@aaskelter

@aaskelter 5 June 2021

Omg I haven’t been on Read Cash for quite some time (because life gets in the way). Anything that I’ve missed or should learn? I checked noise cash too and wow, there are a lot improvement and features now. So cool!

@aaskelter 27 April 2021

I cannot sleep. Maybe because of too much caffeine in the system. I’ve had coffee in the morning and boba milk tea in the afternoon. It gives me an idea of what to post next.... but maybe some other day. Let me try to fall asleep first as it is quite late now.

@aaskelter 25 April 2021

The Big 30: Birthday Realisations Turning 30 feels momentous but to be honest, the day passed by like any other previous birthdays. Maybe our expectations of getting to be full grown adults are really high when we are young, only to be met with bouts of reality in which you’d realize that living is a process of never-ending learnings and creation and life is not going to drastically change when you reach a certain age. Either way, our lives deserved to be celebrated. The fact that even though we struggle everyday and we are still alive is already a reason to be happy and grateful. EXPECTATIONS vs REALITY When I was a teen, I thought I probably would be married and that I’d already have kids by now. The hopeful romantic in me really is *hopeful* in all sense. Fast forward to my 30th year in existence and I am still single as a pringle. It doesn’t feel like I am missing something by not having started a family of my own at this point, though. My status should not define who I really am as a person. Besides, I can say that I am happy and that’s what’s important. *Depending on your own perspective, you can set certain goals and priorities while being hopeful that all will come into fruition in its proper time, be it with regards to your love life or life in general.* Oh, I have three *kids* now. Well, fur-babies. And they are what’s keeping me busy recently. The Idea of Success As a youngster, my idea of success is vague. Younger me just want to be successful, is all. Of what? Even the older me can’t answer that, I’m afraid. And there is no rush to figure out what you want to be or what you would like to achieve. In fact, a lot of successful individuals have only realized their life’s missions and pursued their passion later in their lives. Our different *time zones* should not make us feel bad when people are accomplishing theirs and if it feels like other people’s lives are flourishing while yours in still *under construction*. I’ve felt like I have reached rock bottom plenty of times but those times taught be to fight and strive harder to be closer to my dreams. And we get to keep on keeping on, that’s for sure. `Those who don’t have a dream, it’s okay, it’s okay if you don’t have a dream. You just have to be happy. - Min Yoongi` One thing that comes with the age is we are now more mindful of our finances and we are thinking of long-term effects of our daily decisions (this is what I wish I’ve learned early on.) and we continue to learn everyday (I feel like reiterating every single time because it is the truth). We have to learn to not be too critical of ourselves. We got to accept that even if plans won’t initially work, worrying about something that is not even a problem yet will not be beneficial to our mental state especially at this point. We also realize that we are not getting any younger and we have to take care of our bodies. Body pain maybe constant but our health is the most important. The 20’s..... I’ll forever be grateful of how my life has been. I was able to explore to my heart’s content, go to places I’ve only ever dreamed of as a kid and met amazing people along the way. Just when you thought you are having the worst days, provisions from above will come to you in ways you would never have expected. And so, with that... yes. Your girl is three decades old. I wish I could come up with wiser, longer words but there’s still so much to learn and explore. The pandemic may have deprived me two years of my late twenties that I could have spent doing other things that I love the most like traveling, watching live gigs and all but still, I’ve realised recently that it has given me a luxury not all are privileged to have: **days spent with my loved ones (all healthy, thank You Lord!)** and three cats (while baking, crocheting, playing instruments and the list goes on.) Everyday is still a struggle and things will not always go according to our plans but what about it? We’ll live on and there’s still a better future that we can look forward to. Remember to be kind and practice Proverbs 16:24 if you can. `Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.` Blessed beyond belief. April x

@aaskelter 16 April 2021

Hello! Is there a way to know why a comment is being tagged as low score or spam? I just show appreciation (long comments even) and even interact to articles that I like and I don’t know why it keeps on happening. Anyone who knows the reason and how to maybe get rid of that tag? Thank you in advance.

@aaskelter 16 April 2021

A month-worth of BCH and a couple of milestones I wish I had taken proper screenshots and documented my whole BCH journey right from the start but (1) I didn’t think documenting it will be of use and (2) I wasn’t aware of the great impact that it can add on to my life that I’d even think of sharing or writing about how it has helped me big time. But let me try to share my positive experiences and hopefully it could inspire people to venture into this platform and write more. What even is Noise Cash? Is that an app? A good friend of mine has entrusted me the information that I’ll be needing one fine day and the next thing I know, I have a Noise Cash account. My clueless self even asked her if it is an app. I really have no idea what it is prior to our conversation last February. *A trip back memory lane: I have had my Coins.ph account as early as 2015 so I do have a vague idea about BTC and BCH. We have no idea of how huge it will be in the coming years so we didn’t really take it seriously. We were younger then too so... it isn’t our focus then. Maybe we invested a little, rolled out money, was able to earn enough for mobile loads (because at that point that is our only necessity, or in other words, that is the only direct use that we can think of at that moment) and then grew out of it and for some time, even forgot that it has even existed.* She told me that this site is like Facebook that you can share statuses and photos but the difference is that **you can earn.** And being the explorer that I am, I thought, why not try to sign up, right? I don’t even have to touch my bank account to start an account and legitimately you’ll earn bit by bit. By this time I was also reminded of the earnings that one of my friends got by just playing a BTC- related game back in 2015. She didn’t use her Coins.ph account for quite some time and just let the bitcoin grow. Surprisingly she get to withdraw nearly 300 USD from her account recently and... the growth is just so amazing! ***Imagine if we actively used our accounts then?*** Zooming in to present time, I thought, sure, let’s try this one. I am not going to lose anything for trying and if it gets better, I can even earn something from it, right? If not money then friends at least. And it can help ease those down time that this pandemic situation is giving us. Exploring Noise Cash Initially, we can only post a couple of texts and luckily through the help of my friend, the account was able to grow. Sooner, I can also post photos of my cats and my baked goods. Through Noise Cash I was able to reminisce about my travels and post about the sceneries and places that I miss. Occasionally I also get to post about my BCH journey progress and how it has helped me. Through Noise Cash I get to talk with a couple of constants. It has reminded me of when I first created a Twitter account back in 2009 where everything feels light and fresh and you get to interact more. You along with your friends get to explore and learn together. I also loved reading about how their day went, their daily devotions, art and other stuff. *That’s the thing about any social media platform, it can be too toxic or cathartic depending on how you curate your feed.* As for me, I only follow those content which piques my interest and posts that I think I’d be able to enjoy. (*Now you know the “secret” to a non-toxic SNS experience!*) So I went through it as usual until I get to know about Read Cash, and man, how I loved it right that instant! The Joy of Writing and Read Cash I have been blogging for the longest time (if you could call it like that). First on Multiply and then my home, Blogger which is still up even on present time though I don’t get to post a lot as *life has happened*. I like to write about the most random stuff from a song that I liked the most, to movies and dishes to the concerts that I have attended up to my recent travels... anything! Well except anything fictional, I am more on the journaling side. It is so therapeutic to write you don’t even have to pay me, I just do write what my heart tells me to do so. I didn’t invest on a personal website domain because I am not really very actively writing (it is not my main source of income although I did get paid for writing on the side, and writing has given me awesome perks before) and I only write whenever I feel like it, unless of course I have a deadline (for an article or whatsoever). So imagine my glee when I discovered Read Cash? This is where I can publish personal writings and where I could be myself and earn from it (such a bonus!) I am forever grateful. Speaking of earnings, to be honest since I am not really as active as one would ought to be (also because I have a day job and a whole lot of other hobbies, plus the fact that I tend to three cats at home) there isn’t much yet but I still get overwhelmed whenever I see it grow. Through Bitcoin Cash, I was able to withdraw enough money to buy myself a new Apple adapter cord and months worth of cat food for my fur-babies. I wasn’t expecting a lot but I am provided with so much more... and it’s just the start, I think. It still continues to grow. I think getting to write is already a win on its own for me, but getting to earn some bucks by doing what you love and enjoy... that is beyond awesome! Being able to tip people and help them grow just as much or even more makes my heart so full. Cheers to the ever growing BCH-driven platform! May we be able to grow and explore more on this platform together. A

