I’m Not Looking To Be Found...

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Written by

Random blurbs.

3 years ago

In community: Filipino Readers(42bb)

Topics: Music, Money, Mental Health, Mindset, Encouragement

Over the weekend, one of my most favourite bands ever has released a song and held a free online concert via Youtube. It is very nostalgic and bittersweet to say the least. Pre-pandemic, I am an avid concert goer and I do enjoy seeing my favourite musicians sing their heart out to the spectators in a dome or an open ground. From lining up at the venue, to entering and finding your respective seat, to meeting up with good old friends, to the cold AC and to consuming overpriced arena snacks (hotdogs and bottled water are the staple food then).... up to the moment when the lights would go out and the concert would begin.

These days when face-to-face events aren’t an option for obvious reasons, everything felt different and yet the same. The excitement is still there. It still feel like coming home.

But that’s the thing, right? We have to learn to adapt and so these productions have to level up, too. These circumstances also gives them all the liberty to explore the technical side of the events and of how they will be able to deliver world-class set of performances for the supporters to see, albeit only through a screen.

Livestreams are one of the most common form of media that these musicians use to connect with their fans. Costing a few bucks, sometimes even free, but they needed the fund to sustain and provide a well-equipped production.

Going back, it’s one of the recent shows that I did get to enjoy the most. It felt like it is what I needed at that moment when I am feeling so down and anxiety is hitting me big time (must be birthday blues since my birthday is just around the corner) and it has healed a part of me.

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(Un)lost has always been the song of my life that I think, if I ever get to have the courage to actually get tattooed, I will have the word (un)lost written on my left wrist. It reminds me of my hurtful past that I have now gotten over through the help of every special people around me. Of how better I have become since then.

It has made me realise how even though we experience a lot of setbacks in our lives, we should not allow those failures to define who we are and that we should not lose our real self in the process.

It spoke to me how I don’t need to be found by anyone, I just need to relieve myself of feeling clueless and confused and for worrying about the things that I have no control of.

”The world is ours but for a flash, and you are not allowed to be anybody else.”

Everyone of us have different ways of dealing with how we feel. One may think that one is having it easy as they struggle, but then one may also think that something is worse but that is alright. Always remember, our feelings are valid.

How you deal with things is your business so don’t be phased by how others are dealing with their own kind of struggle. You do you. In time, everything will fall into its proper places.

”Control what you can, confront what you can’t. And always remember how lucky you are to have yourself.”

It felt like I needed to be reminded of this line because I keep on worrying about things that I cannot control. It felt like a self-made struggle that I cannot let go easily despite knowing what is causing my anxiety. I probably am not making sense in this, too, but I felt helpless at some point. And it is refreshing to feel revived by the tunes and words.

Embracing what I lack gives me hope for when the better days would come and it makes me appreciate the things that I already have. It also helps that I can write my worries away. Well, figuratively.