@chileng17 23 December 2022

It's going to be Christmas soon but I am with a heavy heart again.. Sometimes people who sorounds me ask too much of me... From a younger age I knew there is something wrong with me.. I suspected that I have autism but high functioning because from an early age they thought I am a genius because I can read at the age of 2... But it's hard for me to understand even simple things like how to differentiate left from right, I'm to scared with too much crowds. I can learn very fast or very slow, there is no in between.. Then I'll be an expert but after a year not practicing that expertise, I even forgot how to do the basics.. I am an only child and I need to set those personal peoblems aside.. I am the only one responsible... As if I have no right to be hurt, to be scared, to know nothing I have no right to have a disability because I should be the one responsible, the one who should be lean on l, the one who should absorb all of the negativity and to be the one who should be the understanding one.. and until now I am undiagnosed.... Because I have no right to get sick or whatsoever and I just accepted that faith until I die...at the age of 38 you won't believe I could not even go so far because I could get lost, I don't even know how to open a closed car ..lol... It is so frustrating to live a lot of times but I have RESPONSIBILITIES.