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@aaskelter 29 March 2021

I’m Not Looking To Be Found... Over the weekend, one of my most favourite bands ever has released a song and held a free online concert via Youtube. It is very nostalgic and bittersweet to say the least. Pre-pandemic, I am an avid concert goer and I do enjoy seeing my favourite musicians sing their heart out to the spectators in a dome or an open ground. From lining up at the venue, to entering and finding your respective seat, to meeting up with good old friends, to the cold AC and to consuming overpriced arena snacks (hotdogs and bottled water are the staple food then).... up to the moment when the lights would go out and the concert would begin. These days when face-to-face events aren’t an option for obvious reasons, everything felt different and yet the same. The excitement is still there. It still feel like coming home. But that’s the thing, right? We have to learn to adapt and so these productions have to level up, too. These circumstances also gives them all the liberty to explore the technical side of the events and of how they will be able to deliver world-class set of performances for the supporters to see, albeit only through a screen. Livestreams are one of the most common form of media that these musicians use to connect with their fans. Costing a few bucks, sometimes even free, but they needed the fund to sustain and provide a well-equipped production. Going back, it’s one of the recent shows that I did get to enjoy the most. It felt like it is what I needed at that moment when I am feeling so down and anxiety is hitting me big time (must be birthday blues since my birthday is just around the corner) and it has healed a part of me. — **(Un)lost** has always been the song of my life that I think, if I ever get to have the courage to actually get tattooed, I will have the word (un)lost written on my left wrist. It reminds me of my hurtful past that I have now gotten over through the help of every special people around me. Of how better I have become since then. It has made me realise how even though we experience a lot of setbacks in our lives, we should not allow those failures to define who we are and that we should not lose our real self in the process. It spoke to me how I don’t need to be found by anyone, I just need to relieve myself of feeling clueless and confused and for worrying about the things that I have no control of. `”The world is ours but for a flash, and you are not allowed to be anybody else.”` Everyone of us have different ways of dealing with how we feel. One may think that one is having it easy as they struggle, but then one may also think that something is worse but that is alright. Always remember, **our feelings are valid.** How you deal with things is your business so don’t be phased by how others are dealing with their own kind of struggle. **You do you.** In time, everything will fall into its proper places. `”Control what you can, confront what you can’t. And always remember how lucky you are to have yourself.”` It felt like I needed to be reminded of this line because I keep on worrying about things that I cannot control. It felt like a self-made struggle that I cannot let go easily despite knowing what is causing my anxiety. I probably am not making sense in this, too, but I felt helpless at some point. And it is refreshing to feel revived by the tunes and words. Embracing what I lack gives me hope for when the better days would come and it makes me appreciate the things that I already have. It also helps that I can write my worries away. Well, figuratively. You got to believe that you are stronger than you know and that you can overcome whatever darkness that is looming in your mind. I do believe that God uses people in our lives to remind us of that. That we all are worthy and we can overcome. And believe me, believing that you can... work. Praying for you, A — `Unaware of where I'm going` `Or if I'm going anywhere at all` `But I know I'll take the leap` `If it is worth the fall` `So long as the blood keeps flowing` `I'll set a sail and swim across` `I'm not looking to be found` `Just want to feel (un) lost.`

@aaskelter 22 March 2021

Change The past few days have been pretty tough emotionally and I think, after a whole year, the pandemic-induced anxiety has gotten into me. The mental health is not at its best and the anxiety is at an all-time high. It could also be because it is my birthmonth soon and I’m turning thirty and the lockdown has deprived me of a good send off of my 20’s and it just makes you want to reflect about the year that it has been, what has been accomplished and the what-not. Despite knowing that one should not compare your own growth to others and that we all have our own *timezones*, sometimes the mind has a *mind* of its own. I get irritated easily knowing how I could have done better at this and that, and point is, I have never felt so lost in my life. I feel like I am only existing. Life went on to some and I am here, just here, not knowing what is to come. Or so I thought. Looking back, life’s not that bad. I’ve managed to somehow tick off my long term plans’ list one by one. Age is just a number — a universal truth. You can start and pursue your dreams whenever you feel like it and you have to realize that it is alright to not do it the same time that other people are achieving theirs. I always try to remind myself of this. *It will take a while for a tree to grow but what’s important is that the seed is already planted.* Financially, I am not earning much but I am earning enough and there’s a sense of stability, somehow. I still splurge on things and I am still as impulsive as ever, but in general I feel secured (with variable universal life (VUL) insurance policies and all) and I do get to save up. Recently a dear friend got me hooked on crypto and it’s been a nice experience, earning little by little by doing things like writing and posting stuff (I have always wanted to pursue writing on the side and get paid but I rarely get clients on my online part-time sideline job). I have a Coins account as early as 2015(?) but did not really know how to deal with such so I didn’t take it too seriously . And now, what a growth. A friend was able to cash out a huge amount ($260 USD) from her old account and that’s pretty amazing, really. On another happy note, the lockdown has made me learn and explore new hobbies and I genuinely enjoy doing these activities: 1) Baking I still have a lot to learn but I thoroughly enjoy baking. It is such a stress-reliever. So I bought an air fryer oven and I’ve been using it to bake more than the actually air frying. I think it’s such a good purchase because we were able to utilize it well. So far I’ve tried baking burnt basque cheesecake, strawberry shortcake, sugar cookies, muffins, white Croatian bread and more recently, bread with yeast. It is such a good distraction from all the worries in my head, to be totally honest, 2) Crocheting Learn the basics. YouTube tutorials. Bingo. Me? My impatient arse really chose to try crocheting? Yes, I did. And surprisingly, I enjoyed it too. I have only done a square coaster and currently I am learning to do a round one. Stay tuned! 3) Playing musical instruments (Piano, ukulele and kalimba) Music is something that is close to my heart. I still don’t know how to read musical sheets but all I know is that I have sensitive hearing and I can easily determine whether someone’s singing out of tune or not. I’ve learned a few piano pop tunes and still in the process of learning the kalimba. The ukelele is a gift from one of my friends and I’ve been practicing it, too. The key is to practice. *** Work gets too busy and yet there’s this worrisome thought of not being able to live up to the expectations and that “I can never to anything correctly” kind of mentality. It’s hard when this strikes and I feel like breaking down. But then whenever I feel like I am at my lowest, He lifts me up and gets me through everything. I just need to believe more in the wisdom and the abilities that He’s given me. (Reminding myself of this every single day.) There are still so many things to learn and one should not be too hard on themselves, I learned that in the hardest way. Sometimes I let the Aries in me take charge of the situation and then I feel bad when I it gets too much (when I’m being grumpy and snappy). I am still a work in progress and there’s just a lot that I need to process still. I pray and pray for more patience every day. I pray to change my wicked ways. I pray to change for the better and to learn more to embrace the now. *I realized (after everything that has happened/is still happening) that life... is a breeze.* *Routine-y...* ..*but still enjoyable when you know where to look.*

@aaskelter 22 March 2021

Book Turned Into Movie and Completely Desecrated Maybe ***completely desecrated*** is not the proper term to coin it but I did appreciate the book better than the actual movies in the **Percy Jackson and the Olympian** series. I mean, it has a lot of potential to be as huge as the Harry Potter franchise story-wise. Uncle Rick's writing is something that is so engrossing, inclusive, innovative and fun. I cannot help but admire his wit and the way he presents old Greek and Roman mythology and tradition in a fun and modern way. It is presented in an enjoyable and comical  way that even though there is violence (you know how mythology is) and the way demigods are conceived may confuse the hell of the younger readers, the flow of the story is easy to grasp. Moral and relevant lessons include acceptance of one's disability, exposure and acceptance to/for the LGBTQ community, love, trust, friendship, family and faith. The Trials of Apollo spin-off is also a hell of a fun ride (I am currently reading the last book of the installment and I am loving every bit of it.) But what exactly went wrong? Timing, perhaps? The world is not ready for another fantasy-driven series (and because Harry Potter is so huge that the general public tend to compare the two.). **They are not ready for another teen hero.** Most of my bookworm friends loved both HP and PJO series, though and that is all I need to know. I love Logan Lerman and the other artists and to be honest I think they were perfect for their roles (Alexandra Daddario did kick arse!). Whether it is the promotion, the production team itself, or maybe the way they have presented the plot that it felt lacking to some? I don't really know. I enjoyed it back then (I remember rocking hard to Fall Out Boy's My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark when it has played during the film, I wasn't aware that it was a part of the official soundtrack) and if they are to reboot it, I am down for it, too. I look forward for the series to redeem itself.  Maybe the world is ready now. The **live-action series** was confirmed by author Rick Riordan back in the spring of 2020. https://www.cinemablend.com/television/2556554/percy-jacksons-author-reveals-details-about-new-series-as-disney-project-gets-to-work According to Rick Riordan, a draft for the pilot episode of the Percy Jackson series has been completed and the reception has been positive. The episode will however go through some “tweaks” before it’s to be sent off for a go signal. Last January 24, he posted an update on his blog and it goes: *“We have a couple of important meetings this coming week with the top brass at the studio for the Percy Jackson TV show, so keep your fingers crossed. Everyone who has read the pilot script loves it, but there will be a few additional tweaks we need to make before we send it off to its next stop: the top execs at Disney+. That’s normal.* *In script writing, as in every other kind of writing, you can expect to do many, many drafts! All the input has been super positive and helpful, though. Everyone is committed to making this the best show we possibly can. I remain excited and guardedly optimistic that we are on the verge of getting a really first-rate project off the ground. As always, though, good things require time and patience! Stay tuned!”* From the February 20th update: *“For PJO TV, we’re just waiting to hear back from the top execs. The script has made it to the uppermost tier of decision-makers, which is great, but now we need to wait to hear what decision they make. When I do know anything else, I will of course post it here. Hopefully Caesar’s thumb will point in the right direction.”* And, the March update: *“The latest: We do not yet have an official “green light,” but things are moving along nicely in my estimation.* *The pilot script has now made it through the very highest levels of Disney execs and everybody likes it. We have met with the studio heads and streaming service execs, and we feel a lot of love and support from Disney, which I really appreciate!* *Our core production team (me, Becky, our show-runners and our fellow producers) have spent the last year learning to work together efficiently and effectively (through Zoom, of course). I’m delighted to say that our thinking is aligned in terms of what we want this show to be, and I remain confident we will make something great for you all to watch.* *Again . . . it just takes time. A lot of time. Imagine how complicated you think making a TV show would be. Multiply that times one hundred. It is even more complicated than that. And our process, from what I’ve been told, has been relatively easy! It’s fascinating though, and I’m learning a ton.* *Right now, we are starting to plan next steps so we can give our partners at the studio and streaming service a good comprehensive picture of what this show will require. What’s the first season look like? (Hint: It will follow the plot of The Lightning Thief). What will the budget look like? (Hint: Good TV ain’t cheap. Quality-wise, this has to stand toe-to-toe with Disney+ hits like Wandavision and Mandalorian.) Who do we have in mind for directors? (Hint: I can’t give you any hints, but we are having conversations about this.) Casting? (No, we are still not there yet, but we have begun to talk about how the process will work when we do get there.)*  *At a guess, I would say we have a couple more months of these conversations and planning meetings before we get our finalized game plan and (hopefully) get approval to move forward. I am optimistic it will happen. There is a lot of excitement and momentum, and it really helps that Disney understands just how wonderful and massive a fanbase Percy Jackson has, so thank you all for that! I will, as always, keep you posted, but if you see other information or “inside scoops” floating around social media, remember it is just clickbait. What I’ve told you above is as much as anyone knows, including me.* Oh gosh. It’s still a long way to go. But one thing’s for sure, it will definitely be worth the wait!

