I Want A Child At 35

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Written by
1 year ago
Topics: Baby

As someone who is not getting any younger anymore, never gets pregnant ever, and has some physical needs (not the kind of needs you have in mind though) to consider, I think it's time for me to make a decision that will definitely change my life.

I want to give birth at 35.

Is it wrong to wish for this? Is it wrong to want to become a mom? Is it wrong to just do something just for the sake of getting pregnant?

Okay, if we talk about morals, yes, I am aware that my idea is a bit immoral. I should find someone to become my husband first before even planning something like this.

But before you judge me, here are a few of my reasons why:

Age

Age is a big factor in my decision. I've heard that women who never get pregnant ever will have a hard time bearing a child at the age of 30s.

There are several risks too: miscarriage, birth defects, twins, high blood pressure, gestational diabetes, and difficult labor.

So if I wait for more years again, then these risks will surely go doubled. Plus, as you all know, I'm a person with a disability, so if I keep waiting then it will be hard for me to handle my pregnancy.

I only want a baby

I don't think I could find a husband material. Someone who will truly love me unconditionally. Someone willing to take me as I am.

And I don't want to wait and waste my time for nothing. Actually, I've already thought about it many times since I was in my mid-20s. My initial plan was to do it in my mid- or late-20s, but my conscience tells me to wait.

I did wait for years. I met a few guys and all they did was break my heart as well as my trust. Now, I don't think I can trust again.

I don't want to adopt

And sorry, I don't want to adopt a child. I really want to have my own. That's unless I'm infertile, then I might reconsider adopting an infant. But for now, I'll stick to my plan.

So what exactly is my plan?

Find someone. Discuss the plan. If he agrees with my terms and conditions, then that's it!

I've already prepared some rules too. Here's a list of them:

  • No strings attached.

  • He cannot disclose any information to anyone unless I say so.

  • The baby will use my last name and not his.

  • He will be known as the father, but he is not allowed to demand or anything.

These will be my rules for now. Who knows I'll add more in the future.

Am I ready to have a baby?

I do think I am. I have save something for the future and with BCH, who knows I'll be financially more ready.

Emotionally, yes! I also believe that if I'm a good furmom to my furbabies and aunt to my siblings' kiddos, then I think I'm more than ready for my own. Plus, I have my mom to back me up I guess.

The only issue is that I'm a shy typed person so I don't know how to execute my plan. I know it seems easy, but it's actually not. I'm not worried about people's opinion, but I just don't have the courage to really ask someone to do it.

By the way, I won't do it to any random guy though. There will always be certain requirements that I need to check before I say YES to this guy. And I'll make sure to pick the right person so I won't deal with future problems with him.


Closing thoughts

Before I lose the chance to become a mom, I'm just going to do it without emotions involved. Honestly, if only we could just download a baby on Google Play Store, I would love to download my future little one. I don't mind paying though.

Am I desperate? Maybe, but it's already planned for year's so hopefully, I'll have the guts to do it soon.


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Avatar for bmjc98
Written by
1 year ago
Topics: Baby

Comments

First I thought that you wanted to trick a one night stand into becoming a father. πŸ™ˆ I'm glad that's not the case. πŸ˜…

I don't think I could find a husband material. Someone who will truly love me unconditionally. Someone willing to take me as I am.

Why do you believe that?

I hate to say it, but are you unwilling to work on yourself for the sake of having a relationship?

I think Eybyoung gave you really good advice. Having a child is not all about completing your life. It's also - or probably even more about the child.

I'm not the best person to suggest that, but it would be better for the child to have parents who are doing well together.

I understand that you don't want to put yourself in a vulnerable position. However, maybe you can find a partner who you can live and raise the child together with - even if you're not heads over heels in love with him.

$ 0.02
1 year ago

Yeah, I think I have this weird mindset that just.. I don't know. Hard to explain. And yes, after Eyb's advice, I kinda have a change of heart. This plan is over.

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1 year ago

I think the plan can still work with some modifications. 😊

You are not too old yet. 😊

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1 year ago

Yay! Any suggestion? HEHE. I trust your judgment so any advice from you will be much appreciated. :)

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1 year ago

Well, to be honest, I'm pretty far from an expert. πŸ™ˆ

But I think having a partnership with a man with a great character could work. That man may not be the most attractive person in the world, physically, but I think for a long term relationship the character is more important than looks. As long as the looks are acceptable.

