"Bigger in My Mind"

When I told the girl I wanted her

after years of playing her games

she ignored me altogether 

and told me to go on my way

I was the butt of the jokes

entertainment to pass the time

though true connection did occur

it was bigger in my mind

My best friend loved to laugh with me

and I loved to laugh with him

though too much concern was too much work

so it was best to keep things thin…

I wrote him a lengthy letter

to forge brothers once, for good

hoping to understand better

how we could be understood 

The reply a dismissive sentence

“there’s no problem, leave it behind”

I guess the thing I thought was important

was bigger in my mind

My dad would lose his temper

and things could come unglued

a TV tray thrown through the glass

heart pounding when he stormed through

Later I waited, he picked up the shards

for words of understanding to shine

but he said nothing, so I just assumed

it was bigger in my mind

It seems I’ve been good comic relief

a presence to help some unwind

a willing and non-judgmental ear

a decoration on the side

These things I was eager to be for them

but can’t help, now that time has passed,

to marvel at their ignorance

when they attempt to “bridge the gap”

Search for your own lover, you told me “no”

find acceptance in new friends

in complete disregard you put me down 

leading to this end:

Me and my father are alright

he tried to listen when I finally cried 

but as for the others, the users, old lovers

pond-starers with vacuums inside:

I gave absolutely all I could!

my imperfect heart worshipped your best

but now that it’s been shredded

there’s just not enough of it left

I save it for my dearest ones

they deserve it, they hear me whine 

and even when I may be too much

they listen, almost every time

So if you think you’ll try and remake

our shared gems that you’ve long maligned

let it go, that time has come and passed,

and now it’s bigger, in your mind