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Still dreaming, learning and growing despite of age.
How old are you? Are you old enough to understand life? To understand every situation you faced everyday? To understand consequences of the decisions you made? Are you still dreaming of things you want to achieve? Are you learning from it? Or are you growing as you dream and learn?
When I stopped for five years after high school, I have lots of what if's.
What if my classmates went to college and graduate? Then I am here, doing nothing and stays home. This is because we're living in the province and my parents don't like me to work even as a saleslady.
What if my classmates already have work after their graduation? Then I am here, still waiting for the right time. I really like to go to college and all I did was just wait coz I can't force my parents to support me that instant.
What if they already have their own house and I am just having nothing to be proud of? This always played in my mind before. I don't want to be left behind. That is why i always ends up crying. Coz I want to prove myself that I can also make it. I have a dream that I want to fulfill.
What if we all get married but they have good situation and I am not? Since I was afraid of not getting a chance of studying to college. My mind flew over and beyond my control. And I understand it was envy I felt that is why I change it to as a challenge and I need to win over it. I should not be loss with that envy coz it won't give me good future and mindset. If I like to have a good future for my family, I should think positive and make them as my inspiration that someday I will be like them. I learn to accept the fact and wait for the right time.
I can say I am getting older as I am running 28 years old this month. I can say, lots of of my friends told me I am old now. At first, I am offended as I can't accept the fact that I am getting old yet don't have reach the main goal of my life that I want to achieve. But when I thought deeper, I would just smile at them and just tell them that my age may be added but my face screaming I am young hahaha. I am doing that just to make myself not to be stress of what people would say to me. Coz honestly speaking, many would think I am young and I married at the young age without them knowing I am alrady 26 years old when I get married and when I tell them my age, they won't believe and would start comparing themselves to me and would asked what's my secret to stay young. Maybe because I am small and short that is why they can't figure out my true age. I will just smile at them and will say smile always despite the problems raining everyday.
At this age, I can say I've reached some of my goals. Others would say I am late. Late to have finished my studies, my degree and to have my deploma but for I am not. I always say to myself there are always different situation of every people. Maybe some got it so early because they can afford their studies but in my case, I need to wait for my parents to can afford it. That is why, at the age of 25 I got my deploma and at the age of 26 I got my license. And it's not late for me. All of it was worth it. Each day, I dream to have it all and now I got it. The only thing I didn't reach yet is to be EMPLOYED. Everyday, I dream to become a teacher wearing uniform and holding chalk and ballpen in handling students. I wanna see myself in the four corners of the room where students is listening to me. To be a teacher is not easy. We need to follow steps to become one.
And here I am still struggling to become one. But you know what I learn despite the feeling of being late as it's already two years since I graduated? In that two years, I learned how to be thankful of the blessings I received despite of being unemployed. Coz God never left me with my endeavour. He is always there for me. Before I found noise.cash and read.cash, I was praying to Him to grant me an instrument that will help me stand on my own so that I can help my partner for our family. It is because our ranking that time was suspended. I can say that we have had our money last year but after I gave birth, I admit we needed money as our savings were almost gone coz we have to buy things we need especially for our baby. And God answer my prayers, He gave me an idea and that is to sell goods like perfume, shirts and shoes. I am thankful coz my partner's co-teacher were the one who bought the items. But when I can't manage my time anymore, I stopped coz I need to focus on our son. So, I am not earning for a month and a half. It was the time I was introduced to noise.cash and read.cash at the same time. And God really is amazing coz despite the fact that I am unemployed, I able to save money for the family and able to buy our needs. I able to help my partner also and he kept on saying he's proud of me coz I am not asking him money even if he'll give me his salary. He said that I independent and I can live without fear having no man in life and that what makes him scared. Scared that I may left him because I can give my self what I need. I will just laugh at him and comfort him as well coz I don't want him to feel that way.
At this age, I am still growing as experiences in life taught me everyday. There were times that I decided bad, and consequences really was hard but I am glad that I have a partner who always tells me of what to do coz in that situation, I can't think wise. Two heads is really better than one, we just need ot clear up minds and be openminded so that we can accept other's opinion and ideas.
I experienced hardships since child. Before, I kept on complaing why and why. But as time passed, I learn not to complain instead looked for answers of what to do to make things not complicated and hard. At the young age, I able to know how money should spent wisely. That I should think of needs and not wants. Because of those hardships, I able to dream. To dream because I don't want to stay in that situation. Every time I and mom talked, she always telling me of what are the words I kept on saying before. She said that I am mumbling when I was a child, we walked far just to sell our "Tinagak".
My words was like this:
"Ayoko ng ganito, ayoko mag stay na ganito, palaging naglalakad, balang araw magkakamotor din ako, tapos di ko gagayahin mga tao na di nagpapasakay sa iba kahit nakikita nila na hirap na sa mga dalahin."
"Ayoko dito sa bukid, kakapagod, mainit at makati sa balat. Gusto ko paglaki ko nasa opisina ako nag tatrabaho o kaya magturo ng mga bata."
"Ito lang pagkain namin, walang bigas puro kami kamote tas ulam namin toyo at ginataang langka. Kailan kaya kami aasenso Lord?"
That's what my mom said. I never thought she heard those coz she said, I will just mumble when I am alone and thought no one was listening or around. I still remember I have this notebook, I will write all of my frustrations in life and my dreams also that I wanna become. I just don't know where it is now. But when I am writing on that notebook, I am crying and pour my feelings on it.
I grow as an understanding child. I understand my parents situation that is why I never get mad at them even if they didn't able to give my wants in life. The most important thing is that they give me my needs and my siblings also. They helped me reach my goals in life. And now, it's my turn to fulfill some of my goals in life and give what they deserve.
That's all for today as I need to study a little coz I have an exam tomorrow. See you, everyone. 😉