/coloringiship/shop
I am grateful that artists have many options to sell their art these days. Unlike many years ago, perhaps the only way to get notice and make money as an artist is through a gallery. Now, if someone manages to do that, that is truly awesome. But not all kinds of art make the cut, especially in places where art is not really appreciated. Like where I am coming from, fine art with native subjects that have something to do with the local ethnicities, cultures, and traditions is highly regarded. But I don't do that kind of styles. I tried but I just don't feel connected to it and it felt rather 'forced' like I was trying to impress everyone. It's hard pretending to like something if you don't have an emotional connection to it or simply doing it to gain entry and acceptance to the local art scene. Now, I am not judging anyone who does that kind of art because if you do, well, more power to you! I am just saying, it's not my path or my cup of tea. I rather paint something that resonates with my own personhood; life, challenges, joys, truths that are truly unique to my life experiences. It feels more vulnerable and authentic. It feels more like something I TRULY CREATED from my soul rather than doing something just purely for the superficial beauty of it but lack depth and meaning. I don't know if I am making sense but I hope someone gets it LOL
Anyway, I digress...I was meaning to share some pages from my sketchbook. And here you go...
I am not sure if you noticed but these pages really are like diary entries except that instead of explaining things to you, I show those moments to you through sketches. No explanation is needed and it's up to viewers to interpret the stories behind each image. So what do you think of them?
That's it for now. If you read this far, thank you. I appreciate it so much! Kindly give me a follow if you like my content. I mostly write about making art, life musing, and our mundane yet charming family life here in Klang Valley, Malaysia.
**Thank you for visiting and reading my post. I hope you like it!**
My First NFT Collection – Stencil 2017 – Is Now Available On OpenSea https://opensea.io/collection/stencil-2017
Self-Portrait In Colored Pencils With Time-Lapse Video
Hi all, I drew this self-portrait for my 44th birthday in February last year. It had been a while since I drew a self-portrait and I thought why not draw one to celebrate my birthday? I am not quite sure how I ended up being in my mid 40s but life just happened and I am all good. And I am a mother too with 2 kids, 12 and 8 years old. I always had a good laugh whenever someone called me "dude" or "buddy" in the comment sections (other platforms, not ReadCash) 🤣...I am probably the same age as some of your moms 😆
Anyway, that is not the point of this post. The woman in the picture had been through some very rough stuff in life. In and out of depression most of her life, PPD, anxiety disorder, intrahepatic cholangitis that almost killed her, countless heartaches, and disappointments. I don't know how she managed to pull through. I guess little things helped. Prayers by self or prayers offered by loved ones, (definitely) through arting, fangirling on a certain Korean actor, appreciating simple things in life, having close friends, and loving family members.
Those things are my saving graces.
I hate talking about myself but I think talking about it perhaps, in the strange workings of the digital world, it could comfort someone living thousands of miles away and going through similar struggles. And of course, talking about it reminds me of the lingering sense of shame I so badly trying to battle. You see, when one is mentally struggling the way I do and talks about it, she is actively confronting the stigma associated with mental illness. That I am talking about it here, is my effort in trying to normalize a taboo so many trying to push aside.
I am not proud that I struggle. But I am proud of the effort I put in constantly fighting it. There are so many battles I had conquered and so many victories won. But I think I will save those for future posts.
Back to the drawing. This is my first portrait in colored pencils. Up to that point I always used graphite to draw and never had the confidence to try other media. But I decided to break away from my comfort zone and gave it a try. The result is not so satisfactory but hey it's not too bad, I think 😄
The large plush toy is called "hwayugi monkey/Son Oh Gong" and it's from a Korean drama (Korean Odyssey). And it's actually a birthday gift from my daughter 😅. She said, if you are sad, hug him. Bless her kind and compassionate heart 😘
**Progress Photos**
**Time-Lapse Progress Video**
The progress video. I am no pro at making a video. The quality is bad, I know, but here it is 😆
https://youtu.be/rQdT5ojlTZ0
**Materials I Used**
I used different brands of colored pencils but Faber Castell Polychromos is the best. I highly recommend these premium pencils to anyone.