@aaskelter 21 March 2021

Numb David has been performing this song since he came back from his Chilean mission on some of his tours in the US and even then, hearing it for the first time has already made its impact. The lyrics even made more sense when he's talked about it on his long banters. It's like he's baring it all. It has made me more excited for his new project if that is even possible.  While I am sort of hoping he'd release a song that we have not heard yet, I can't say I am disappointed with Numb. The new project is promising. I am overwhelmed as he is still this talented man that I know back in his American Idol days. He'll be giving these overrated pop stars these days (who has been blessed with the right biz connection and opportunities) a good run for their money. I feel like I may be possibly sugarcoating him too much but that's just how he is. I feel for the millennials who has not known his music because they are missing a lot. He is really ***dang*** good.  He's talked with **Billboard** regarding the song and it's made even clearer how sincere and how connected he is with his music. The passion springs from within and it reflects on his music. http://www.billboard.com/articles/news/7565541/american-idol-david-archuleta-numb-lyric-video *"I've learned that's its really important to just always be honest, and I told them. I said, 'You know, I just got back from Chile and it was an amazing experience. I loved being a missionary, and now I'm back here and I've been writing every month so far here in Nashville, and I don't think I want to do this. I don't think I even want to be here right now.' I just kind of kept talking to them about it, and they were just staring at me listening, and one of them said, '****Well, why don't we write about that****?'"* *"It occurred to me that maybe I can actually write about what I'm really going through instead of teenage love songs because that's what people want to hear. That's kind of how I've always been trained. It didn't occur to me that I could write about what I was actually feeling, and we just started writing and that's what came out of it."* The lyrics: `I think I’ll take a second chance` `I won’t be passing by these waters again` `Wanna feel redemption’s hand` `And see this life only for what it is` `I know the river’s not too wide` `Had to see it for myself with my own eyes` `Someone out there’s on my side` `It’s not my place to question why` `Everybody needs time away` `To wake up with the sun on their face` `I’m not there yet but I know` `That I don’t wanna feel numb` `Falling over all of my shadows` `Yeah I’m all done` `'Cause none of that ever really mattered` `It hurts to live so wide awake, oh` `But it’s a chance I can take` `I won’t run run run` `'Cause I don’t wanna feel numb` `So deep inside these hills I run` `To a place where I can see 'til kingdom come` `See the days one by one` `And love this life only for what it, what it is` `I hear the whispers in the stars` `The words that tell us more of who we are` `Someone out there’s not that far` `Everything I need is here now` `Everybody needs time away` `To wake up with the sun on their face` `I’m not there yet but I know` `That I don’t wanna feel numb` `Falling over all of my shadows` `Yeah I’m all done` `'Cause none of that ever really mattered` `It hurts to live so wide awake, oh` `But it’s a chance I can take` `I won’t run run run` `'Cause I don’t wanna feel numb` `A tidal wave brought to life` `Rushing over every doubt of mine` `Open soul in an open sky` `Everything, everything is right` `I don’t wanna feel numb` `Falling over all of my shadows` `Yeah I’m all done` `'Cause none of that ever really mattered` `It hurts to live so wide awake, oh` `But it’s a chance I can take` `I won’t run run run, yeah` `And no, I won’t run run run` `'Cause I don’t wanna feel numb` *** *"It was so relieving. That's all I needed to do. I just needed to know I could be real with people. I needed to know I could be honest and talk about how I was really feeling at that time in my life. I feel like, as a musician, people want to feel a story. You know, there are songs that people want to have a good time -- fun, summer songs. But I think a lot of other times, people do really want to connect with what's coming from someone's heart, from their soul, and what they're going through. I feel like this was a song that was that for me."* Hits me right in the feels. Somehow it's reminded me of Zayn, vaguely. David and Zayn are quite the opposite music-wise, even with their personalities. But the authenticity and the talent is there and that's what's making me admire both. ***And when you're pursuing the things that you feel is the most real to your being, it just shows on the output and all of the other outwardly aspects of life.*** The line ***"See the days one by one and love this life only for what it is"*** gets me deeply. It reminds me of doing things in a whim. We make hasty decisions that it feels like there is this ***rush*** to live that we forget how to ***actually*** live. Sometimes we get to be reminded of it in the hardest and most painful way. But sometimes there are the likes of David through his music who will remind us that ***Someone out there’s on our side*** and ***it’s not our place to question why*** because it will be alright in time. Sometimes the world will try to get you and it would feel like you're losing yourself to the pressure bit by bit. But then, with a proper mindset, good company and a time away to clear our thoughts and focus back to whatever it is that we believe in, we could redeem ourselves and eventually give out a piece of  the ***real*** us to the world.

@aaskelter 21 March 2021

Meeting THE Mitch Albom `The year is 2014.` My Saturday is supposed to be uneventful because my supposed *"meet up"* and movie date with friends both have been cancelled, and I was already on my way to the province as early as 8am to spend the weekend peacefully at home. Then I asked Rio if she has seen this movie and if she wanted to see it with me this weekend but she declined because she is attending **Mitch Albom**'s book signing. Of course, I knew about the signing as early as November the previous year, but I thought it was on a Friday and he's already in Cebu by Saturday because Jov told me so (misleading. But you are forgiven), so I stopped expecting thinking I cannot go on leave at work and won't be able to come anyway. Turned out she was mistaken and both signings were actually on a weekend.  OFF TO THE SIGNING, WE GO. It is probably one of the most impulsive things that I did in a while, but since the bus is yet to be filled with passengers I got off and head back to the venue for the book signing event.  We started queueing around 10am when the event is supposed to start at 2pm. We were able to get registered around 1pm and I am already the 1228th person in line. I'm still contemplating if he is going to sign all of them but I cannot stay negative for there are at least hundreds next in line and if they were all positive, *why should I not be, right*?  The event started around 2pm as scheduled with an interview with Mitch Albom where he has discussed a bit of the new book and the other previous books that he has written. His humble beginnings is particularly inspiring especially how he has reaccounted the days where publishers would reject his "**Tuesdays With Morrie**" and how it is now the best selling memoir that is out there. It is heartwarming how he has wanted to help the people of Tacloban by donating some of his books and urging his fellow authors/friends (**Stephen Chbosky, Sophie Kinsella, Ransom Riggs, Nicholas Sparks** and the likes) to help. It is cute how he has sang a bit of an **Elvis Presley** song as he told the ever attentive fans about their band composing of him and his fellow author friends. What has impressed me the most is his eagerness to reach out with all the expectators from 2pm until the mall closes at 10pm. He did not even have dinner as far as I know and has continued to sign and have photos taken with each of the fans in line. His only *"break"* is when he would reach out, take selfies with people in front of the stage and he was like *"I was told some of you has been here for as early as 4am."* Even continuously telling people *"Thank you for your patience."* When Mitch, we should all thank you for keeping up with everyone, every single one of us in there.  *"Giving is living."*  I'm giving this signed book to my aunt because it is her birthday soon and if not for her and how she's lend me her Albom books, I would not even get to know and get inspired by his works.  *"Everyone is someone."*  We may not always know it but we are affecting people in our own little ways and that we are not worthless, at all.  The first thing that I told him is that *"Thank you for doing this."* and it speaks for everything; for staying until it's late and being so nice and for inspiring people with his works. We may both looked exhausted in the selfie that I took from the day that it has been but managed to smile and happiness is evident in both our eyes because truly, ***it is one of those moments to be treasured in the days to come.***  He promised to come back when the film adaptation of one of his books is out in the country because the Filipinos were so close to his heart.  And really, just, thank God for people like Mitch Albom.

