This is Manju's article (my sister).
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There were times in our lives where we questioned our existence and purpose. We will feel like the world is telling us how useless we are and how we are not needed. There will be time that we're going to be drowned with thoughts and the judgemental voices of this world. We want to rest. We want to escape.
For some, highschool life is the most memorable phase in their lives. For me, I just wanted to pretend that it didn't happen. At this stage, you should be experiencing your first love, having your lifetime friend or even going out with your classmate after class. I've never experienced those. From the day my highschool life started, the only wish I had is for it end. I am not accepted for I am different than the rest of them. I don't dress like them, smell like them, laugh like them, funny part is that even my breathing is not like them as they said. I am not the invisible student, actually I received the most attention for being bullied. At some point, I prayed that fairytale was real. That when I'm in the middle of being treated badly, a knight in shing armor will appear to stop the bullies. Who am I kidding at? Haha. There's no such thing as fairytale or a prince. I have to live with it, I thought.
No one knows my struggle. I put up a smile everyday so that the fear and my cries for help will be covered. I am scared. I want to give up but I'm holding onto the reason why I'm putting up this fight, I have my family. I don't want to put the pressure on my siblings. I don't want to be gone, I just want it end. Every night, I cry asking "why?". Every morning when I wake up, "Here we go again", I thought. I don't know what my purpose is. I am afraid and hurt. Hurting myself physically has been my way out. If I feel the pain on my body, it will divert my attention to what I feeling emotionally. My scars had been discovered by my mother. She asked why, and when I am trying to asked for her help, the only thing I said was, "It's trending in our school". I got scared that I might involved them in this mess so I stay quiet. I feel like I'm just waking up to be a play thing for my bullies. Then I got tired. Tired of being a laughing stock. I'm tired of being weak and unable to stand when they knock me down. I want to fight back, I have to. I want to free, I needed to. So as they were bombarding me with insults, I took all the courage as I swing my fist to them. I didn't cry, I felt something I never felt before; strength. From that day onwards, I never let anyone look down on me. I'm still scared but I know now how to stand up for myself. I used this strength to saved others too. I became their voice when they were being muted by fear. I know now my purpose. I always thank God for not giving up on me and for giving me the strength to free myself from pain. I almost lose my hope, but He never lets me down. When I feel like my hand is slipping away, God will pull me back to the right track.
We may feel like we are not needed now, but if we have the courage to be strong, we will surely see the purpose why we breathe. Not everyone needs a hero. We can be the hero of ourselves. It is only us who can pick ourselves up when life knocks us down. We are strong and stronger with God. I learned to enjoyed my highschool life and make friends with my classmates. They even taught me how to use Facebook!
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