How do I get my child to behave better?
They say that life is very beautiful, the truth is that I have always believed in this hypothesis not only because I have lived it but also because I have experienced really good moments in this journey.
Today I would like to tell you a little of what I am feeling and who knows, maybe some of you can give me some advice.
I have two good, healthy, well-formed sons, one is serious and the other is very cheerful and fun. Israel listens to me and puts into practice the things we talk about, this makes the atmosphere more bearable at home, but with Fabian I have to repeat over and over again what he has to do.
Some time ago I decided not to argue so much with him, because it is tiring and boring. At that time I thought that arguing was in vain and that as Fabian (17) got older he would mature and things would get better.
Now Fabian has a girlfriend, a very pretty one, and he brought her home to introduce her to me, which I appreciated because it gave me a chance to get to know her a little and for her to get to know us as well. I don't know if this sudden change in Fabian's life and his routine has made him become a person I don't like. Before we could talk calmly, we discussed and reached agreements, but now it seems that he put two earplugs in his ears and does not want to listen to me.
This causes me a lot of pain and I don't know what to do. My husband is in a difficult situation because he does not want to be part of this situation and lean towards one side.
My problem is that I don't want Fabian to be glued to the phone, the computer and the girlfriend's house all day. I think there is a time for everything; or at least that's how I was raised. I know that times have changed and that we have to accept it, I think that the sooner we do it, the sooner we can avoid many arguments. But the truth is that I can't accept that the cell phone bill is high, nor can I accept that studies are on the back burner and that now I pretend to be at the girl's house every day, who I'm sure is also studying and has things to do at home.
Here in my house I have a motto and that is that we are all a team and we must help, but with Fabián it has cost me a lot for him to take this issue seriously. This year he started studying full time and I liked that a lot, but when he stayed at home he wanted to get up at 10 in the morning and immediately sat down at the computer and even worse, he didn't want to do anything to help with the chores at home.
They are so wrapped up in their world and their thinking that if you send them to make rice it burns and you can't say anything to them because they will eat you alive. Everyone tells me that it's their age and they tell me a thousand and one stories to make me understand that it's normal behavior. But it's hard for me to accept that I have to raise a selfish son in my house who just thinks he deserves everything for the simple fact of existing.
After an argument we had last week I have decided to step back for a while, keep quiet and calm down the heavy atmosphere that was forming. In truth, silence is sometimes necessary and I only hope that when we sit down to talk again we will all have clarified our ideas and thoughts and understand that we are a home, a family, a team and a society where we all have an obligation to fulfill. I don't like to say it this way, until recently the simple fact of loving each other was enough for everything to flow freely, but now it is something else that is not good and I don't know how to handle it.
I can NOT let my son do whatever he wants, I am still his mother and I have to help him, guide him in this world. A mother loves her children above anything, but there are limits.
image taken from pixabay
Translated with www.DeepL.com/Translator (free version)
Reading your article makes me think of my kids growing that age. What would be the challenges then. Have you tried talking to him calmly about your disappointments or at least expectations of him? I really hope things would be better soon for you and your son.