Of course, that is not a guarantee that it will actually work for years to come, but I guess it's the best we can do. There are no guarantees in life. πŸ™ˆ

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1 year ago

I know. I do want that actually. But trust me, based on my experience, 99.9% of men prefer someone better. And when we say better, someone that is far like me. I also had an ex who's not even good-looking but just like the rest, he left.

This is the reason why I'd rather be a single mom than wait for that man who would accept me. I think the .1% who's not into looks are already taken or dead. Lol. But then again, I don't want the baby to suffer because of my action, so it's better not to do anything stupid.

If you have someone to recommend, let me know. HAHAHHA.

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1 year ago

Haha, I think that in the western cultures at least there are many men who are involuntarily single. However, I'm not sure if it's a good idea to start a relationship with one of them as some have developed a hatred for women. But you seem to be different from most women. 😊

I think that you are quite a rational person. That gives you an advantage over most other women. 😊

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1 year ago

Just kidding tho. It's better to wait for the right one than chased every single guy and hope for a miracle to happen. lol. Besides, it's never a crime to be single. At least, I have dogs I can call my babies. And thanks for the compliment. I guess, there's hope for me then. lol

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1 year ago

I definitely think that there is hope for you.

However, the kind of men that are most promising may be too shy to initiate contact with you. That's why I think that it would be a good idea if you did that.

I know that's very unusual and not Disney- love- story- like, but the good thing is that you don't need any skills for doing that, because other women very rarely initiate contact. I'm sure that most men will be happy about that happening.

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1 year ago

It's very unique. Imagine if this story happens, they may not end up together, but they remain good friends, then it's worth the risk. I don't expect a disney-like story, I know that's gonna happen or impossible to happen. But if someone is willing to make my dream comes true (LOL) without blackmailing me in the end, then I'd be happy to welcome him in my life. lol

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1 year ago

Hmm your plan is nice but try to consider the baby welfare growing up without a dad, take it from me. No matter how much you poured love to the child he/she will be incomplete, in the later he/she will start asking who is her/his dad.. and felt insecure, inferior and anything that has something to do with psychological and mental aspects.

I am sorry for all the heartbreakers you have..but pray that someone will come to help you fulfill your dreams without leaving you. Please learn to trust again but with limits, and know that there is no perfect relationship, we always have lapses so we should expand our patience to compromise.

$ 0.02
1 year ago

An advice expecting from responsible mom

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1 year ago

Hayst. Yes. Eto rin din siguro. I know because of my niece. She grew up without a father figure dahil hiwalay mama and papa niya. And she was only 1 when she last saw her papa. Although a few years ago, me communication na ulit sila but iba pa rin kung present yung father.

Well, plano pa lang to and knowing me na minsan lang naeexposed sa outside world, baka wala rin to. I need guts and I need more guts to fulfill this. Pero I guess, I should reconsider and ask God for his guidance Na lang muna. Thanks for the advice.

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1 year ago

Yes because once you become a parent it's not all about you anymore, it's about the kids welfare..

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1 year ago

True. And I also don't want to suffer my kiddo because of my action. Anyway, thanks ulit sa advice.

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1 year ago

I like something about your plan, good luck!

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1 year ago

Hehe. Thank you. Tho I don't think I can really do this.

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1 year ago

I think it's very good that you want to be a mother. But I’d be afraid the dad would kick up the rules he initially accepted once. I don't really know how this works, can't you get / buy sperm from a sperm bank and artificially fertilize you? If you don’t want a man in your life by any means, this might be the best option.

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1 year ago

It's a serious matter that need to think many times and feeling ko naman napag isipan mo na ng ilang beses so, support kita jan sis kasi I can't judge you if yan talaga gusto mo at pananaw mo. As long as it makes you happy and fulfilled diba 😊😊😊 I hope when that time comes meron pa, rin ang read.cash 😊 para mawitness namin yun.😁😁😊

$ 0.01
1 year ago

Pag isipan talaga to. Kasi it's a big decision that needs a lot of thinking. Hay naku. Hehe

