I Wanted To Have My Own Child, But I Changed My Mind Because...

66 82
Avatar for bmjc98
Written by
4 months ago

Becoming a mother of your own child is probably every woman's dream. There is no more incredible feeling than seeing and carrying your flesh and blood in your arms. Although being a mother is a forever responsibility and is never an easy task, I believe that the struggles and the many sleepless nights will all be worth it in the end, especially when you see that mini version of you smiling back at you.

As a woman, I also dreamed of becoming a mom. I have always loved kids ever since. When I first laid my eyes on my eldest niece at 16, I knew right then that I also wanted to have one. However, since I had my boss baby and became a full-time tita, I have become more exposed to the struggles that made me change my mind about motherhood. Let me explain why.

I wanted to have my own child, but I changed my mind because...ย 

I don't think I would find my destiny

I used to tell some friends that when I turned 25, I would go to a pub, get drunk, and hook up with any random guy as long as he satisfied my eyes. If I don't get pregnant on that first encounter, I'll repeat the process until it is successful. Sounds easy, huh?

Image source

However, as a shy type of person, it never happened. I never even tried it because of several factors: I don't know how to do the first move, I don't think I can do it, and lastly, I don't want to get sick. So yeah, until now, I never execute that plan, and I doubt I ever will.

I am financially unstable

We all know that becoming a mother has many responsibilities, especially if you plan to be a single mom. It's not like your only worry is to find a partner to make this whole baby-making possible. It would be best if you also were financially stable. That way, you can provide for your child's basic needs from the moment you find out you are pregnant until they finish college.

Image source

Unfortunately, I can only provide for myself and my three furry babies. Even so, I am still struggling financially. It would be so selfish of me to push my plan without enough solid foundation for my kid, all because I didn't want to grow old alone. I don't think I would ever want to have my own child and see them suffer in the future.

If the partner, even if we won't end up together, will be willing to provide for the kid, then perhaps I can reconsider this.

I easily get stressed

Back in the day, when my only duty was to babysit the kids when their moms were busy for a few hours and send them back once they were free, I was pretty patient with them. I used to babysit my first two eldest nieces while their mom was doing some laundry without any problem. I rarely complain. Even when I worked in 3rd shift, from 10 PM to 6 AM, and went home to babysit my then 4-years-old niece, I could still manage the stress.

However, things have changed since my boss baby turned two. He becomes so clingy, and I can't work with him around. When I started working as a content creator, I had to lock my room to work peacefully. Otherwise, he'd sit on my lap while trying to type on my keyboard.

Image source

Now that he is three, it's getting harder for me to work. He would demand to turn off the computer because he wanted me to sit next to him or lay in bed. It got to the point wherein I would yell at him till he cried so hard. It happens a lot, and though I feel guilty, I still can't control my anger now and then.

Because of this, I realized that it would be tough for me to have a kid, especially as a single mom. I get stressed quickly, and I might not be able to handle my anger issues. I'd rather not have a child than become an angry mom.

I need to work

Based on my experience, it's not easy to work home-based while you also have to look after the kid. Even if you have some family members with you, if the kid only wants you and not them, it would be tough to focus on either of the two. So, I think it's a good choice not to have a kid. How can I provide for my kid if I can't work correctly? And how am I supposed to work appropriately and peacefully when I have a kiddo on my side constantly wanting my attention?

Image source

I may not be able to keep up

Sadly, this is my worst problem. I know there are others whose disabilities are more complex than mine, but I still feel I need to consider this issue, especially since I'm not getting any younger.

Image source

I can't keep up with my child once they can finally walk and run. I also feel like my child will be sad when they have school activities one day which involve the child-parent tandem because I'm pretty sure I won't be able to participate. You know, those little things.

As promised, I will announce today the six random users to get $0.10 each for participating in my mini event from this article:ย A Little Token Of Appreciation For Your Huge Support. Here are the six chosen ones: @MicroReylatos @Jeaneth @PVMihalache @ZoyaAnsarii @Bella.bch @Betduce. Congrats!

I will upvote your comment on that article later.

Closing thoughts

Inspired by my nephew, I have decided to share my thoughts about having a child. I love him very much like my own, but he's just so stubborn, and I sometimes want to scream at the back of my head to release the stress I have because of him.

And as much as I want him here, I think it's time for me to tell his mom to take him back. Let her do her job as his mom. He can still live with us here, but only if his mom agrees to hire a nanny so I can also work. I need to make a living too.