160gsm acid-free drawing paper
Faber Castell Polychromos colored pencils
Staedler colored pencils
Master Series colored pencils
**Thank you for visiting and reading my post. I hope you like it!**
My First NFT Collection – Stencil 2017 – Is Now Available On OpenSea https://opensea.io/collection/stencil-2017
Turning 45 and Thoughts On Being Middle Aged
*Hi everyone...this is my first post on Read.Cash. I signed up several days ago, but I took my time to post because I wanted to learn more about this platform. I followed some people here too, read articles, and figured out how the platform works. I like what I have seen so far. I don't quite know how to write an introductory post. I wrote this post about a month ago when I celebrated my 45th birthday. It was my thoughts on turning 45. If you are wondering what I do for a living, well, I am a portrait/doodle/stencil/NFT artist. If you are curious about my work, you can check them out on my sites. You can find the link in my bio. I am a Malaysian, by the way. So without further ado, here is my so-called introductory post.*
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I celebrated my 45th birthday on Saturday, 19 February. I am not self-conscious at all about my age, and I have no shame in telling people how old I am. As I grew older, I realized that my age doesn't seem to carry the same weight it did in the past. So, you might be thinking my "middle-ageism" is debuting at 45. It sounds old and in a state of decline. We have been conditioned to believe that "middle-aged" people are labeled with pessimism - we are old, losing it, over the hill, past our prime. Language has power, and it can be brutal to our self-esteem.
But things have changed tremendously. Today's realities of women in midlife are far different from what our mothers experienced. Women in their fourth, fifth, or even sixth decades of their lives live entirely different experiences that are filled with vibrancy. Our best lives are not over.
But we are living in a culture that overidealizes youth. We see youth as an image of perfection, and this has a negative impact on midlifers. We struggle to find our best self and our groove in a culture that idolizes all things youthful. We struggle with negative inner dialogues based on unrealistic comparisons. We look at our lack too frequently until we fail to see ourselves accurately with faults and strengths that are worth celebrating. A 2014 study done by researchers from Yale University found that people who felt and believed they looked young were more effective during exercise than those in the same age group who did not feel that way. Do not underestimate the power of negative thinking. This study proved how perceptions of age are more convincing than reality. Your negative thinking can drastically skew the perceptions of your limitations as well as your future.
Society's fascination with youth leaves some women feeling anxious and out of control at midlife. We fear we are no longer relevant in the world obsessed with youthfulness. Our natural tendency of fast-forwarding our perception of the future doesn't help either. In our negativity, we look far to our seventies, eighties and imagine what life will be like then. We grow despondent and give up on ourselves before we even try. "I am old; why bother trying?" seems to be a common thought in our heads.
At this stage of life, we begin to rethink our choices in life and the impact those choices have on others. These thoughts often surface because this is the first time we confront our own mortality. We all knew someone from the same age group who had passed away, and we understood the finalities of life. We have acquired wisdom, and we can use that wisdom to rebalance and reinvent. We have the privilege to finally look back at what we have or have not accomplished and continue to dream big about what is in store. The next stage of our life looks good, but why are we still so dissatisfied sometimes?
I guess it has something to do with our underlying belief that we never change. The person that I am today, at 45, is still the same person I was at my 25. But that is not true! Life experiences and lessons we gleaned from them have made us different people. Our priorities and convictions change over time. And this is good news because we are not bound and shackled by our past self. Nothing can stop us from changing towards a more polished version of ourselves.
I am a Gen Xer. And like so many people of my generation, I constantly reject the status quo. And why should that stop now? At 45, I finally have the courage to find the real "me" despite all the labels I carry - wife, mother, sister, artist. I can look beyond cultural expectations on me and start to embrace the person that I truly am.
This is the stage of life where we can truly flourish. We are equipped with life experiences and wisdom that only age could give. We are free from the self-consciousness of youth where being accepted is the key to socially surviving. We are privileged because our next choices in life are no longer dependent on what everybody else thinks, well, unless we let them.
That's it for now. If you read this far, thank you. I appreciate it so much! Kindly give me a follow if you like my content. I mostly write about making art, life musing, and our mundane yet charming family life here in Klang Valley, Malaysia.
**Thank you for visiting and reading my post. I hope you like it!**
***My First NFT Collection – Stencil 2017 – Is Now Available On*** ***OpenSea*** https://opensea.io/collection/stencil-2017
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