Message To My Mother Who Left Me

Here's my message to you mom. I know you can't read this but its okay I just want to shout it out my pain that I felt for almost 11 years when you left me. I hardly remember you because even when you were here, you weren't around much. But I do know that I looked up to you, and you were my bestfriend. This message isn't to make you feel bad for leaving me in my fathers parent. This isn't to make you feel like a monster. This is for you to recognize me, because it has been 11 years since you left. I know you'll never see this because you don't use social media. Mom there is something that I want to say that Im hurt when you left me. I blame myself for not being good enough. When you find somone and build another family and you didn't even ask for my permission that youre going to marry a man again since my father died already. That time I just didn't know what to do Im just feeling empty feeling like a baby whom being abandon. When you left me it impacted me for the worst. You live your life and I sometimes wonder; do you even think of me? I wonder if you go to bed thinking if you miss me and regret of leaving me. I spent every night of my childhood and adolecence things would you ever come home. Every birthday I always imagined you walking in, surprising me, but was always let down. Do you realize how much you missed? First boyfriend, first heart-break, first school dance,firs day of Kinder Garten, first day of elementary, graduation of being elementary, first day of high school, mother-daughter shopping sprees, everything. You're even missing my high school graduation and now that im in my college years you're not still here. Im being depress mom I miss you a lot. There's a night that I cry without sound. I just dont want anyone to findout of what happened. Despite of that I just to say to you that I didn't hold any grudges on you you are still my birth mother. You gave birth to me, but I have created my life a life you chose not to partake in. A life in which I am whole without you. Which is why I am letting you go letting you go not just you for being my mother but letting you go all the bad memories that happened between us. I truly am happy and I hope, one day, you will be too. Lastly, I want to thank you. Thank you for creating me. Thank you for giving me lungs to breathe from and a heart that beats. Thank you for teaching me how to deal with loss, how to grieve, and how to move on. Lets move on mom of what happened in the past live a happy life. Hoping to see you soon. Im hoping that you will contact me Im always waiting for you no matter happend. I love you.