@chrshnn 4 August 2021 more from that month

Because there's always be that one person in a circle of friends

August 4, 2021 || 10:53 pm Pardon me for that "not-so-long" title. This will be my first article here. My account was already created before but I don't know what to write. I had a little realizations today, so I wanted to give it a shot here. I might use this platform as my journal where everything that happens to me, this platform will be the first one to know. I am not a socialized person. I am more introvert than I ever be. I have friends too, but just a few. I never insisted on doing the first move whenever I'm unfamiliar with someone. Luckily, when I went to Junior High School, I met my two bestfriends. We don't have something in common. What I mean is that, all of us don't have the same passion when it comes to talent or other stuffs. My one friend, whom I call BF, loves to dance which I love to do also. However, my other friend, whom I call PANGET, don't want stuffs like dancing or singing. We all have different hobbies, but we all have the same goals. ❤️ During my college life, (btw I am now a 4th yr college student), I met my two bestfriends also, who are also my classmates. 😇 I must say that they made my college life easier and fun. However, things go beyond my expectations. And it's not a good thing. I always feel something I shouldn't have. I started to feel jealous. I started to become an introvert again - where I don't want to talk, neither get involved with someone elses life, and I just want to be alone. Lately, I feel like I was left out in our circle of friends. I am so out of place whenever they talk about something. I feel the need to ask them what's going on. I feel like I don't know anything which made me feel sad and paranoid. In a circle of friends, there will always be that one person who only wants to talk about things JUST to the other person, and not as a whole circle making that other person left out, and that's me. I always feel like I am not part of that circle, or maybe I am just that circumference that makes the group whole. I don't want to be a paranoid or overreacting person but I can't help myself not to think about it. I am always outdated. Maybe it's my fault also for being not a social-addict person. I am more into self-centered things rather than reading or listening to other's gossips. I am not into them, but that's just my nature. Sharing this experiences of mine here is definitely a good way of relaxing. I can't speak to them about this because I am afraid of what might they think about me. I don't want to be judged... For now, I am trying to focus myself on things that makes me forget about those paranoiding thoughts and stressful ideas. I just wanted to have peace in me, and I know no one can help me, but myself. ❤️