@Yen 1 February 2021 more from that month

What if I die?

For us humans , I think its our nature to have worries. Worry about anything that seems not fitting to the order. We worry about our financial status. We worry about our health. Worryness is everywhere. I came up to this topic because last night there's a question in my mind that makes me scared. That question is " ***What if I die? "*** . My husband and son already asleep and I am starring at them. ***What if I die?*** I am afraid that I will leave this world because of my family. I have a lot of questions on my mind that makes me feel scared. ***What if I die?*** *Who's the one who will take good care of my son?* *Who's the one who will fed him?* *Who's the one who will sing a song when he wants a lullaby?* *Who's the one who can understand and handle his tantrums?* *Who's the one who will teach him as he grew up?* I started to cry thinking those things because I have a lot of dreams together with my family. I want to take good care of my son until he can stand on his own. I want to teach him values that he can used in the future. I want to see him grew up as a responsible man. I want to see his wife and also my grandchild. After this thoughts of mine. The KDrama Hi! Bye Mama! entered to my mind. When I watched that KDrama I heard that there's a fear of death. It's thanatopobia. First time mom or a mother itself experienced this kind of fear because like my questions in my head that also a mothers questions. What if they die?

Hi! Bye Mama is a KDrama in 2020. The story of this KDrama is there's a ghost who back into life. It's a second chance to her to be able to see and touch her daughter and his husband for 49 days. Until now I am not move on with the ending of this KDrama because the choice of the ghost is still hanging on my mind because she has the chance to live again but her daughter will see ghost for her entire life. She choose to die again so that her daughter will not see ghost again. That's the sacrifice of a mother to her child. *What is thanatopobia?* It is a fear of death that can develop a problem because they are worried and scared but according to American Psychiatric Association , the thanatopobia is not a disorder but it can lead to anxiety. Symptoms of thanatopobia is only appears when you started to think about death. You will feel anxiety and distress like what I feel when I thought what if I die. The peak age of this death anxiety begins at 20 and it will fade away as you grow older. Both gender can experienced this anxiety but women might experience this phobia when they reached thier 50s. *Thanatopobia diagnosis.* Medically , thanatopobia didn't recognized as condition. There's no test to diagnose it but telling the doctor what was your experience can help the doctor understand it. But in the end , it will end up like anxiety diagnosis. *Treatment*. ***Talk about how you feel***. Share your feelings to someone and from that you can here advices from them and you feeling will be lightened because there's someone who listening to you. ***Relax and be optimistic***. Think positive thoughts and make it as a routine everytime you experience it. I do that everytime I am worried. ***Pray***. Pray to God for the strength. For the peace of mind and for the enlightenment. Trust his will and plans on you that he will never leave you. *Enjoy every moment of your life. Worrying is normal but never make it as a habit. Stay positive. Live life to fullest. This a note to myself.*