@aaskelter 20 March 2021

Can A Song Save Your Life? Our words when spoken are already powerful. Is it not why there is this old adage that we should all think twice or thrice or even a hundred times before blurting something out? Inasmuch as we should not focus on what others have to say in this Earthly life, words can make or break our being. We live without the need to impress anyone and yet we all crave for a certain validation and appreciation all the time. No wonder social networking is such a hit in today's generation. We get to be "liked" more than we ever desired as though gaining these points actually define who we really are as a person. Human beings are complicated just like that. Now imagine these words being accompanied by an instrument and a haunting melody? The effects are limitless and are bound to shock you. Music has a way of affecting our lives in ways one can never imagine. It could be the source of our happiness whenever we feel like our world is crashing down on us. It could heighten our angst and sorrow if we chose for it to. It could serve as our form of release in our desire to praise and worship the One that is above. Moreover, it could save us, if we would let it. A song is like a musician's best selfie where we get to have a glimpse of what is running on their minds at a certain point in time. It is a product of the collaboration and creative ideas of people. It could be their best and it could also be their worst, it could be a window of a lot of emotions. The lyrics could even get pretentious at times. *But can a song really save our life?* It's not like music can raise people from the dead or literally grab your hands when you are to fall on a cliff but here we are to discover how it has affected people in a way or another. But songs can serve as a reminder of a certain part of your life flashing before your eyes that is being reflected by the song that you is hearing. The lyrics as inspired by real life situations can totally fit each and every situation that you are currently experiencing too. The songs can inspire you to feel better about yourself, to reach more heights and motivate other people in the process. It is not only songs with the most positive lyrics that can save. Even the saddest ones can do the trick sometimes. The vulnerability is what’s resonating with you that it makes you feel like you are not alone. ***You don’t have to go through it alone.*** Somewhere out there, somebody is going through the same thing and you are being connected by the music that you are hearing. It could feel like a virtual hug, a pat on the back, a company when you feel like nobody is listening. The power of songs may be positive or negative depending on our choices and life decisions. It could empower you but it could also break you... but in the end it is still up to you if you will allow it to overpower your decisions. Songs may or may not be able to save our lives, but the solace that it gives is definitely comforting. *Music therapy for example, medical term-wise, is proven to calm anxiety and ease the pain.* Music therapy is often used to improve the quality of life for people with emotional, mental and physical health problems.   **Peterson Family Foundation** also noted that music therapy can help to relieve pain and reduce stress and anxiety for the patient resulting in physiological changes related to the following: Improved respiration Lower blood pressure Improved cardiac output Reduced heart rate Relaxed muscle tension See, music is not *just* music. It may not be what everything would need but at one point, it could be enough. We should not be afraid to feel and be moved by these things. Sometimes, it may be the push that we needed to move forward with our lives too. What’s the song that’s resonating with you the most at the moment? ********* ***Blowing out the candles on another birthday cake*** ***Old enough to look back and laugh at my mistakes*** ***Young enough to look at the future and like what I see*** ***My best days are ahead of me*** *Life hasn't always been a party* *But mostly it's been good* *There's only one or two things that I'd change if I could* *I don't get lost in the past or get stuck in some sad memory, yeah* *My best days are ahead of me* *Age ain't nothing but a number* *Sometimes I have to wonder* *"What does it really mean?"* *But hey I'm still putting it together* *I keep getting better* *If I keep getting better* *I can be whatever I want to be* *My best days are ahead of me* *I've got sunsets to witness* *Dreams to dance with* *Beaches to walk on* *And lovers to kiss* *There's a whole lot of world out there* *That I can't wait to see* *My best days are ahead of me* `Lead song: My Best Days Are Ahead of Me - Danny Gokey`

@aaskelter 18 March 2021

May The Best of your Todays Be The Worst of your Tomorrows Borrowing words from a Jason Mraz’ song (he sang it best!).... There are moments this year that I felt like giving up but there are times, too in which I wonder why I even doubted when I should have just put my trust in His plans for my life.  I'll never get tired of proclaiming how grateful I am for everything that has happened this year. Mind you, it has not been always good. There are days when it is so bad that I would just cry it all out or cry myself to sleep. I even had to delete my social media apps on my phone at some point, I am so tired -- seeing your life not working out the way you initially plan it to be. I focused on the things that I lack instead of the things that I have. I drown myself in worries. When you thought it could not get any worse, it can and it feels like you cannot do something about it. But you can do something about it. I... **prayed**. Harder than I have ever had.  And then gradually I realised that He's been sending me hugs in many forms, I am just blinded by my worries to see it, but it's definitely there. It could be in the form of company, of my family, my cat and friends. It could be through the comfort of my favourite food or through listening to my favourite songs. It could be the joy of getting to try and explore things for the very first time. Maybe things are not working out because you deserve something better (You definitely do.) Maybe He is preparing you for something bigger. We've all been down there. And we can get better. See, it won’t always feel like it’s the best life, but life indeed gets better. **Plot twists are everywhere.** It’ll make you cry, make you doubt. But there will be blessings and they are everywhere, too.  Pinky promise to never give up on your dreams, on your goals, on yourself and never forget your core inspirations (friends, family) as you move forward. And remember, He always got our back. Keep on keeping on. Let’s have it all. *** `May you have auspiciousness and causes of success` `May you have the confidence to always do your best` `May you take no effort in your being generous` `Sharing what you can, nothing more nothing less` `May you know the meaning of the word happiness` `May you always lead from the beating in your chest` `May you be treated like an esteemed guest` `May you get to rest, may you catch your breath` `And may the best of your todays be the worst of your tomorrows` `And may the road less paved be the road that you follow` `Here’s to the hearts that you're gonna break` `Here's to the lives that you're gonna change` `Here's to the infinite possible ways to love you` `I want you to have it.` `Here's to the good times we're gonna have` `You don’t need money, you got a free pass` `Here's to the fact that I'll be sad without you` `I want you to have it all.`

@aaskelter 15 March 2021

A Random Thought. Sometimes we think we are strong enough to deal with life's mishaps but not until we get exposed to the dark side of life that we would realise that you can never be truly emotionally prepared or physically ready. But you always have the choice on how you will face these demons — if you will prefer to let it get into you and deal it with confrontations OR if you will keep your cool and stay logical. What would you choose?

@aaskelter 14 March 2021

Five Ways To Love Life This is what I have learned from one of The Feast that I have previously attended. It is worth sharing, too so here it goes. 1. Love Yourself. *You cannot be happy with someone else if you cannot be happy on your own.* One should be able to differentiate loving one’s self from being self-centered, though. Loving yourself does not mean prioritizing yourself over others. To put it simply, we should be able to accept our flaws and and celebrate our own goodness before we get to be able to give love and appreciation to others. 2. Love The Idea of Falling in Love *Being able to love is the gift, not the person.* Sometimes, we tend to focus on whatever it is that we will gain when we love someone. We also think that everything that we give must be reciprocated, if not being doubled. But it is now time to realize that loving in itself is what’s making the whole experience remarkable. Same goes with the saying, *“happiness is not the endgame but it is the journey itself.”* 3. Love God. Pretty self-explanatory. In putting Him first, that’s the start of acceptance that life is not all about you. Being selfless is when we can give and love more. And when we are overflowing with love, that’s the time that we get motivated to show and express our acts of love towards ourselves and to others. 4. Love to Love. *A simple act of kindness can do different things to people.* It may be a simple thing to you, but to others it could be their everything. Smiling and saying good morning can boost their serotonin all day. Say, a shared knowledge could save one’s life should there come a time for emergencies or sort. A simple “how are you?” can divert one’s mind from all the worries and stress acquired throughout the day and more. 5. Love the Life You Live. Make the best of each day. Live as if it is your last, they say. You only have one life so might as well live it to the fullest... responsibly. *Love, always.*

@aaskelter 13 March 2021

MATCHA-dventures in Taiwan! 2019 has been a good one for the traveler in me. Through God’s provisions I was able to wander in Taiwan in March and explore Seoul, South Korea with my friends in September. It feels surreal to be able to go to places I could only dream of before. I will always treasure those moments that I get to spend in these lovely places. **First of hopefully many updates: My MATCHA-dventure!** Of course, I would not miss the opportunity to try matcha in the land of boba milk tea — Taiwan! *** **The general consensus: Matcha** isn’t Taiwan’s strongest point (so stick to boba milk tea if you’re going to roam around). The drinks all tasted like jasmine green tea even when the label says matcha. It did not stop me from trying the goodies out and actually enjoying them, though. **Matcha latte (Xin Fu Tang)** There is a long queue for brown sugar milk tea but I opted to try their matcha latte. Apparently they have extended their franchise in the Philippines now too (one is located at The Podium) so if you are curious, you may also try it there. There is a huge variety of food and drink stalls in **Jiufen Old Street** *(village where the Ghibli movie Spirited Away was inspired by)* so I got my thirst quencher in there. It is only on few occasions that people would ask if I like my drink with pearls first and I appreciate that they did because I am not really fond of tapioca pearls. I’ll eat them, alright, but if given the choice I always go for the pudding. The guy even knew we’re Filipino and was persuading us telling it’s *masarap (good)*.  That’s cute. When you’re on a budget trip, a 24/7 convenience store is your best friend. From quirky snacks to local dishes for dinner (tea boiled-egg and affordable noodle meal) to a vast selection of drinks and items that could even pass as *pasalubong* to your family members, friends and work colleagues (It is very handy if you don’t have much time to go to souvenir shops, to be honest. They’ve got all that you’d need. Almost.). Gladly, the 7-11/Family Mart’s abroad are like *heaven* with so many goodies to choose from. Matcha items included. Here are some of my hoards: I scream for (matcha) ice cream!!! This one tasted like jasmine, though.  *** Here are some matcha cookies on display on a flower park exhibit/souvenir store in Fongyuan District (I didn’t get to try them but I’ve snapped a photo of it for you know, matcha-documentation). ***  Visiting **Taichung** is a different story, though. Here we’ve found a good ice cream and tea place and it’s the highlight of this trip’s matcha-dventure. The building in which MIYAHARA is located was once an opthalmology clinic (no wonder the logo has the *eye*on it. Witty.) but it is now one of the must-visit places in Taichung. It is famous for their Taiwanese pastries, goodies, tea and... ice cream! The interior is pleasing to the eye too and it has reminded me of Harry Potter and Hogwarts. *****MIYAHARA Ice Cream Parlour***** *Address: No. 20, Zhongshan Road, Central District, Taichung City, Taiwan 400* *Operational Hours: Mon to Sun, 10:00 AM to 10:00 PM* But of course, I had to try the matcha one! To be honest I have already forgotten the other flavours that we picked but the matcha is good enough for me then. *** **BONUS:** Not a matcha drink but this milk tea is a must-try and must-buy in Taiwan! It may look like something you could buy off an Avon brochure (powder) but this milk tea is surprisingly good. Until the next matcha-dventure!

