We always want to see ourselves as flawless and perfect

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Avatar for alistairnov
1 year ago

An enormous, majestic, immaculate ship is sailing on the sea. Near sunset, the sky has turned orange, the ship's lights are on and it is floating with the waves of the sea. A little closer to the ship and you can see the scratches, damage and imperfections. A closer look reveals that the ship is not so magnificent; it has many flaws. Negativity begins to cover the beauty.

Individuals who need approval always want to show themselves to others as flawless and perfect, just like in this ship example. They don't want to get too close to the people around them because they are afraid of being criticized. Even a single mistake can prevent them from getting approval. Praise is very important for these individuals, but it is very difficult for them to accept their inadequacies.

Receiving praise from others is actually a good thing, but trying to hear words of praise all the time can tire them out at some point. With this in mind, over time, people start to do things for others rather than for themselves. They dress for others, cook for others and achieve success for others.

So why do these individuals need approval and praise so much? This is basically related to the lack of self-esteem in the individual. In other words, self-esteem and confidence are proportional to what others say to them. Moreover, parental attitudes of excessive tolerance, compassion and protection during childhood can also lead to a need for approval in later life. This is because the individual associates the behaviors he/she sees in his/her family with the outside world.

On the other hand, individuals with a need for approval create a coding in their minds with their past experiences and form the thought "I am good if others like me, I am bad if others do not like me". With this thought, even the smallest process of hosting a guest is very challenging for the person because if he/she does not hear a positive sentence, let alone a negative criticism from the guests, he/she may think that he/she cooks very bad food, that the guests do not like the house, that he/she is not successful in this business.

The need for approval brings with it the inability to say no to others. Since the individual who cannot say no cannot draw the boundaries between himself/herself and others in a healthy way, he/she may experience too much interference from outside. As in the ship example above, the person who tries not to let others too close to him/her in order to get approval on the one hand, cannot fulfill this request because he/she cannot say no at the same time, and a vicious circle is formed.

In the light of all this, people who need approval usually respect and like to be approved of are people with high self-confidence, who know themselves and are honest with themselves. In other words, they try to fill the areas they feel they lack with others.

In fact, one should first appreciate, love, show compassion and trust oneself. In order to do this, we must know that balance, not perfection, exists within us. Remember that if you strive to strengthen your self-esteem, it will become easier and easier to fight your need for appreciation. It doesn't matter how you do it. However, one of your priorities from now on should be to love yourself.

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Avatar for alistairnov
1 year ago

Comments

Love yourself the way God sees you, appreciate yourself the way the Highest values you, only then you will know how to share it to others. Still know your balance, find it and create life with it.

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1 year ago

Consider updating the default bio!

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1 year ago

I did

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1 year ago

And, if you like, you may consider following my blog here and elsewhere. https://noise.app/UnityOne

Check my Twitter and LinkedIn profiles (given beside the profile at the top).

Try to make your profile bio shorter.

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1 year ago