So yeah, even if I wanted to have a mini version of myself, I don't think I should. As I have always said, maybe I can, but not in this lifetime. For now, I must refrain from my urge to want a baby. As I have said, I can only do this if the partner agrees to provide half of the child's needs or if I have a partner for real.

Any thoughts about this matter? Feel free to share.


Feel free to follow me on:

noise.appย |ย noise.cashย |ย Publish0xย |ย Hiveย |ย Torumย |ย Twitter


21
$ 3.07
$ 2.41 from @TheRandomRewarder
$ 0.20 from @PVMihalache
$ 0.10 from @MicroReylatos
+ 9
Sponsors of bmjc98
empty
Avatar for bmjc98
Written by
4 months ago

Comments

hello dear sis, just have seen my name there on your noise app post, happy to know that iam among those winners, its my first time to get such reward.

being a mom is really a big responsibilty, but i believe one day you will be best mum in the world.

$ 0.10
4 months ago

Every loving, responsible, selfless, and hard working moms are the best moms in the world, but yeah, I hope I'll be one of them someday.

Anyway, congrats sis! Glad you found my message.

$ 0.00
4 months ago

Give us a mini-MJ... Imagine having a lot of MJs around...the world would be a better place...with your dashing look and adorable eyes.

Having a child requires deep thoughts. That's why I always marvel when people have s*x without condoms and they act surprised when they noticed she's pregnant. What were they expecting? A plasma TV?

I love how you are evaluating your choices and I know when the time is right, you will know whether you are ready or not and when you feel ready, your mental state shifts immediately. Everything will be fine. I love how you touched every angle because it's important to evaluate.

$ 0.05
4 months ago

Thank you, Ola. I just realized that it's better not to rush things just for the sake of having a baby or not to grow old alone. It would a selfish thing to do if I just think about myself and ignore the future of the baby. And you know me, I like to overthink. Hehe. Thank you, Ola, but I do hope I can have one when the right time comes. You'd be one of the virtual godparents.

$ 0.02
4 months ago

Hahaha overthinking is good sometimes... especially in this case. I also blame people when they have a child they didn't have a plan for. It's wickedness to bring a child to the world and watch them suffer so I agree with you.

Take your time and when you are ready you will know...and I would be more than happy to be the virtual and physical godfather. I believe we might see soon too ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜

$ 0.00
4 months ago

Yeah. Sadly, there are just some people out there who keep making baby and abandon them in the end.

And yay! I'm glad you are willing to be my future child's godfather. Hehe. Thank you, Ola. You're the best!

$ 0.00
4 months ago

Yaaaay.... I am more than happy to. It's such a great honour.

Sadly, we have those who don't understand the consequences of their choices and you see why I said you are thoughtful. You are beautiful in and out MJ... Keep being awesome.

$ 0.00
4 months ago

Hello, I was lucky on this occasion, so thanks for whatever it is that I win, that the truth is I don't even know what it is hahaha.

I read all the comments and responses to this publication and I must tell you that in my opinion you are doing the right thing, if you do not have financial stability that allows you to pay for the education of that child for the first 20 years of his life (this includes doctors, illnesses, Primary and secondary studies until finishing university, which is supposed to be able to fend for itself, so that's why I calculate approximately 20 years), so it's better not to board that train.

And regarding having a partner, it is also very difficult, you and I know why, starting because you are someone very special in many ways, and the truth is you need someone as special or more than you.

And unless the BCH one day reaches about $30,000 and you have about 10 BCH in your possession to begin with, I think that is not going to be possible, but in the meantime, it is not a bad thing that you have that dream present and that it is something that motivates you to move forward.

You are still young although you are going to answer me no, I know that because we have already had this conversation on several occasions.

I remember a long time ago, the first times we started talking XD.

It can be good for you if you don't think about these things, and I think you do very well publishing everything you think and feel so that it doesn't stay with you. Good work.

Meanwhile, keep going, relaxed, with your principles and purposes, without anything diverting you from what you want, and surely when you least expect it, life is going to give you a surprise, what can I tell you with my 55 years, I have seen how life changes hundreds of people when they least expect it.

I hope that when your turn in the queue comes, you know how to take advantage of the opportunity and don't let it pass you by, ok?

A hug girlie girl!

PS: I still remember when you helped me by telegram that time, recording the video, when I had the problem with my wallet. Thanks again for that, don't think I've forgotten.