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1 year ago

-Hi Sis! It's a brave and bold decision..and I admire you for your determination and courage. But having a biological child only comes with Gods blessing through any way or instrument., like having a husband, that is the legitimate way in moral aspect, yet each of us has our destiny even the child that is going to be born because each has its purpose why we need to exist here in the mortal world, because of Gods plan for us with a purpose. Maybe your plan may be the way for you to have a child..but please take extra careful Sis, you should know well the person even face to face. it's not as easy as ABC, there is a physical involvement, you could never be sure of your feelings, and at the same time of the guy's intention. Please don't get offended it's a payong kapatid ha? Have a soul searching and spiritual unwinding..ask it religiously with God and he will give it to you in the right way in his perfect time, this kind of thing that only God could ever decide when it will really come to you ok? I have a n adopted child, I got him at the age of 18 because I witnessed how his mother died from giving birth to him, since I could afford to raise a child with the help of family I spent a lot of money to get him because you know well the policy here in the Philippines πŸ‡΅πŸ‡­, without money influence so hard to adopt legally then I was so young that time and single..but in the future I also wishing to have 2 to 3 children as I get married..thats why I also need to become an NBI to investigate well, my husband to be in the future hehheh! Just kidding...Career goal first for me this time...All I want to say Sis..seek Gods guidance..ask this according to his will ok? He has plans for you..enjoy life..you are a blessing to your siblings kids and to others just enjoy what's in your hand..count your blessings! When you walk in Gods path pretty sure you will get the best thing for you..I could never say it's a child or a husband..what is sure to happen IS, what's best for you is what God will give to you! So cheer up! You are beautiful, brave and courageous..your worth is a gem! OK always think of that!!!! Love lots Sis! ❀ Have a blessed day!🌷

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1 year ago

Thank you sis. Don't worry, I don't get offended easily pag sa friends. I always respect and grateful for their honesty. In fact, I'm happy you said this. Maybe you're right. Better commit myself to God and let him do the rest. When I pray to him, I don't mention these things to him. I guess I should be more open up. Hehe. Ayoko pa habain comment ko pero salamat sis.

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1 year ago

Being a mother is a big responsible. That's why even my mom and I are not close, I really loved her , honor her and respect her. When I still young I always say that I just want a child, but seing those people that still looking for a father even their mom is already enough and raised them well, the longingness having a father is still there. The first foster kids that we foster before and now adopted of Americans, still longing for their real parents. Adoption - that's my line before, I don't like to adopt. But when we became a foster family saw alot of babies being abandoned, I was like - I'm going to adopt if I can. It's not their fault to be born without a parent. It's like my cat, I adopt straycat instead buying. Breed because no one wants to adopt them and give them a good shelter. And I neutered him because I don't want him to pregnant other stray female cats and abandoned them πŸ˜‚βœŒοΈ. For me, adoption is not bad. Even God adopt us because his original tribe is Israel ,Jew .. but us pagan adopted him because of his unconditional love. Oh davah article na.. πŸ˜‚. Wala lang πŸ˜‚..

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1 year ago

Hahahhaha. Article ba to or comment? Hehehe. Salamat. Pero ewan ko ba. Nasasapian na siguro ako. Bahala na. I mean, I'll try not to do anything stupid. Maybe, I'll just wait for a sign or something, or focus more on the furbabies na lang.

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1 year ago

Mas masipag tlga magcomment sau.. dahil siguro matagal mo na ko reader..

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1 year ago

Or dahil sa hindi ko alam ano sasabihin. HEHE. Or baka dahil na realized ko na tama ka. Heheh.

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1 year ago

sis basin naa d ay moabot..pila na imo edad? getting pregnant at 35 indeed has a lot of risks.. I was 33 when I gave birth to Matti, it was hard. If I knew mas okay mabuntis na bata pa, mas bata pa unta ko nagpabuntis..hehe anyway, basin naay plan si Lord nimo.. we'll never know.. commit to Him your heart's desires and plans...

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1 year ago

33 na ko sis and going 34 this September. Lagi sis. Siguro ampo na lang and let Him do the wonders. Kung unsay Plano niya di na lang naku supakon. Salamat sis.

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1 year ago

Reply

yes sis...

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1 year ago

Sa totoo lng sis meron dto samin gusto din mgkababy nang walang husband. And yes, nafulfill nya ang goal nya. Ngwork sa abroad ay yung amo nyang lalaki ngkaanak sla at no strings attached. Nung nbuntis na sya umuwi sya ng Pinas at dto na ngstay. By the way nag ipon muna sya for the future bago inexecute ang plan nya. And now malaki na baby nya kasing edad ng baby boy ko, going 2 years old na. 😊 I think walang masama dun as long as wala ka nmn inaagrabyado. Wanting a baby isn't a sin after all. Pero who knows the right guy will love you and be blessed to have a child with you. ❀️

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1 year ago

Ang dali talaga isulat ang plano pero not sure kung kaya ko rin Tong gawin. Pero after reading all the comments here, especially kay Eyb, baka stay put muna ako. Not gonna do anything stupid first unless sure na sure na ako. Kawawa din kasi yung bata pag walang papa.