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@aaskelter 13 March 2021

MATCHA-dventures in Japan! One of my favourite things about our Japan trip in 2018 is that I get to try a lot of matcha flavoured food. This post  is especially all about my favourite food to consume in the world: matcha! What is matcha? ****Matcha**** is made by grinding young tea leaves and is said to have more nutrients as you are having the tea leaves instead of having just the extracts from its leaves (from a normal green tea). It is packed with antioxidants, boosts metabolism and burns calories. Matcha also: Enhances mood and aids in concentration Calms the mind and relaxes the body Prevents disease Lowers cholesterol and blood sugar So much for an introduction. Not everyone is into it but I love it and I love trying varieties from matcha drinks to cookies, muffins, and weird dishes (matcha on pasta, chicken tonkatsu, etc).  Here are some that I get to hoard while we were on the Land of the Rising Sun! (There a lot more that I didn’t get to take a picture of because I ate them right away. Oops.) Crispy Thin Oreos Matcha flavoured CHOCOPIE Matcha cookies Matcha bon-bon Matcha sundae that we have tried in Kyoto Matcha bourbon Matcha Crunky chocolate Sakusako Otabe matcha cookies Matcha KitKat (featuring the wasabi flavoured one) Lastly, my ultimate favourite, this 51% matcha Meiji cookie (and some green tea drink from my friend’s sister who is residing in Tokyo). *** Japan is indeed the land of matcha! I have been checking my old stuff and I felt like sharing as it will take a while until we’d get to travel and explore other countries again because of the pandemic. I miss exploring places and experiencing different cultures. Let’s all stay safe until then, alright?

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@aaskelter 12 March 2021

Exploring Batam, Indonesia Who would have thought that with just a forty minute ferry ride away from Singapore you can already experience a *staycation* of sorts (semantics!). Batam is the largest city in the Riau Islands Province of Indonesia, across Singapore and is the third-largest city in Sumatra region (Thank you, Wiki for that fact). If you want to go for a quick massage (the specialty!), a shopping spree as the items are relatively cheaper than that in the city, and eat some seafood then you came at the right place. Staying over for a weekend in 2016, we were not really able to try the massage as we end up lounging on our hotel rooms instead, watching movies from the cable television (a.k.a. **the definition of chill**).  We did a bit of a city tour, though and it was made possible by our lovely, accomodating tour guide. While Batam is not as aesthetically pleasing as its neighboring cities (there is not much to see, to be honest), it did give a sense of relaxation and contentment away from the hassles of the city life. Sometimes we just cannot help but long for the simplicity in a bustling kind of living. It even made us miss staying in the province back home. It did not stop us from having fun, of course. We tried different snacks and was amazed by the vast choices of chocolate flavours at this one shop. There’s even a durian-flavoured chocolate? Not sure if I’m into it but it is one of the must-try (just to get an experience). I also did get to try the ice cream gelato that was being prepared/mixed in front of you and while it isn’t as matcha as I expected (and there’s a hint of Durian in there again) I truly enjoyed it. I want to explore more parts of Indonesia and hopefully when the pandemic situation starts to get better we can come back.

@aaskelter 12 March 2021

After Laughter `A kind of review` After Laughter is a record that has hit me the most and it is a no-skip album, at least for me. It may have acquired mixed reactions from good old Paramore and fans and it is so underrated but it is (may I dare say) the most genuine and honest record that they have made in their entire career. The band is also vocal with the fact that it is their favourite record among all the albums that they have previously released. If **Hard Times** came right after **Brand New Eyes**, my younger emo self would definitely not appreciate it as I may be craving for something that is remotely close to their debut and earlier records. I remember having mixed feelings towards **Now** before, but hearing these today I realised that the **self-titled album** is necessary for my musical growth as a fan. Safe to say that I have matured as their music went on from one genre to another up to what it is now (80's tinged shenanigans). I grew up with them. Experienced life as they had theirs and I think that is what has made this record more relatable than ever. Gone are the days when I would complain how their music sounded more Hayley Williams-ish rather than sounding like the actual Paramore. I am now appreciating the band's music as it is.  We all know how they have almost called it quit as most members have left. But Paramore is back and I am ever glad for that. Zac Farro is also back. And me, just like them is ***still emo, just a proper upbeat.*** **Rose-Coloured Boy** has been on an awful amount of repeat on my player these days. **26** is my ultimate life song and it is what has resonated with me the most. It gives me hope. **Forgiveness, Fake Happy, Grudges**. Catchy beat, crazy riffs. Every single song hits me in the face of the realities that we all encounter every day. On that fleeting moment I realise how fitting the album title really is (***"It means that look on a person’s face when they laugh really hard and then there’s this moment where they come back to reality."***) and I cannot help but be amazed by how powerful words and music can be. To end this up, I'd quote Hayley Williams, ***"Just enjoy the damn music."***

