And I unsent all the messages just now.

Here I am again , writing something to make me feel atleast fine. I am not feeling well since last night as me and my husband had an argument. An argument that we didn't know if where do we need to place ourselves. I thought once we build a family we can do the things we want but I am wrong. Sometimes I asked myself why I need to experience this kind of situation. I don't have regrets it's just that I didn't expect life treated me that way. It's like a circumstances that I can't escape because of the love for my family.

So here the story.

Yesterday my husband went to my in-laws house because his brother asked him to fix the electricity application in thier house. He went to my In-laws place alone because we dont have service that time. When he reached the house by afternoon I asked him how's his day and he didn't talk that much. He was there at his aquarium looking at guppy's and then told my son " Kyrie sa Jaen na tayo titira ah". I heard this clearly but still I asked him what? He didn't said a word.

It's 7:50 PM when he asked me we can eat because he will drink his medicine. I was in my laptop that time because I am fixing my appics account. I went to the kitchen and start preparing for our food when he said again those words " Sa Jaen na tayo titira " . This time I confronted him and asked why.

He said that we need to live there because there's no one who will take good care of his stepmother. He said that his Aunt was crying while begging him to live in the house of my in-laws. I told him that I can't because I have responsibilities here and he said he will take to my father regarding the situation. I got mad and said to him. For the mean time let's live separately! Go and live in your house and I will live here. Do your responsibility there and I will do my responsibility here.

I can't do that because I am working and I can't take good care of my stepmom still. So there you go. I am the one who will take good care of her despite of the fact that I have responsibilities here and I am also making money online. I am fine with taking good care of your stepmom but I don't want to live there because of the set up in the house. I pity your stepmom but I will also pity on myself once I live there.

My father in-law and my mother inlaw live in the house but they are not in good terms. They have thier own lives there that's why they said no one will take good care of my mother inlaw. My brother inlaw, the eldest brother of my husband also lives there thier house was build connecting to the kitchen of my in-law, in our native language it's called sibi. They don't have a comfort room and they are using the comfort room of our in-laws. They can freely roam around the house even the dog that is so stinky. The set up of the house is like that.

There no stuff in the kitchen and my father in-law is cooking inside our room because my mother inlaw always get things that she see and put inside her room. My father in-law and my brother in-law is not also in good terms like they curse each other. You know the house is full of hatred. Every time we visit there they have different versions of story.

Then beside my in-laws house is the house of his another elder brother but they also have no care. Yeah they give food to my mother inlaw but it ends here. My father in-law and my second brother inlaw is not in good terms also.

My husband is the youngest among the siblings and it feels like they pressure me to live there. I am asking myself why me? Why not them. They are near the place but they are in hatred , they have no care.

Earlier I am crying while chatting the sister of my husband who lives in Baguio. Here's my chat translated to English.

Am I bad if I don't want to live in Jaen? Julius wants to live there because there's no one who will take good care of Ateng. I am taking good care of my niece here, we have a family problem and as an eldest child I am that one who take over of the responsibilities of my mother when she left the house. I don't know what do. If I leave our house no one will take good care of my niece. My sister is a single mom and she can't manage to hire a baby sitter. My mom will not go here because she's not in good terms with my father. My life is not easy here but I have no choice because I love my family. I have also problems. I am saving money for my husbands eye medication. To be honest I don't care at myself at all that's why I am sick lately. I am very drain. They have lots of relatives that are near to Ateng but no one ones to take good care of her. I am not in the position to tell things on my husband siblings but I will talk now because it seems like they are pressuring me. If I leave in my in-laws house I will also think about my family condition here. My father is not yet recovery with my mom adultery.

And there's a lot more.

But I unsent all the messages just now.

Am I bad for not leaving on my in-laws house? Is my responsibility to take good care of my mother inlaw even if I have responsibilities to. And why I am the one who will do that among the daughter in-law she have that is near to them. I don't know what to do. Feel free to judge me. Im okay with it. Call me selfish but I don't want to be in the situation that I am not comfortable in living everyday because of the people around me and I don't wanty son to expose in the environment like that.