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1 year ago

considering the reason, i support your decision but a decent man first not the one with future problem as you mentioned. Good luck in finding the right one

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1 year ago

Yes. I'll go for someone who is worthy of my crime. Hehe

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1 year ago

wish you find the right that will stay by your side and support you.

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1 year ago

Wishing and praying for you to have it, Ate. But, unlike you, mas gusto ko na may lalaki sa tabi mo. A man that will accept who you are, with a disability or none. I know that bcz my Mama had proved that. Papa also has a disability, but Mama still love and accepted him, wholeheartedly. Maybe you say that you can't find that man, but you can. Kusa 'syang dadating for you :) Same as your baby, your own baby.

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1 year ago

Ewan ko. Parang mas madali pa atang magka half million kesa makahanap ng matino. Hahaha. Pero si God na bahala. Plano lang to pero sabi ko nga mahiyain ako kaya baka waley pa rin to. Bahala na. Hehe

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1 year ago

Meron yan, Ate. Nukaba. Hintay hintay lang :) Makakarga mo din baby mo in your own arms, soon.

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1 year ago

My dear this is not being desperate. It is called making one's stand and working towards actualizing it. Its your decision and no one can alr you. Goodluck in your search for the right man. I hope you'll get one soon.

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1 year ago

Thank you, your highness. I hope I can find the right answer first on whether or not to pursue this. I do want a baby but if this will do more harm than good, then I don't know. I guess I'll just pray and ask for His answers. Anyway, thank you for the support.

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1 year ago

Your desire for baby is legit and it is your right po. I am about 23. Yeah! It was good you fixed terms and conditions. It was sad you are also broken hearted like me. I always desire to visit Philippines and surely I would do that. I shall pray for both your good husband 1st and your baby next. Sooner you will get good result.

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1 year ago

Thank you, Zeshan. I don't know. Not sure if this plan is a good idea considering that this could do more harm than good for my future baby. I'll just think about it first and pray that God will help me get the right decision.

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1 year ago

Good luck in achieving you dream...dont be discouraged, I see a great significance to what you intend doing. And who said you wont find someone who loves you for you are and understand you...I have seen it with my own eyes happen. Also just commit it to God.

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1 year ago

Thank you for the advice. I guess for now, I'll just behave myself and avoid anything stupid. One wrong move and there's no going back.

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1 year ago

I feel ko din po iyan pinag dadaanan mo friend. Gusto ko na rin pong mag ka baby pero may mga priorities pa na dapat mauna. Mag 30 na rin ako next year, si dapat talaga magkaroon na bago pa magsara ang bahay bata natin friend. Pero di rin naman natin alam kung ano ang mangyayari dahil si papa God lang ang nakakaalam sa kung ano ang mangyayari.

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1 year ago

Behave na lang muna ako. Bahala muna si God sakin. Me 1 year pa ako so behave na lang muna ako. Hehe.

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1 year ago

Tama yan friend kasi may better plan si papa God para sa ating lahat

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1 year ago

Yes, sis. Kaya baka mag change of heart na lang ako. Or mind. Lol

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1 year ago

Gusto ko yan. Kaso ayoko pla ng broken family πŸ˜… at yung iisipin ng anak paglaki na walang tatay 😒 Kya better single nlng forever.. Total dami ko kapatid 🀣

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1 year ago

Grabe naman yan. Pero sa gandang mong yan tas talino and skills, impossible yan. Yun lang din iniisip ko, yung mafeel ng bata pag laki. Hayst. Baka mag pa old maiden na lang siguro ako. Hirap mag decide.

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1 year ago

Saan ang ganda? 🀣 wala naman nagkakagusto ko. 🀣 Kya mag maiden nlng dn ako. Lol

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1 year ago

Grabe namang yang wala. Ikaw pa!