@aaskelter 12 March 2021

2020: A Look Back to The Year That Is Blue & Grey I am excited for the BE album because it has been a while since BTS has released an album more than anything else and this Blue & Grey review (the song that has resonated with me the most) has been sitting in my blog drafts since its release but for some odd reasons I wasn’t able to finish then. Thinking about it, the song is fitting because it feels like it has been the mood since the lockdown has started in March of last year.  Who would have thought? January 2020 has started normally with it being the “longest” month. But that’s how it’s always felt after coming from the short Christmas vacation. I remember Taal Volcano erupting (January 12) on my way home and seeing shards of particles but didn’t think of the worse until I saw it in the news. Also, it is the start of wearing N95 masks for protection. The demand then is really high that most stores are out-of-stock.  **I remember** waking up in the early hours of January 26th and seeing Kobe Bryant trending on Twitter, only to find out that he’s tragically met an accident and lost his life on a helicopter crash in California along with his daughter. **I remember** pushing through with our well-deserved weekend getaway in the early days of the pandemic. Situations may have been gloomy and COVID scare is looming then so we had worn masks for extra protection.  I still get to cover a few musical events and watch live ballgames earlier last year.  **I remember** having to go to work on March 16th experiencing the more restricted travel/commute protocol in the MRT. The moment in the office when the lockdown is officially announced is vivid and it certainly made us realise that the situation is worse than expected. **I remember** how I luckily get to meet up with my friend, experienced a minor mishap in the middle of NLEX on our way home and got into to my aunt’s house and stayed there for a few months, was allowed to work from home and all that. Never would we have thought that it will be like how it is today. Almost a year later, we are still at a lost collectively, but life went on.  *I wrote “Blue & Grey” when I was at my lowest point, when I was actually asking whether I could keep going with my work or not. Even the fun parts of work became a chore, and my whole life felt aimless. “Where do I go from here? I can’t even see the end of the tunnel.” Those kinds of thoughts hit me hard. - Kim Taehyung on writing Blue & Grey* In a span of months, COVID-19 has taken away innocent lives. It has taken away the sources of living for most of our countrymen, too. The experiences where my other passion is being directed has been taken away from me as I don’t get to cover events and write on the side anymore. We also had to cancel our Korea trip in June.  On the brighter side, I still have a day job and the family is healthy. And life went on.  We followed all the safety procedures because in a country where good governance seemed almost non-existent you got to do what you do to stay safe. You’re all by yourself.  I gladly spent my birthday on a lockdown and lived on video calls and online streaming/concerts.  My sister got married and just a simple, intimate family gathering and yet it’s all we could ever hope for. I was able to see the growth of my cousins’ quarantine doggos for five months. We may have spent a lot on food delivery services and tried every trending snacks (*dalgona coffee, ube cheese pandesal, baked sushi and the likes*) and bond. **Who would have thought staying at home can also be so eventful? It all depends on everyone’s perspectives (and to some extent, privilege).** *Rather than just some stranger telling them to cheer up, I think it’s better to say something like, “You seem depressed lately,” or, “Seems like these days it’s tough for you to perk up.” “Blue & Grey” is the same: “You’re depressed lately? Me too. We’re in the same boat. Wanna talk about how you’re feeling? You wanna feel better, right? I know, but sometimes it feels like you’re being washed away by a whirlpool of stress.” I want the listeners to hear me saying that to them. - Kim Taehyung* Then there’s BTS and all their contents, an unexpected but a welcome company. Hanging out with friends albeit only online has made the “grey” months extra bearable. Every *Gaya Sa Pelikula* Fridays and the *banlaw* sessions that follow are a breathe of fresh air. Also, those are reminders that the battle against discrimination and micro aggressions  is really out there. Even so, there are nights when worries would take over and you’d just cry yourself to sleep. When everything feels uncertain and it gets overwhelming and you’re alone with your thoughts. But that is fine. Sometimes you don’t need people to reassure you that things are going to be okay. Sometimes you just need them to be there with you as they empathize in silence. And there is nothing wrong with that, too. It is okay to not feel okay, to “*space out*” and live in your darkest. Soon it will get better. Soon, like Taehyung, there will be “*good nights*” instead of “*I passed out because I am exhausted.*”  It is okay to long to be happier because we certainly deserve it. Sometimes, we just need to look harder. Other times, *we have to create it for ourselves.* `Where is my angel?` `The end of the day` `Someone come and save me, please` `A weary sigh of a tiring day` `I guess everyone's happy` `Can you look at me? 'Cause I am blue and grey` `The meaning of the tears reflected in the mirror` `My color hidden with a smile, blue and grey` `I don't know where it went wrong` `Since my youth, I've had a blue question mark in my head` `Maybе that's why I've been living so fiercely` `But whеn I look back, I'm all by myself` `That hazy shadow that swallows me up` `The blue question mark still exists` `Is it anxiety or depression?` `How am I so regretful?` `Or is it just me, one that loneliness gave birth to` `I still don't know, the ferocious blue` `I hope I don't erode away, I'll find the exit` `I just wanna be happier` `To melt the cold me` `My hands have reached out countless times` `Colorless echo` `Oh, this ground feels so heavier` `I am singing by myself`  `I just wanna be happier` `Am I being too greedy?` `I felt when I walked on the cold winter streets` `The sound of my fast heartbeat breathing` `I still feel it` `Don't say it's okay` `'Cause it's not okay` `Please don't leave me alone, it hurts too much` `On the road I always walk` `There is a light that always shines` `But today, the scene feels unfamiliar` `Is it dull or is it broken?` `This lump of metal feels heavy` `A grey rhino is approaching` `I'm just standing there without focus` `I don't feel like myself at this moment` `I'm just not scared` `I don't believe in a God called conviction` `Words like color make me cringe` `A vast grey area is way more comfortable` `Hundreds of millions of grey facial expressions here` `When it rains, it's my world` `I dance over this city` `On a clear day, bring some fog` `On rainy days, we're always together` `A toast to all the dust here` `I just wanna be happier` `Please feel the warmth of my hands` `They're not warm, so I need you more` `Oh, this ground feels so heavier` `I am singing by myself` `In the distant future, when I smile` `I'll tell you I did` `After secretly sending my words up into the air` `Now I fall asleep at dawn, good night` ***** The authorities’ response to the pandemic situation may still be deemed as not at its best. There’s still EJKs, police brutality and misogyny everywhere. Blatant corruption that is being deemed as “justified “. Sometimes it feels like we only have ourselves. But cheers, 2020! Despite everything, you will be remembered as the year of strength, delayed plans, blessings and redirection. Grateful for the times that we’re able to gather the strength to proceed and to live. There’s The guidance from up above that’s keeping us going. 2021, you are such a promise. I look forward to the better days ahead, and to the blessings in different forms that we are bound to receive. Also, to the opportunities to become a better me.

@aaskelter 9 March 2021

It Is Alright To Not Have A Dream Ever felt like not having the same enthusiasm towards something? When you thought you have everything set in stone, then here comes a moment when you just don't have that same ***fire*** anymore. You treat success like an endgame, a paradise wherein everything is working out for you. But life does not always work that way. There are days when the ***burn*** gets so bad that I would just cry it out at church or cry myself to sleep. I even had to delete my social media apps on my phone at some point, I am so tired — seeing your life not working out the way you initially plan it to be. I focused on the things that I lack instead of the things that I have. I drown myself in worries. When you thought it could not get any worse, it can and it feels like you cannot do something about it. But you can do something about it.  I... prayed. Harder than I have ever had.  And then gradually I realised that He's been sending me hugs in many forms, I am just blinded by my worries to see it, but it's definitely there. It could be in the form of company, of my family, my cat and friends. It could be through the comfort of my favourite food or through listening to my favourite songs. It could be the joy of getting to try and explore things for the very first time. Maybe things are not working out because you deserve something better (You definitely do.) Maybe He is preparing you for something bigger. We've all been down there. And we can get better. Later you will realise that the said ***fire is not lost***. It is burning even more brightly than ever. You may not have been aware but you have been channeling it into another part of your life.  See, it won’t always feel like it’s the best life, but life indeed gets better. Plot twists are everywhere. It’ll make you cry, make you doubt. But there will be blessings and they are everywhere, too.  Today, I still am at that point where I could not pinpoint where I would want my life to lead. Will we ever learn, though? At this point I just... live. And there is nothing wrong with that, too. **Paradise** by BTS has reminded me that it is alright to not have the same dreams as the people around you. Or to be acquiring goals as the world is expecting you to. Or to compare your *timezone* with the people around you. Dreaming doesn’t always have to be something big. But you should not stop from trying your best. You should keep living and loving and giving light to the world with all the flames burning inside you. I admire those who gets to figure out what they want to do with their lives early on. I also admire being in the dark to the point of basking in it. It makes you appreciate ***the light*** when it comes. And it will come. `“But the real world is` `Different from what’s promised` `We need to run, we need to step on it` `If you shoot a flare` `You don’t have a destination` `There’s no sceneries at all` `Until your breath comes up to your chin` `You need to you need to` `It’s alright to stop` `There’s no need to run without even knowing the reason` `It’s alright to not have a dream` `If you have moments where you feel happiness for a while...”` Birthday month/week per my experience is when all anxiety levels are up. It makes you ponder on how you have spent the past year, how you've probably slacked and/or of how far you've come. I was waiting for ***that*** moment every April, the sleepless night. For crying out of nowhere thinking where I effed up with my life. For every mistake that I could have prevented if I have put more effort and if I have put my focus on the things that (in the eyes of the curious crowd) matter. Surprisingly, ***it didn't come***.  While the future is still as vague and uncertain as it has ever been especially in this pandemic state that we are in, I am in a better place than I was the previous year and I am grateful to be here. `“We borrow dreams from others (Like a debt)` `We learn that we need to become great (Like a light)` `Your dream. Is actually a burden.` `If having a future is the only dream existing` `Then what is the dream you had last night in your bed?` `It’s alright if the name of the dream is different` `Be it buying a laptop next month` `Or just eating and sleeping` `Not doing anything at all yet still having a lot of money` `Who says a dream must be something grand?` `Just become anybody.` `We deserve a life` `Whatever big or small, you are you after all..”` With all the realisations I figured, despite the challenges that we are currently experiencing, life isn’t too bad and I am actually happier with my every relationships and my mental state. I could definitely work on my shortcomings. And I will work harder to achieve the goals that I have set for myself. I never go through it alone, anyway. If there is anything I am really sure of, it is that I have Him.  We'll all be fine. Here’s to the challenges. Here’s to living in our version of ***paradise***. `“It’s alright to stop.` `Now we don’t run without knowing the destination.` `It’s alright to not have a dream` `All the breaths you breathe are already in paradise.”` *Grateful and hopeful,* A

@aaskelter 9 March 2021

Happy International Women’s Day! Sara Bareilles is being her usual genius self once again and came up with this very brilliant song off Waitress, the production and I... am moved.  It's like my life is being translated into a song at some point. It has reminded me of the many rejections that I had in my life that it seemed like a normal life routine: *being rejected*. It 's like I lost my optimistic self and embraced my failures *deeply*. Or maybe I am having this typical "**good girl problem**": that the real me has been hiding in the strong persona that I am allowing the people around me to see all along. It has reminded me of the feeling of missing someone **so much** that it became a constant feeling and felt like as normal as breathing. It has reminded me of my many flaws that I almost gave up on working on improving for the better. Moreover, doubting about the "**strong faith**" that I apparently possess that everyone around me has been mentioning for forever. At the same time it has opened my eyes for more truths and realisations.  This girl is more than all those negative thoughts and that there will always a chance to improve for the better. This girl is loved and hugely appreciated and that she am so blessed beyond belief that everything is already handed out to her if she would just look further around her. Her faith is stronger than ever and she should just only focus on Him and Him alone and that it is going to be enough, embracing the happiness that she has been depriving myself of and all the other great things in life just because she has been scarred and scared. And that it is never wrong to feel bad at all, just as long as she would not stop to seek to get that girl back to be able to radiate it to the world no matter what it will entail. Everything is the same and yet *different*. New beginnings are looming..... the passion inside is burning. It is never going to be easy but the future is just as exciting and to be honest this girl could hardly wait for the life the world is to offer. This girl is more equipped than she ever was in her life. *** And now, the lyrics: *It's not simple to say,* *Most days I don't recognize me.* *These shoes and this apron,* *This place and it's patrons* *Have taken more than I gave them.* *It's not easy to know* *I'm not anything that I used to be.* *Although it's true,* *I was never attention sweet center* *I still remember that girl.* *She's imperfect but she tries* *She is good but she lies.* *She is hard on herself.* *She is broken but won't ask for help.* *She is messy but she's kind.* *She is lonely most of the time.* *She is all of this mixed up* *And baked in a beautiful pie.* *She is gone but she used to be mine.* *And it's not what I asked for.* *Sometimes life just slips in through back door* *Carves out the person* *And makes you believe it's so true.* *And now I've got you.* *And you're not what I asked for.* *If I'm honest I know I would give it all back* *For a chance to start over* *And rewrite an ending or two* *For the girl that I knew.* *Who be reckless just enough* *Who get hurt but* *Who learns how to toughen up when she's bruised* *And gets used by a man who can't love* *And then she'll get stuck and be scared* *Of the life that's inside her* *Growing stronger each day* *'Til it finally reminds her* *To fight just a little* *To bring back the fire in her eyes* *That's been gone but it used to be mine.* *Used to be mine* *She is messy but she's kind* *She is lonely most of time* *She is all of this mixed up and baked in a beautiful pie* *She is gone but she used to be mine.* **** No she's not gone, she's out there somewhere and she will be back. The fire in her eyes will be back. *She will be mine.* *** This is for all the strong women. Happy International Women’s Day! Let us keep on keeping on!

