What makes you confident? Is your self-esteem fine? Have you lost your confidence? Why? How to bring back your lost confidence?
DURING MY ELEMENTARY DAYS
Since a child, I am thin and small because of my height .Never had a chance to be fat. I was bullied with my classmates for being on the first line in the flag ceremony and being always in the first row in the classroom seats. I am always nervous every flag ceremony cause I always be the one to exert it in front.
In my elementary days, I felt so outcast because my classmates were matured because of their heights. I admit they're healthy looking while me being thin, pale and small. Even my siblings, they're fine unlike me. I don't know why, I even asked Mama, maybe I am small because I am lacked with vitamins when I was a baby. Lol. But she said I am not cause I'm complete with vitamins because of my father's siblings who spoiled me when I was a baby. And during her pregnancy, she have completed vaccines and vitamins too with regular check up. So, it gave me a big question why. So, being thin and small was the reason I can't play with my classmates and childhood friends aside with bahay-bahayan which we cooked leaves in a can. But playing with more activities to be done like tumabang preso, tsinelasay and many more, I can't cause I easily got tired. I easily got out of breath. In short, I didn't enjoy my childhood days that much.
DURING MY HIGH SCHOOL DAYS
When I was in high school, I am the second smallest in the classroom. Lol. I wasn't bullied but I can feel their superior attitude when they act in front of me. It was in my first year days. No one even dare to court me that time cause my God, I am like grade 4 hahaha. I'm also not like with my other classmates who's conscious with their looks. I also don't have crush that time so it's fine, and focused on my studies. When I went to second year high school, I got my first crush. Wahahaha. Everytime I reminisce it, all I can do is laugh hard. I've got a crush for a week, it was monday when I saw him. I like white complexion guy. I don't know but I like him that time. I always bowed my head everytime I saw him like duhhh ang oa mo dai. I always looked at him from a far within that week. But the next week, I looked at him and laugh out loud and asked myself why I'd liked him. I looked at him intently but I can't find words why I like him hahaha. I felt disappointed looking at him. I know, know, I am abnormal. I felt ashamed of myself too, cause how dare I have a crush, look at me. I told myself to look in the mirror. When I look in the mirror, I see a girl with little pimples, eyebags due to reading novels and short little girl with a thin body. I can say that I looked like a vampire cause I am pale white and I have dark eyebags below my so so circle eyes with a wide forehead. Lol. Since that day, I am not confident to jang out with my friends not until I'm a fourth high school. When I was a fourth-year high school, I found friends who helped me to have my confidence back. They're telling me I am not ugly and I looked cute (choor haha). They called me "dai'cute" hahaha funny. Since I am the youngest of the group. They treat me as their little sister. They love to braid my hair and I told them don't cause my forehead will be showed. Hahaha. But then they told me it's not ugly to look cause I have round face and chubby cheeks that it gave me the cute look. I though of myself, 'weeeh? Bola bola na yata ko ng mga to eh.'.
After high school, I enrolled to a TESDA, it's about make-up, pedicure and manicure. It was the day when I learned to take good care of myself as a girl. It was the time I learned how to put eyebrows and make up. I learned how to accept flaws and that accept what we have in our body. Aside that the trainor taught us about make-ups and all, he told us about self love. And that make-ups give a girl the freedom to be confident. So, I applied what I learned and accept what I am. I accepted about my thin body and small height. I also learned to use products that will make my little pimples to be gone and I used olay cream and kojic soap. It made my skin more fairer and light and true that my pimples were gone. It gave me the reason to be confident of myself.
DURING MY COLLEGE DAYS
When I was in college, I still remember the time that I introduced myself and tell my age. I was sitting at the back. When I told them I am 21 and running 22 years old, they looked at me surprised. Even the teacher laugh cause he thought I am joking. I still don't have I.d that time so I told them I am telling the truth. I looked one of my classmates told me I looked like 16 years old and a freshman. Hahaha I laugh at them and said I am not. It was the time that I felt proud of my height and thin body. They even said that I looked younger than them and that I have a baby face. Lol, they're very funny that time. I told them to call me Ate but then they were ashamed to call me that way because they're more older to look than me. They even asked me what's my secret of having a baby face. I told them to always smile and watch anime. Hahaha. All I can say is that my confidence brought really hard that time. That I can say, I love myself for what I am.
About my forehead and thin body
There were lots of people who told me that I have big forehead and it looks ugly. I will just smile and looked at them even if I want to say something about them too but I prefer to stay silent cause I don't want to hurt them with my words. It's true that sometimes it hurts but when I looked in the mirror, I will say to myself that I am beautiful. I don't care what they say cause I love myself hahaha. Though I've heard criticism about myself from other people, I never tried to insult them back cause I don't want them to feel what I felt even if the truth is they have lots of flaws than mine too. I am focused of making myself more lovable than wasting my time looking at them and criticized. It's better to focus on myself buying things that will make me confident of who I am. There are people who says I am like a stick for being this thin and it looks ugly but I will just say cause I am sexy. What can I do, I am born sexy lol. Anyway, it's good for me cause I can eat a lot without the fear to be fat and big. And my partner prefer me to have this kind of body than to be fat haha. I always told him what if I get fat and he said he'll bring me back to my parents. Hahaha . But he always buy me foods to eat, maybe he knows that no matter how much I eat, I will not get fat. And I am enjoying buying things that easily suit in me because I am thin. I can even wear kid sections clothes if I want to to look cute haha lol, perks of having a little body.
My partner's co-workers also can't believe that I am already 27 years old now and running 28 this coming September. They even thought that I am 21 years old. Wuohhhhh, they're making me flatter haha. Anyway, I can say that my height gave me the reason to be confident now. It gave me the advantage not to looked old hahhaa. Or I am just assuming? Haha
We have all the flaws and it is sometimes the reason why we're not confident. But all I can say is that, if we tried to embrace our flaws and imperfections. We can live a good life. And to be insecure with others will not give us the peace of heart and mind. We should not be insecure, instead we will make our self do things that will show our best. I mean, each of us are unique and we have different beauty inside and outside of ourselves, we just have to embrace it and flaunt it. Insecurities will just bring chaos inside and will just make all your senses shut and focus on it. So, do yourself a favor. A favor to love it even in it's imperfections.
Looking back during my highschool days, I could still remember how I was bullied because of my skin color an looks. I am not bothered being called "maitim/negra" because I know it's true. But no matter how they bad-mouth me, I will forever be proud of being myself. I am beautiful. We are all beautiful !❤️