My reasons why I am not close to my parents

Blog:204-10th
Date :November 12,2022
Time :06:18pm

I grow up seeing them fighting and shouting at each other. We always heard them talking shit to each other.I guess di lang talaga magkasundo ang parents ko.It was not easy for us to grow in that kind of environment.

My father seems to yell most of the time.Ika nga parang high-blood palagi.We even made a joke when he always yelled while talking, we said hong-hong pa Gani na niya(He is just whispering). I lived with my parents until I finish my elementary years. I have to be away from them since I had to be a working student until I finish my high school. Living away from them is quite peaceful.No more shouting and fighting yet growing away from my parents was the reason why I am not close to them. Imagine in my teenage life no one was guiding me. When I had my first period no one educates me on what to do.Before I had my period I was even wondering if paano ba isusuot yung napkin di ba yun nahuhulog? I just find out how to use it when the time I had my period. I was alone at that time in my aunt's house(where I work as a working student). I have to figure out by myself how to put it up on my undies. Kaloka diba? I was 13 or 14 years old at that time.

Since I am just a working student I can't ask for anything I want from my aunt. I can only ask if it is school related. I didn't grow up having nice fancy clothes, or nice shoes. I even remember I was in my first year in high school when my cheap school shoes got broken and one of my classmates make fun of it.

I only got the chance to see my parents during the town fiesta at my aunt's place. I don't celebrate Christmas with them. After I graduated from high school I only stayed for a while at my parent's place before I decided to find a job in Cagayan de Oro city. I was only 16 at that time. I was left with no choice since my parents can't send me to college.

Now fast-forward, to when I got pregnant with my eldest my mom was mad at me, I was only 17 years old at that time. I ruin my life by getting pregnant at an early age plus the father of my baby wanted to abort our baby. He is not ready for the responsibility. Of course, I didn't agree with what he wanted. Anyway, I've written an article about why end up being a single mom. Just click it here.

So when the time I stayed back at my parents' place I was already pregnant. I heard a lot of hurtful words from my mom. It is like she is blaming me for what happened. Of course, I admit it was my fault for getting pregnant at an early age but bringing it back over and over again is not good. I even tell my mom to just kill me because I can't take the pain anymore because she keeps on bringing up the issue over and over again. I understand that I failed her but it already happen.

There was a time also that even if I am not living with my parents anymore, she still monitor me like I am a teenager. I know she is just afraid I might get impregnated again. Well, I am not that stupid enough to do the same mistake coz I know how hard to take care of and raise my child alone. Of course, I do understand that being a parent will never stop even if we get older but the sense of trust, but I never get that from my mom.

My mom was never my best friend, I can't tell her anything. All else she will judge me. Imagine she should be the one who knows me better but I already accept that I am always the bad daughter for her. She is the kind of mom that will push you down, I never heard any uplifting words from her. All I hear from her is it's all because of me. I am this, I am that. I am always the bad one.

In the eyes of my father, I am a slut. A dirty person. Now I understand that no matter how many good things you did for someone they will only remember your mistake. I remember when the time my dad called me dirty. I really feel so hurt hearing it from my own father. I was the one who provide the needs at home. I feed them but all he can say is I am dirty. So I told him yes I am dirty but remember this dirty person is the one who feeds you when you don't have anything.

For now that I have my own family and living away from them, I kinda find a little peace of mind not being with them. Honeslty I have a toxic family. How I wish I could describe my parents in a nice way, how I wish I could say they are a good example as a couple and even as parents but I can't.All I hear from my dad is cursing. All I hear from my mom is complaining. My mom and dad live with my eldest and youngest brothers who are both pabuhat or pabigat.They are not living as a family they are like board mates. Glad I am living away from them now, less stressed about them.

Ending thoughts

I am not close to both of my parents but I do love them, it is just staying with them is stressful, I don't want to be in a toxic family anymore. I have my own family to deal with now and even if my husband didn't agree with a lot of things but we tried to adjust to each other and choose not to fight anymore.

As a parent of two, I will my best to be close and sweet to both of them coz I want them to feel that I can be their best friend too. I don't want them to be afraid of me. I just want them to respect me as their mom.

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