@aaskelter 8 March 2021

The Thing About Fame... We all must have craved for fame once in our lives. Maybe not '*fame*' itself but we all kind of want to be noticed and remembered in a way. How daunting and overwhelming it is to be looked up to, to be the talk of the town and to be admired by many. And sometimes, we tend to go all the way when we wanted to achieve something that at some point we may have neglected to consider the circumstances and end up hurting even the people that we care about the most. With this being said, one of the saddest books that I have read is probably **Sidney Sheldon**'s ***Stranger In The Mirror***. It is a very haunting read, also, very liberating. It will certainly put things into perspective.  There maybe quite a lot of mature stuff (uh, typical Sheldon but he's done it with class) and behind the scene (in the industry) stuff that will blow your mind. Lastly, (and vaguely as to not spoil the story to those who might not have read the book yet) it is good to be reminded of the consequences that come with the pursuit of our dreams. It also serves as a reminder that we should not lose ourselves (hence, seeing a stranger in the mirror) in the process of acquiring the things (that we thought) we really wanted to have.  One day when you look into the mirror, will you be liking what you’re seeing? Is it the future *you* that you’ve imagined, hoped and worked hard to be? Is it going to be like **Harry Potter**’s *Mirror of Erised* that reflects the deepest desires of your heart and that you’ve finally achieved your dreams? Or is it someone whom you cannot even recognize anymore?

@aaskelter 8 March 2021

For When You Feel Unworthy and Lacking It seems like every feeling is self-inflicted. Sometimes we feel like we are superior from others and we expect them to see and act based on how we view certain things.... and that's where our frustrations in life usually come from.  Whenever I feel frustrated and unmotivated because of my personal growth, I turn to these two parables from the Bible and the enlightenment is just what I needed. *And He also told this parable to some people who trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and viewed others with contempt: "Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. "The Pharisee stood and was praying this to himself: 'God, I thank You that I am not like other people: swindlers, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector.* *'I fast twice a week; I pay tithes of all that I get.' "But the tax collector, standing some distance away, was even unwilling to lift up his eyes to heaven, but was beating his breast, saying, 'God, be merciful to me, the sinner!' "I tell you, this man went to his house justified rather than the other; for everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but he who humbles himself will be exalted."* *- Luke 18:9-14* Another one is from Matthew 20:16. *“So the last will be first, and the first will be last.”*  When thoughts like*"I am better than you."* and *"I deserve to get more credits than you do."*  are eating me alive, I struggled and found it hard to focus because of a heavy heart and I felt like I am getting less when in reality and on a wiser perspective, I am more than blessed. And then there are days when I find myself unworthy and lacking, like I could never do anything correctly and that I am destined to fail. Then, I was reminded that every person has a different pace in learning. Some learns quickly while some takes ages. Some needs to be spoon-fed as some tries to find a solution before even complaining. Some has the drive to learn. Some exerts effort. Some needs to be pushed before they get their acts together. We'll never know up until when will these excuses be valid but we should stop comparing ourselves to people and just focus on the tasks at hand. You have to remind yourself to stay grounded or you might end up learning it the hard way. Also, it takes all courage to admit that we are not as perfect and knowledgeable as we probably thought we are. It may be very difficult but even the best people has failed countless times and it took them a while to master their craft and we are not to judge. On the parable, the Pharisee spoke highly of himself while the tax collector conceded. It pays to be humble and all. We needed to learn, sometimes in the hardest way, but we needed to learn our lessons. I still get disappointed when things do not work out the way I wanted them to be. I still get frustrated. How people act as though the world revolved among only themselves is beyond me. But that is when I came up to a decision and freed myself from the darkest of thoughts and turned to pray to Him. I pray for guidance. I pray for patience and more patience. I pray to be more compassionate towards others. Most of all, I pray for understanding and wisdom. Don’t be so hard on yourself. There are better days ahead. *I am working on it, Lord. Thank You for believing in me.* *I pray the same for you.* — `Lead photo from Unsplash`

@aaskelter 4 March 2021

HOPE For The Broken Is there HOPE for the broken? For the hurting? For the lonely and confused? For the unmotivated, the busy and the tired? For the lost? Back in 2016 I was able to attend to probably the biggest Catholic charismatic event of the year and in Singapore, no less: Kerygma Conference Asia. Every KCon is life-changing and I am just blessed that I was able to attend then. I still keep the learnings and realisations that I had then close to my heart. This is actually one of the discussions that we had during one of the talks. There is HOPE for the broken. And this is what HOPE stands for: **H** **Honestly admit your feelings.**  We are all broken even when we are too stubborn to admit it ourselves.  Being in denial will not only halt improvement but failing to grasp reality will not solve anything. We are stuck overthinking about things when we can do something about it. And when we are stuck we tend to settle. We are prone to giving up.  ***We have to acknowledge our weaknesses to be able to turn it into our strengths.*** It wasn't easy (I have been there, plenty of times). But what's the best way to start healing? To admit it. **We are broken**. And by being broken there is hope that one day we can be repaired and we can come back with a blast.  And what do they say when you're all the way at the bottom? There is no other way but up. **O** **Overflowing gratitude.**  *Be awesome. Be grateful. Be blessed. Be the change you want to be in the world.* Christi always reminds us back in her radio disc jockey days. And I think being grateful is something that should come as natural as breathing especially these days when everything seemed to be a proper mess. It gives us a perspective that everything will turn out okay in its time. It makes us hopeful. It lets us appreciate the things that we have. You'll be surprised to know that you probably have more than enough all along but you are too blinded by the worldly lust that is everywhere to even acknowledge how truly blessed you really are. **P** **Push out negative thoughts.**  It is this dark place that we all tend to come back even when we will ourselves not to. It is the monster that we hide behind the strong facade that if we fail to acknowledge, we nurture and it will eventually eat us alive. It is this balloon of extreme anxiety and emotion that is almost always on the verge of explosion. How are we going to push them all out? By sticking together. One should not face the cruel world alone.  By praying and keeping Him close. By focusing on the positive side of things and working towards improving it. By being perceptive. By pursuing our hearts desire before it is too late. By being realistic without losing our ideals. And lastly, **E** **Embrace your "now".**  *"If you are broken, you don't have to stay broken",* Selena Gomez has said in her American Music Awards speech once and I cannot believe I am actually quoting her but it is all true.  We do not need any validations from anyone. Not anymore. We don't need one-sided relationships and friendships that suck all the happiness inside us. We don't owe explanations to anyone for being ourselves or for what they can understand based on the level of their perceptions. We only have to be ourselves, to move forward and celebrate what we have in the **now**.

@aaskelter 4 March 2021

Try To Let Go of Your Try-Hard Life There is one book that I have recently read that has brought me back home that I would like to share to anyone who might get to read this. It is Emily  P. Freeman's Graceful (For Young Women): Trying to Let Go of Your Try-Hard Life. It has reminded me of this child of God that we all are, of this relationship that we should put up first and that is with Him, of course. We all have fears of which are hidden behind our strong persona, our active lifestyle, the smiles we efortlessly give away to our family, friends and even to strangers, the hard work that we always exert. She's even classified the kind of "***good girls***" that we hide our real selves with through anecdotes that will make you understand yourself a bit more. She's listed out most if not all of our major worries in life ( the following are some concepts/excerpts from the book): *We worry about not being enough.* *We worry about what other people will think.* *We fear about not making a difference.* *We fear our weaknesses.* *We fear about being invisible and being taken for granted.* *We are afraid of not getting things right.* *We are afraid of criticisms.* *We are afraid of missing out.* We all try to be the ***good*** one. No, we all wanted to be the **best** one. But how are we going to be able to be so if we are apparently hollow inside most of the time? We can be successful in our endeavours but are we really happy? Freeman reminds us to stop trying and start to be more trusting to Jesus Christ our Saviour as He is the only one who can give us courage in facing all of the said fears. To be honest, it is very liberating knowing that we always have Him on our side. It's like a redirection back on track to our home and well, that's a good start... for now. Keep on seeking for Him. Keep walking with Him.

