@VoluntaryJapan 20 July 2022 more from that month

"Bigger in My Mind" When I told the girl I wanted her after years of playing her games she ignored me altogether  and told me to go on my way I was the butt of the jokes entertainment to pass the time though true connection did occur it was bigger in my mind My best friend loved to laugh with me and I loved to laugh with him though too much concern was too much work so it was best to keep things thin… I wrote him a lengthy letter to forge brothers once, for good hoping to understand better how we could be understood  The reply a dismissive sentence “there’s no problem, leave it behind” I guess the thing I thought was important was bigger in *my* mind My dad would lose his temper and things could come unglued a TV tray thrown through the glass heart pounding when he stormed through Later I waited, he picked up the shards for words of understanding to shine but he said nothing, so I just assumed it was bigger in my mind It seems I’ve been good comic relief a presence to help some unwind a willing and non-judgmental ear a decoration on the side These things I was eager to be for them but can’t help, now that time has passed, to marvel at their ignorance when they attempt to “bridge the gap” Search for your own lover, you told me “no” find acceptance in new friends in complete disregard you put me down  leading to this end: Me and my father are alright he tried to listen when I finally cried  but as for the others, the users, old lovers pond-starers with vacuums inside: I gave absolutely all I could! my imperfect heart worshipped your best but now that it’s been shredded there’s just not enough of it left I save it for my dearest ones they deserve it, they hear me whine  and even when I may be too much they listen, almost every time So if you think you’ll try and remake our shared gems that you’ve long maligned let it go, that time has come and passed, and now it’s bigger, in your mind