Inevitable..

Imagine living all by myself. My brothers living in Manila. My oldest brother's in jail. My mother died. My father's in California. I didn't knEw what I was doing that time. My life was so messy. A lot haD already happened to me. Indeed, life was tough but so did I. Coping up from depression is not that easy but I overcome it.

When my mother died, I was so clueless on how things will work. Losing my mother is like losing my eyes, I couldn't see anything else other than darkness around me. It's hard groping in the dark without anyone beside to guide me. My brother was in jail when my mother was still sick. My two younger brothers was in Manila with my grandmother. While my father is in California working hard to support us for our financial needs.

That moment I could only run to my friends. Getting drunk was my only escape from this cruel world. What was always on my mind was "If I am drunk, I wouldn't feel anything. I wouldn't think about my f*ckd up life." I would drink a lot, going home wasted, so messed up. There also comes a time where I want to be in a relationship with someone just to cope up with the loneliness I felt that time. Now that that I've mention it, I thought that maybe what I felt for them was bereavement for someone. Someone who can fill the hole in my heart. But above all, I am still grateful for having my friends by my side. They may not exactly fill the hole from it but somehow they made me feel that I am not alone on that battle.

In the middle of finding myself, I saw a light. A light who thought me the real purpose of my life. I am not forlon by Him. He gave me reason to change my chosen life.

I could remember it clearly, I was with some of my friends (Whom I allowed to settle in our house for the mean time) that afternoon, we just ate our lunch under the mango tree, we were laughing until I stop because someone caught my attention. It was a guy from the vacant lot. This was the guy who is working on the house infront of us. I remember him because my friend told me once that he is her cousin. That time, he was laying on a hammock. Earphones in his ears, watching something on his phone that's making him laugh. I frowned. What's with his phone that making him smile like that. The next day, I saw him again there laying on a hammock, smiling like crazy. But that was a different day because I already want him to notice me. So what I did was unexpected. I ask his cousin, who was my friend, and asked his name. She told me his name and that triggered her. She asked why I'm asking about his name. That where it started. I was so shocked when I saw my friend talking to his "so called cousin". I'm doomed! The only thing that came into my mind was "She told him about it already!" I hurriedly went inside our house and hid myself there feeling so embarassed.

The next day, after going to the market, I came to walk pass the vacant lot where they are there. I walked quickly but the teasing didn't passed. When I was at home already, my friend told me that the guy wants to know my name so she told him. Feeling more embarassed, I just shut my eyes tightly. And that how it all started..

We've got to know each other. We've been into many fights but here we are. Still together and making the best of our lives with our own little one that we named Ban Ryu.

What God made me realize is that He always has His own way and plans. He's not going to let you walk barefoot. And when He plan it, trust me it's inevitable.