@aaskelter 3 March 2021

Scribbling Ever had those moments when you have so many things in mind, big experiences/milestones in life that you want to share whether in person or in letters but life gets in the way and before you know it, the hype has come and go and it no longer feel ***that*** huge anymore so you end up bottling that certain memory forever? (Or at least until an inspiration strikes that you would get to write it down or someone would coax it out of you in a conversation.) Same goes with feeling an extreme emotion, whether it is positive or negative, so huge that it felt unexplainable at some point but when you started voicing it out it turned to be a small dot in the grand scheme of things and it doesn't feel like how it was before? It certainly happens all the time. Maybe I did get to ***live*** a little. Maybe life gets in the way. But for whatever reasons, writing is still as therapeutic as ever so don’t ever halt.  Life has been exciting, messy, fun and unpredictable. It's easy to get loss in the realm sometimes. It won't always be rainbows but it will never be all dark. With the strong spiritual foundation and the anchor that keeps on pulling me back, keeping me on track, I remain just as grateful.  I don’t know who needs to hear/read this but: Write in short blurbs until the inspiration kicks in. Write until you’re satisfied. Write until you’re educated enough on certain things. *Don’t ever stop.*

@aaskelter 3 March 2021

Of Lasting Friendships and Overrated Labels We meet different people in every stages of our lives and some tend to stick more than the others. In a way, we long for familiarity. We seek for relationships, love and care that are not necessarily sexual. If we are lucky enough, we would meet our match/matches. Enter the **best friend/s**. It feels like finding that certain person who will provide you that platonic comfort in this overtly sexual world. It's the excitement of having a long day in school/work knowing that somebody is going to listen to your stories; Stories of how your day went even if it has been bland (almost like a routine) but you eagerly narrate because that's what friends do. They talk. The conversations just flow effortlessly. It is having to share the light to someone of the same wavelength and **λν = c** (light equation; read: me trying to be punny) just made sense.  It's you getting to be *you* without being judged. Who am I kidding, it's you being judged and *teased* every single day but not minding it because they accept you and your quirks wholeheartedly. They are also the same people who would immediately come at your defense should the judgments originate from someone who is not a part of your *squad*. It's you getting to sing off-key at the top of your lungs and experience the best concerts / music festivals with the comfort of sharing the same enthusiasm with him/her/them. It's you getting to take selfies and pose wackily and you/them supporting your non-existent but well-loved *modeling career*. It's you trying out every matcha in town and you pigging out even when you all have mutually discussed that you need to go on a diet. It's you enjoying life. **And who says you are limited to just one?** It's them who balance the calm and the storm. It's them who understand even in your silence and through the distance. It's them who may not to get to check on you everyday and vice versa but can still pick up the pieces from where you left off. It's the maturity that goes with the years of being *together*, no matter how unconventional the friendship has started (knowing how social media and the internet are the major factors these days.) It's the give and take, and growing together. It is the unlabeled familiarity that is rooted from nothing but love. But like any other relationships, there will be fallout and sadly, you cannot salvage all of the good ones. Some will get disengaged as quick as acquiring the connection that you had with them and they will be out of your lives for quite some time (sometimes even for good) without you knowing it. One time you will both be on your prime, soaring together, until you are not on the same ground anymore. They needed to spread their wings for full potential and you had to let them find it on another group or person. And you will let them because you know that you both needed it. Sometimes, the one who will be needing to explore could also be ***you***.  Because you depended too much that you lose track of the many other relationships that is also vital for your optimal growth. You are stuck. You trusted too much. You stirred conflicts and apparently you are/the other person is not ready to face the consequences of your words and your actions. You still grow... ***but apart this time***. And that is also okay. Some will make a comeback sometime in the future and you may not know the reason behind it, but accept them anyway. Choosing love over past misunderstandings is beneficial for both sides, you'll see. The All Time Low boys, for example, have been friends since high school but even with a friendship that is rooted from long ago cannot be perfect. Heaven knows how many bro brawls they probably had behind the curtains. There are probably just as many differences as there are similarities and yet they are making it work. Not everyone has been that lucky so we should treasure ours just as much. The best friend bubble is good but look further and you will realise just how many kindred souls are just there waiting for you to share a bit of yourself with them. I will be totally honest. I miss having that one *best friend* whom like Josh Dun and Tyler Joseph can scream to the world that ''I AM HIS/HER BEST FRIEND!" and all that. But I realised God gave a Jack Barakat, Rian Dawson and Zac Merrick to my Alex Gaskarth and I couldn't have been more grateful. I've been praying to have one but I prayed wrongly. I asked for a person. I forgot He always go large and ***He gave me people.*** Life has never been better. Whether it's with a group or just someone, you will not feel like you are missing out on your relationships. You just get exposed to another reality in life: You lose some, you get some. Sometimes, ***you get even more.*** And who doesn't want that, right? — `All photos are from Unsplash` This could have easily been under the **Labels** prompt but I posted it months early. But it is still very relevant, right?

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@aaskelter 27 February 2021

Hopeful Romantic ***"The true hopeless romantic would always rather give than receive. Because they know then and only then, will there be true love."*** or just how Urban Dictionary has defined it. And then there's this random conversation with friends days ago that has made me think about the what if's. ***What if I am as adventurous in the love department as I am with experiencing life?*** ***What if I am not scared to be let down and hurt?*** ***What if I let myself be more vulnerable so more people can get to see the other side of "strong" (aka all of me)?*** In came the doubts. But. ***Can they handle the darkness looming beneath the kaleidoscopic skies?*** ***Will it be really worth the try?*** ***Do I really need people to validate my choices and most of all, happiness?*** ***Is it still practical to seek/wait for love these days?*** Sooner than we may think, the days when we can use the "I'm too young to be in a relationship" will be gone. The 30’s is looming. That weird feeling seems to creep in: like giving in to the pressure of seeing most of our friends settling down and/or them being in a happy relationship though we all know how one-sided the social media personas can be. At the same time, we have that fear of settling for less than what we deserve. Maybe you need to get hurt first so you'll get to find that one person whom you're waiting/praying for, my friends would say. They say it as though there is already this someone, but in reality, there is no one (yet). As inevitable as getting hurt, it may not even possible to get hurt as there is really no one (yet). They feel like I am close to meeting my man when I don't even get to hang with a lot people, especially boys. It's cool, all things considered. Like they are already seeing me as someone who is matured enough (I'd like to think I am) and is actually non-platonically involved with a certain someone and it's not just because of our age. Though I don't really know if I am ready myself but we'll know when it comes.  If it's not happening now it doesn't mean that it will not happen at all. We can be impatient but as one would always say, we need to learn to trust God and His timeframe for everything, not only in our relationships but in life as a whole. There are days when we crave to be loved and that's alright. There are times when we don't and there is also nothing wrong with that. We hope for things to be reciprocated. We want our definite match. We cannot really tell when love is going to hit us for real but we still have that hope. God gave us so much love to give back and we should not let the pressures of the world define our life, choices and relationships.  Improve ourselves, enjoy life as much as we can and give more. Love more without asking for anything in return. Let the words float in our minds like a mantra. And when we finally have it, it will all be worth it. Maybe. ***Hopefully.*** Definitely.

@aaskelter 27 February 2021

Why Are You Smiling? This Is Your Life by Switchfoot may have been sitting on my player for so long and I am sleeping on it. I also may have been asking the same questions and to be honest I don't know the answers even up to now. But it's all going to make sense at some point, I guess. ***"Yesterday is a wrinkle on your forehead*** ***Yesterday is a promise that you've broken***  ***Yesterday is a kid in the corner*** ***Yesterday is dead and over*** ***This is your life***  ***Are you who you want to be?*** ***Is it everything you dreamed that it would be when the world was younger and you have everything to lose?"*** All I know is ***"today is all we've got and today is all we'll ever have,"*** so let's live.  What’s the reason for all of our smiles? And though we are going through something, why do we always manage to smile? Smiling even when hurting. When I'm failing myself. And has disappointed others. When achieving something I've worked hard for. ***When people appreciates me for being me.*** Whenever I would finish reading a good book. When I listen to the music that I like. When I get to meet the people that I admire. Whenever I thought of a good (or probably bad) pun. ***When I am at my worst and yet knowing that one day it will only get better.*** When I am with the people that I value the most. When I get to experience life at its fullest. ***When God gave me opportunities (too much that sometimes I get anxious if I could handle all of it) to make an even better woman out of me.*** ***When God has blessed me more than I would ever deserve.*** Life will not always go your way, but you can choose and act on how you want to see it, on where you would want it to lead. You can choose to pick which battles that you are going to fight for and then graciously let go of the others. You'd know who amongst your relationships are for keeps. At the same time, it is okay to allow yourself to grieve for the time and the people that you have lost in your quest for love and maturity. There may be no definite answer as to getting to be who we wanted or where we wanted to be because we always only end up wanting for more. But we can always do something about our happiness. We are living.  ***We are loved.***  It is never too late to give that love back. It is never too late to empower each other. And that's what's making me happy. That is what I am grateful for.