And thanks for the prize, although I don't know what it is.

$ 0.15
4 months ago

Oh my! Your comment. Thank you for sharing your views. I appreciate it. Yeah, aside from the first 20 years of his life, the first 9 months of the pregnancy would be challenging as well. That prenatal checkups, vitamins, and other expenses. Gosh! So many things to consider.

Anyway, thank you again, and for commenting to my article. As for the reward, it's just $0.10. Not much, tbh. And as I probably said before, you are very much welcome. Didn't expect you still remember that. Hehe.

$ 0.00
4 months ago

Hi sis! Just came here after I saw you paging me on noise. May gani kay nag check ko sa updates before I decided to sleep. Thank you sis!

Bahin sa wanting to have child, I honestly don't imagine myself to be a mom too. Though naay times nga maka hunahuna ko but mas mo patigbabaw jud ang dili tungod kay hago magbantay, og dako kaayo na nga responsibility. At times I thought about it but maybe I'm just in love of the feeling of it but not really embracing what reality would be ๐Ÿ˜†

$ 0.10
4 months ago

Maayo ra jud nag paging ko didto sis. Congrats sa gamay na reward sis. Pasensya na mao ra tawn ni. Hehe.

Lagi makaingon sad jud ko na dili lalim magbantay ug bata. Dili gali lalim na pag umangkon ni naku. Unsa na lang ug akoa ng anak. Usa pa, wa jud sad koy ikagasto intawn. Kana pa lang daan murag di jud madala.

$ 0.00
4 months ago

It's good to really think about it deeply po since based on your blog it's actually hard. But I know po kayang-kaya niyo yan palagi, I believe in "Mother knows best" supremacy.

$ 0.02
4 months ago

True. Maybe one day, i will. For now, i need to save more muna to make sure na kahit papano, me pang gastos ako. Hehe

$ 0.00
4 months ago

Congrats to all winners :)

$ 0.02
4 months ago

Salamat beh.

$ 0.00
4 months ago

Definitely when you want to have own child you need to become financially good and ready to change difficulties Some people think its a easy but it's not easy to protect her/him to provide all the facilities

$ 0.02
4 months ago

Exactly! It sounds easy, but it's not. Lots of responsibilities and things to consider. It's not easy to join a battle without enough preparation. Anyway, thanks for sharing your views.

$ 0.00
4 months ago

Being a mother is really hard, ang daming dapat e consider. Para ngang even id you are ready na, magiging mahirap pa rjn ang lahat. But malay mo naman, dumatinf pa rjn ang time na magka baby ka? Maybe today is not the time yet?

$ 0.02
4 months ago

Yeah, for now, no muna pero pag me pagkakataon naman at kaya ng bulsa, why not. Char. Hehe. Pero sana. One day.

$ 0.00
4 months ago

Yayy, one day, sana andito pa si read.cash no para naman updated kamo sa love life mo if ever mayroon na UwU.

$ 0.00
4 months ago

Haha. Sana nga. Sana talaga tumagal pa to.

$ 0.00
4 months ago

Becoming a mother I also think of stress, but then we just need to have the courage to be called mummy one day.. Then we know we are fully prepared

$ 0.02
4 months ago

Stressful but yeah, one day, i will still do it because I really want to be a mom. I will when the right time comes.

$ 0.00
4 months ago

As much as the stress is certain and constant, it still doesn't make me not want kids. I love them so much

$ 0.02
4 months ago

Yeah, i also do want a baby regardless of how stressful it can be. Just that, I'm broke and has no partner. Lol.

$ 0.00
4 months ago

I'll say this MJ most of us who have children will tell you if they would have waited to be financial ready or have everything in good order we probably wouldn't have kids. Even so, it's still never perfect welcoming a new life in this world. When you become a parent your priorities change drastically and a lot of selfishiness disappears in us because it goes directly into that young baby. Also we do everything we can to give our children the best we can. We sacrifice a lot for them. Hard to explain but that first sight of them changes us forever.

Asides from all of that I believe you can be a good mother.

$ 0.02
4 months ago

I know that once you become a parent, your first priority will be the child. And you don't mind the stress and struggles because you know it will be all worth it. I do want to have one, but for now, it's not ideal for me. Not sure when, but I hope it won't be too late for me to have one.

