@VoluntaryJapan 5 January 2022 more from that month

How to Spot a Manipulator

Thoughts from the late nite, Blue Demon: While the labels “manipulator” and “narcissist” are probably bandied about a bit too carelessly these days, there is one dead giveaway every time that you are dealing with one: Namely, the refusal to — in some form or another — repeat your feelings back to you to be sure they understand. When someone repeatedly answers your expression of concern or feelings by just dismissively telling you “how it is,” even implying you’re wrong or strange for thinking how you do — even with “friendly” tones — they’re on some bullshit. Never fucking doubt it. I could suspect you were the most insane person in the world, but would still be willing to hear you out. Genuine feelings are valid to the feeler, whether true or not. And though a real friend will not sugar coat things when you are wrong, they also won’t shut you down without first trying to understand. When this pattern pops up, you’ve got a broken person pretending to be put together. Dismissive of the genuine and vulnerable. Good news is you can put up walls. Bad news is it sucks. Good news is there are better people out there. Bad news is it’s about three.