I got lost for a moment

Have you ever felt it too? When you are so tired of everything you do. When you don't have enough energy to fuel your day. It's like waking up and suddenly, you forget the purpose of your life, your worth and what is the reason why you keep on fighting the struggles despite being lost in the word you are living in.

When I was a kid, I got lost for a moment and I don't know how to go back to the world I used to live in. The place where I can smile without hesitation, where I can shout to the top of my lungs. I don't have time to worry about homework or even about my chores. My only responsibility as a child is to enjoy my life and be safe at the same time. Unfortunately, I got lost. Remember how I cried and how I scared am I being alone. It feels like I'll be gone forever.

In my teenage life, I wasn't prepared to face obstacles and how they challenged me, physically, mentally and emotionally. I worked for five years without the willingness of doing it. It's a big responsibility that is so hard to let go of. I want to take a break and enjoy living in the world but reality slapped me so hard that it's not the right time for me to relax. At that moment I was so lost, there were no lights, it's all of my miseries in the past that kept on hunting me.

I had a breakdown. There was a moment I collapsed in our school and my parents don't have any idea about it. I was receiving medals at school but my parents are so clueless to find out. I was humiliated at my workplace but I can't afford to tell it to everyone so I keep it to myself all this time. I don't have anyone at that moment, when I needed my friends the most, I expect to hold their hands but I saw their back until it was gone, out of my sight.

So many attempts of going away...

So many attempts of taking my life away.

I got lost for a moment, I remember how many times I skipped lunch so I can save money for my uniforms. I distance myself and lost my faith. Life was never been so easy for me. I cried silently at night, I have thoughts of ending my life at any moment and it is killing me so much inside.

Then he came into my life, I felt so sure that it was him. I was ready to give everything yet I found myself failing my subjects, losing my friends and losing my dreams. I said to myself that I want to date a guy with marriage in mind but it broke me into pieces, I'm broke emotionally and financially.

But... what makes me keep on facing the struggles in life despite all of them?

I got lost for a moment when I was a kid but there was a dog who guided me back to our home. I got lost for a moment in my teenage life but I have a very nice and kind adviser who stay on cheering me up for all those years. My adviser always walk on stage with me, hug me and telling that she is so proud of me. I got lost for a moment when a customer humiliated me but I have my workmates to fight for me, they say that there are so many rude customers like that. They make me strong which I can never imagine.

Little by little, I started to see light through the darkness. I started to see the way to happiness and contentment. To those challenges that I encountered, I realize something. It's okay to be lost sometimes because sometimes, getting lost is a good way to find yourself.

Author's Note:

I decided not to write something about crypto and let out the emotions that I've been keeping to myself. I know that we have our own battles, I just want you to know that if you lose today, you can fight again tomorrow until you win it.

It will surely take time, please be strong and have faith in God. I found myself again when I realized that I am not alone, he was there watching me, he was there rooting for me and he never leave me alone. I am the one who forgets him.

Article #127 (April 07, 2022)

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