$ 0.02
4 months ago

You gotta start shopping for a lucky man, haha

$ 0.00
4 months ago

no one is too ready to have a child. Since nagkaanak ako sis, di ko inexpect yung drastic changes sa buhay ko. bukod sa financial stability, kelangan mo mas maiprepare yung sarili mo mentally and emotionally sa mga bagay na di mo ineexpect. literal na rollercoaster. I plan to work din sana kaso wala pa magbabantay sa anak ko ngayon kaya tiis muna kami.

$ 0.02
4 months ago

Kaya nga sis e. Dapat prepared ka. Actually, kahit gano ka pa ka prepared, di mo rin masasabi e. Pero yung mentally, emotionally, at lalo na financially, kahit papano man lang each ma reach ko to. Pero for now, ipon muna pag lalaanan ko ng time aside sa pamangkin ko.

$ 0.00
4 months ago

I have a baby now sis and it's actually life changing, ang daming nagbago sa buhay ko.. Personally, ako ang bilis ko lang mairita pero I try my best na ma control

$ 0.02
4 months ago

For sure, sis. I mean life-changing talaga ang pagkakaroon ng baby. Sana one day, ma experience ko rin to. Pero wag muna ngayon. Hehe

$ 0.00
4 months ago

Have you really considered and come up with a conclusive decision? You are afraid of failing at being a mum. The reasons you mentioned are understandable but don't forget the child will also have a father who will assist financially and otherwise.

We all don't have to give birth, but when we decide not to, let the reason not be fear of not keeping up.

I know a lot of working mothers, who work and still make out time for the kids.

Well, it's your decision to make, and I hope those around you should respect it.

In the end, never say never.

$ 0.02
4 months ago

I have no problem becoming a mom but only if I have someone I can call a husband. It's a long story, but it's not that easy to find a real one. But if there's someone out there, then why not. :)

$ 0.00
4 months ago

Well, I hope you find that someone.

$ 0.00
4 months ago

Oo mahirap lalo na pag financial ang pinag-uusapan ksi un ung pinakakailangan natin to sustain the needs and wants of a family. Dahil dun kya kelangan ntin kumayod, naiistress pag short sa budget at minsan dhil my gusto taung matapos e mababaling ang stress sa anak kya napapagalitan na lng. Malaking factor din ung pagkkroon ng family oriented at responsibleng partner pra my kahati sa obligasyon ng pagiging parent/s, un lng ang need mo hanapin jeje..

$ 0.05
4 months ago

Responsible na partner lang siguro need ko sis. HAHAHAH. Solve na. HAHAH. Kasi meron akong kahati sa obligasyon at gastusin. HEHE.

$ 0.00
4 months ago

I know that deep inside you want your own child but those things you've mentioned hinder you and all of it are valid especially bringing up a child into the world and let it suffer in the end because you can't provide the needs.. mahirap nga mag work tas may bata, sakin nga na bwisit ako minsan talagang mabalikas gyud naku usahay ๐Ÿ˜‚ maka guilty uy pero tao raman sad ta kapuyon ug mapuno, kapoy jud mainahan..mao nang di na gani unta ko gusto mag anak utro pud.

$ 0.02
4 months ago

True jud na Eyb. Ako gali, perme jud ko ma HB ai. Ug makamatay lang ning sigeg badlong, ambot, pila na lang kaha mabiling taw diria. HAHAHA. Dili jud lalim. Samutan pag hinay internet, hapit ng deadline, na damay tanan lagi. HEHE.

$ 0.00
4 months ago

I literally understand you sis, because it ain't really easy to become a mom. I can understand with your frustration because my son is also like your niece. His also naughty and that's the reason why I lessen up my screen time as he always demand for my attention. But I am his mother and I can't complain since his part of my responsibility and after all, his my first priority.

$ 0.02
4 months ago

Kaya nga sis. Yung mga bata kasi ngayon parang grabe ang paglambing. Minsan gusto mo maging productive, di mo magawa. Nakakaguilty din naman kasi pag yung tipong puro na lang pang earnings inuuna mo. Tas yung bata, di mo nabibigyan ng time.

$ 0.00
4 months ago

Mix emotions yung mararamdaman mo sis pero sauna lang yan masaya magkaroon ng anak.ako nga sis 18 years old ako nagkaanak ngayon parang magka barkada lang kami.share na nga kami ng mga damit at pwede ko rin sya masabihan ng mga secrets hehehe.syempre may stress pero kya mo rin lagpasan lahat yan.