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1 year ago

Totoo yang sinasabi mo sis na pag nag 30s kana mahihiraoan kana talaga sa pagbubuntis mo pero pag nasa tamang paghandle ang pregnancy is hindi naman risky. Pero kadalasan pag ganyang edad na nabuntis padalas cs bihira na ang normal. Hindi naman sa desperate ka kundi isa talaga yan sa mga gusto natin na magka anak

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1 year ago

Yun nga ang sabi sakin e. Hay naku. Bahala na si Batman. Hehe. Nadama tuloy si Batman sa kalokohan ko. Hahaha.

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1 year ago

Ang importante sis magkaroon ka ng anak. Sabihin na nating mahirap makahanap ng lalaki ngayon na magmamahal talaga satin pero malay mo biyayaan ka ni God ng lalaking bibiyag sa puso mo. Mag afam kana sis marami online eh hahahaa pero ako di ko type mag afam ewan kung bakit hehehe. Kahit gano pa kagwapo ang afam nayan di talaga ako nagtatacal sa convo namin kasi nasa utak ko s*x lang habol or fling2x lang.

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1 year ago

Na try ko na Afam sa chat. Mabait naman sila at hindi maharot. Yun lang, nang iiwan ng walang paalam. Kaya wag na. Ehehe.

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1 year ago

Ayyy ang sakit naman nyan.... Hahahhaa malay mo sis may umibig dyan sayo mga beki nga nakaharot ng afam ikaw pa kaya na babae. Isipin mo si madam kilay di naman maganda pero nakabingwit na ng tatlong afam hehehe kung alam mo story niya

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1 year ago

Dalawa lang alam ko. Hahaha. Sana all madam kilay ang level. Hahaha

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1 year ago

Naisip ko din yan dati yung gusto ko Lang anak at ayoko na mag asawa dahil puro heartbreaks Lang nararanasan ko but I end up having a happy family now. Ipagpray mo Lang MJ. I know God has some plans in you. Wag mo isipin na wala nagmamahal sayo unconditionality.

$ 0.00
User's avatar Yen
1 year ago

Thank you. Me isang taon pa naman ako para mag change ng mind. Hehe. Pero parang totohanan na to ata. Puro kasi ako palpak sa lovelife kaya Yoko na isipin yun. Pero God knows better do kung di niya iallow tong plano ko so stop na lang. Hehe. Thanks, sis.

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1 year ago

Speechless. I usually thought that this ideas only happen in dramas. But here you are, so bold and brave to exposed what you really want. I salute you for that. Well, I respect you and your decisions. Wish you the best in life πŸ€—

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1 year ago

Thank you. I've been planning for this since I was in my 20s, and I'm almost in my due date so time to really make it into a reality. Hehe.

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1 year ago

Yes, do the things that will make you feel happy. Don't mind other people.

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1 year ago

You need to get a man first lol

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1 year ago

Hahahahaha. I know. The hardest part of all..

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1 year ago

So, you want to conceive naturally but only want a man for a sperm donor. If you want to eliminate emotions from the equation that may be a little difficult. Your best bet would probably be IVF with an anonymous donor. And from a fertility specialist I spoke to before, a woman's egg ages faster after 35 so if you want to preserve the quality of yours, harvest it at a much younger age. The older the egg, the more difficult it is to fertilize and conceive.

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1 year ago

I'm 33 so I guess I should be in hurry then. Lol. Anyway, i want to do the natural way. I want to meet the guy face to face and know him a little more so I know what kind of donor he is. Plus, i think the IVF will cost me a lot.

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1 year ago

Best of luck to you... may you be blessed with child.

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1 year ago

Thank you so much. πŸ€—

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1 year ago

Oh it can be harvest? How?

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1 year ago

Yes, a woman's eggs can be harvested and preserved then used for in vitro fertilization. There is a laboratory here in PH, but from my understanding they only cater to married couples with infertility issues. There are facilities overseas that offer this service.

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1 year ago

Haha interesting.

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1 year ago

I support! Haha 😊

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1 year ago

Aww. Salamat. At salamat sa malaki mong upvote. πŸ€—β€οΈ

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1 year ago

Hehe I too want just the baby πŸ˜†πŸ˜†

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1 year ago

I'm sure it won't be hard for you to find the man of your dreams and have a baby. Pero bata ka pa so mag enjoy ka muna.

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1 year ago

I hate men. Haha πŸ˜† but yeah dreams firstttt. 😊

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1 year ago

Don't hate men but just be wiser in making decisions in the future that involve men.

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1 year ago