@bmjc98
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Hello Darkness, My Old Friend
You know that feeling when you're trying so hard to be strong but every time you're doing well, the darkness keeps hunting you down. Now, I'm caught off guard and not sure how to get rid of this feeling again. I was super happy these past few weeks, then something came up, and I was back to my old self again. Back to my lonely self yet a kinda stronger version of it. Stronger in a way that I don't find myself thinking of those suicidal acts anymore. HEHE. I'm so proud of myself because of that. Now, I'm more on being just sad but with less deadly thoughts. But despite trying to stay positive in life, now, with just one snap, I don't find it anywhere in me. I feel like every time I do something fun or having a crush on someone, everything just starts to crumble and boom, all of a sudden, things crashed again. In the end, I'm still left alone in the corner waiting for another momentum to be okay again. I don't want to make this drama long, but I have to continue to make it a 3-min reading time article. And while trying to write something, I'm also listening to some sad songs to make me feel even sadder. I know it's weird and that I should listen to something fun and happy instead of this song. However, sad songs are the kind of songs I'd love to listen when everything is crashing. Anyway, feel free to listen to this version here. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u9Dg-g7t2l4 I also listened to this one, Taylor Swift's song. I'm sure you know this song. If not, then you should listen to this one. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RzhAS_GnJIc Okay, I don't think I can write for more words but before I end this article, I just want to thank @PVMihalache for checking on me earlier. Thank you also to @Jane @abraxas and to everyone who commented on my last noise post. Now, I feel like I need to sleep. My entire being is so damn tired that I don't feel like thinking or feeling about anything or something or someone. There's so much shitness going on so no time for extra baggage. Oh well, that's all. Sorry for posting nonsense today but at least, I was able to rant and lessen some of my heavy burdens. Anyway, goodnight. Off to bed now. No time to work. PS: I'm sad because ___ is ___, and I'm ___ alone ___ for ___ ___. Plus, I also got disappointed with my ___ ___ that I thought it was gonna be a success but turned out to be another ___ ___. No, this isn't a test or something. No free NFTs for that if ever you are ablet to fill up the missing blanks. HEHE. Okay, I'm out.
23 comments
Kinda sounds like you might be going through a breakup, or maybe your crush is with somebody else. Also kinda sounds like something you spent a lot of time on didn't land as well as you'd hoped. Heartbreak is real. It will take a real emotional toll on you. It will make you feel physical pain and sickness... and it sucks that it's something most of us will have to experience at some point in life. Life's gonna throw us punches now and again - it's up to us to deal with it the best we can. It's okay to get knocked down, but we shouldn't give up. I'm glad that you're able to identify that your mood has changed and you are having depressed thoughts. Being able to realize that there is something wrong is an important step in being able to progress. I hope you're able to take the time and space that you need to get better. Focus on some hobbies and things to try to take away some of the pain and find enjoyment in life again. And don't feel that you need to apologize for expressing your feelings. Nobody is happy all the time, and having to carry extra weight on your shoulders isn't a good thing. I'm glad you were able to vent a bit and feel a bit better. Tomorrow will bring a new day. Hopefully it will be better for you.
Hey! Sorry for the late reply. Anyway, I'm okay now. I feel quite a lot better actually after posting this kinda dramatic post. lol. Sorry, I don't know what else to say.
It's all good! Glad you're feeling better now, at least. Nothing wrong with doing a bit of venting once and a while :)
It feels good to vent once in a while. Heheh. This is why I love read or noise coz you can say anything dramatic without worrying that your friends might see it.
Good call haha. I don't spend much time here on read, but I'm pretty much always on Noise.
Not sure if I subscribed on you there. Wait, let me check. Hehe.
Wait, is this an "s done" comment in disguise? 🤔😂
HAHAHA maybe. lol
Be strong and shine! (And check your WAX)
I know I already messaged you this, but one thank you is never enough. Thank you, PVM, for last night. I really appreciated the gesture and will never forget that. Salamat. :)
You sound like you have depression. Even with medication and therapy, MDD (Major Depressive Disorder) never goes away. We are like Type 1 diabetics. No cure. The best at can do is manage it. And manage our behaviors. I say "we" because I have been diagnosed with MDD (and a bunch more but that's not what this comment is about). It sounds like you are doing a great job managing behaviors!! I'm so happy you aren't having suicidal thoughts. When we are down, it actually helps to listen to angry or sad music. It can be very cathartic. Also because our depression is mostly brain chemistry, we don't necessarily have a reason fire feeling sad or a target for our anger. The sad music let's us release some of our pent up feelings. Nobody, not even people with typical brain chemistry, is happy all the time. If you ever want to talk, feel free to reach out. I'll try to check on you soon, too.
Hello, Jonica. Thank you so much for this comment. Sorry, I did not reply right away as I was out this morning but don't worry, I'm totally fine now. Something just happened last night that triggered my depression but I'm all good. Now, after depression comes stress. LOL. Work stuff.
Yep. I understand!
-sigh- I believe that there is something called Rule of Balance. And I believe that life has a funny way of keeping it. Whenever you get to be overjoyed, next thing you know is you're going down the spiral and into the rabbit hole. Today you are all jumping and laughing together only to be mourning the next. So now, whenever I get excited or glad about something I calm myself thinking what could be the price to pay later so I don't over engage in it and kinda be on the safe side. I can't tell you how nor when, but all my thoughts of quitting and ending it all up were just gone. I guess, we can become stronger bit by bit as we go through of these several hardships. I may not know how you feel know, and I may not understand but I feel like sharing is important and we are all willing to listen.
That is so true. After the sunshine, expect for a heavy rain. :) But don't worry, I'm all good now. Thank you for the comment. I really appreacited it.
Yeeep yeeep!! That's so like it. I think the consolation for that is, we can't have a rainbow without some rain. And it's good to it is good to know that you're good. Keep holding on mate!
That's the plan. If I can hodl BCH, I know I can hodl onto my life no matter how how down it is. Hehehe.
Wahaha exactly! Let's keep hodling until we reach the peak.
Cheers, man! HODL is life!
Cheers! It's going up up and up.
That is the fallback when melancholy type of individuals (like myself) allows situations and circumstances govern my mood and my drive. I used to be like you listening to sad songs when emo hits and the darkness tries to grab a leg, but I switch to worship songs instead because when I (personally) change my concentration no longer on me, the darkness seemed to fade away; because that's what darkness wants, to be so concentrated on ourselves that we forgot who we truly are in the eyes of those who (and Who) love us. Good that you are stronger within. But don't hang in the damp darkness too long because sunshine awaits to warm you up again. 😉
Thanks and no, I don't stay dramatic for longer than 2 days. I'm more (I guess) matured enough to handle myself in times like this. I'm actually okay before I went to bed last night and feels a lot better now. Yuh, maybe I should focus on worship songs next time. :) Thanks, anyway. :)
Mine with the help of worship songs usually stay around 1 night lol.