$ 0.02
4 months ago

Pero feeling ko naman kaya naman siguro. Yung iba ngang nasa kalsada lang, nakarami naman at buhay na buhay naman mga anak nila. Di nga lang maganda ang pamumuhay nila pero nakaya naman. Well, kung meron naman talaga, why not.

$ 0.00
4 months ago

Oo naman sis,kaya mo yan iba_iba naman tayo ng point ehh ang mahalaga aware ka sa ano mang outcome pag may sarili kanang anak advance thingking ba hehehe

$ 0.00
4 months ago

Salamat sis sa opinion mo. One day, sis. One day.

$ 0.00
4 months ago

Sa dami natin iniisip sis kaya pabago bago yung takbo ng isip natin. Ako sis I'm married na pero for now di pa ready kaya hindi muna dami pa kasing mga goals na kailangan muna unahin.

$ 0.02
4 months ago

Sis, bata ka pa naman so okay lang yan. For sure, magaganda mga anak mo sis. Na excite ako sa future baby mo. HEHE.

$ 0.00
4 months ago

Salamat sis. ๐Ÿฅฐ In a right time sis. Sayo din sis kasi cute ka kaya sis. ๐Ÿฅฐ

$ 0.00
4 months ago

Haha. Thanks sis. Sana.

$ 0.00
4 months ago

oh, dapat ge hire nalang ka as nanny oi with pay. yes, with pay. di baya lalim. wa gani ni nako gepa antos akong mga parents-in-law nga mag 24/7 bantay kay hasol jud kaayo ang mga bata. mao hands-on ko sa duha. ang boy mag watch tv, ang girl mag independent play. hehe

$ 0.02
4 months ago

Lagi ui. Naa man akong mama sad sa balay pero kaning bataa kay sa ako man jud mangita. Makamata lang gali unya wa kos bed kay nag computer ko, ipa off dayon. Di jud muhilom unless mutapad ko. Saons na lang.

$ 0.00
4 months ago

ikaw na jud iyang mama hehe

$ 0.00
4 months ago

Never say never... you would be an wonderful mother. You are strong, stubborn and hard working ๐Ÿ’ช

$ 0.10
4 months ago

HEHE. Yeah, but for now, I'll stick to this. I still have, mmm, 5 years to think about this. LOL. Congrats, by the way! I know you won't accept prizes, but rules are rules. :)

$ 0.00
4 months ago

Never give up! One day things will align in a way you never expect

$ 0.00
4 months ago

O my God, my name is on your list, Thank you my dear It sounds like you want a child but something (the points you already mentioned in the article) scares you. & This is a good thing that you first want to be independent& be prepared before having a baby

$ 0.10
4 months ago

Yes, sis. You are one of the lucky ones. Thank you for joining.

And yeah, these things scare me a lot. I don't want to end up being an irresponsible parent who can't provide even the child's basic needs, so I need to think about the future.

$ 0.00
4 months ago

Thank you do mch my dear๐Ÿ’•โค๏ธ God bless you always

$ 0.00
4 months ago

Ninong nya ko HAHAHA but yeah dapat kahibaw gud kas sarili nimo na kaya na nimo mag ing ana. Kung dili pa gani. Ayaw lang sa Haha

$ 0.02
4 months ago

Unya na lang ug mag $5k na ang BCH. HAHAHAH. Murag insured na ang pang diaper sa bata ana. HAHAHA.

$ 0.01
4 months ago

I am 30 and I don't think about have a child for now. I want achieve some things first. Maybe in 5 or 7 years ๐Ÿ˜….

$ 0.02
4 months ago

Men don't have to worry about that. Women, however, need to consider getting married before they hit their menopausal period. LOL. In my case, I'm getting there. HAHA

$ 0.00
4 months ago

jaja you are right realities are different but Is not a obligation having childs. I have girlfriends that don't want having kids at all.

$ 0.00
4 months ago

It's not an obligation, but I do like to have one if and only if I met most of the criteria here. Hehe

$ 0.00
4 months ago

Lisud jud mahimong inahan or ginikanan sis ko dili pa ready labi na ning gipang mention nimo. Pero pag naa na ,kaya raman sad bisan lisod๐Ÿ˜

$ 0.05
4 months ago

I think kaya ra na if naa kay backup. Pero murag kaya ra man jud siguro kay nahimo man gali nas nag puyo ras daplin sa kalsada. HEHE

$ 0.00
4 months ago