Sexual Abuse

Hmmmn the rate at which the word rape has taken charge today as become more rampant. It is a non consensual sexual intercourse. It's often committed through force, threats or fear. (legal encyclopedia)

According to Wikipedia, sexual abuse is a type of sexual assault usually involving sexual intercourse or other forms of sexual penetration carried out against a person without the person's consent.

Most times, rape isn't always from a stranger but from someone you know, love and even trust.

But with a this have you ever think of why do they commit this ungodly act. Rapists molest because it's in their nature. Most men are insecure, that's why they rape.

Yes, just as it's in our nature to be angry, envious, sad etc, same is it with rape. Dressing provocatively, isn't a reason neither is flirting too.

Before you question me, remember babies, children and even old women are also raped too.

What of the male child? They are also molested by their own gender and vise versa. What curves does a baby, child, grandmothers and even boys got to show to deserve rape?

Have you ever imagine the trauma, abused victims go through?

I would be giving three categories.

a) PHYSICAL TRAUMA

The physical trauma most rape victims endure are as follows;

They may get Sexually Transmitted Diseases like HIV/AIDS.

And gynaecological diseases like; Dyspareunia(Painful Sexual Intercourse) I have had this. When I used to have sex, I used to experience pain during the intercourse. Chronic Pelvic Pain.

They sometimes get pregnant too. And I don't want to talk about the verbal torment they suffer from society too.

b. PSYCHOLOGICAL TRAUMA.

They become slaves to anxiety and fear. While others feel depressed as they couldn't decipher why they were raped. They isolated themselves from people. This particular trauma is shattering and painful. Oh, it's like the rape experience has left a deep scar in their heart and healing is quite difficult.

As they become anxious, they begin to blame themselves for someone's handiwork. They feel there's something wrong with them or they've done something which triggered the Rapist to come after them.

Yes, they believe they're to blame for being raped.

As they blame themselves, they begin to feel inferior. They watch as their self worth diminish within their sight and they do nothing about it.

Oh, they often times suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

The pain within them is so severe go them to endure hence they begin to have suicidal thoughts. They feel they ain't fit to live in the world. They feel that since their dignity and pride has been trampled upon, they don't have anything to offer the world again.

Trust me, they go through hell on earth.

c. SPIRITUAL TRAUMA

They feel God has deserted them.

Yes, hence they no more hold Him in high esteem. Some turn into atheist just because of what they've been through.

Indeed, rape victims go through hell on earth. And most times those gals don't talk and if you are not very observant, you won't know.

May God save our generation. There's no pain as hurtful as the one inflicted on a person by their loved ones and family because these are the set of people that are supposed to have your utmost interest and welfare at heart at all times.

Let me share you with a story that will make you see the reality in what am saying.

It was a hot afternoon, can't remember the exact day nor month. With everyone occupied with their daily hustle, I was in a deep and restful sleep when I felt a cold palm touching and caressing my thighs.

I opened my eyes to see my maternal uncle looking at me with eyes filled with lust. He tried to make me understand that he wants me but I refused to reach a consensus with him. He then decided to use force. I struggled with him yet it was in vain. He got on top of me and began kissing me. I clenched my eyes shut. As tightly as I could, hoping it would end soon. He forcefully entered me. I felt a sharp pain in my lower regions, it was like nothing I had ever experienced. I thought I was going to die.

Within a few minutes, the ordeal was over. He stood up with a large grin on his face.

Few days later, another uncle of mine got to know about what happened. He demanded his iota. I was so depressed to fight back which made his work easier. Within minutes, he groaned loudly, hurriedly dressed and left to his abode.

It's like dying in silence.. It's never the fault of the victim, at all.. I tell you. No one knew until I decided to speak up

From that day onward, they both kept coming to have their way with me. I travelled to hell and back but I was still surviving for a six year old girl. I'm way stronger than I thought. I have learnt learnt to live in constant pain and I don't try to fight my oppressors anymore. I just let them do as they pleased. I came to understand that, while others were born to enjoy the luxuries this world, I was meant to suffer.

Rapists don't always look like Lucifer, not like that street dog, you see chasing out the flies with its tail. They are people we live and dine with, even joke and play with. They are those we trust and are supposed to protect us from the evils of the world yet they use this power to manipulate us.

Most rape victims have chosen to stay mute not because they don't have any choice but because they are confused. They try to think of the reasons such a thing has happened to them.

Was it the clothes?

Were they too short or maybe too long?

Maybe the way they walked.

Did they flaunt the bodies too much to the extent of arousing the villain?

Are they supposed to be called the villain, when they are just a stone throw from us?

Or maybe they've been cursed?

All these questions yet we can't get the answers out of the manipulator's mouth.

Or maybe, because I'm a female?

Perhaps, as a man, they're supposed to inflict pain on the female gender sake of we've been labeled as weak.

But males get raped too?

I just couldn't get answers to the over razing questions in my mind.

For days, weeks, months and years, I had not talked to anyone about it. I knew that even if I did, no one would believe me. Even if they did, they would never confront them.

Have you ever trusted someone so much only for you to be betrayed?

Have you ever had someone you ever respected and defended only for him(her) to turn their backs towards you?

If you have, you would understand this part of this story.

When I was in the brink of my adolescence, I sought for a fatherly love. I wanted to be showered with praises, be appreciated for the little things I do. I wanted to be loved and cared like I see my friend's fathers do. I wanted to be hugged when I start throwing tantrums. I wanted to be patted at my back for a job well done. I wanted someone to wipe my tears when I'm broken and tell me that everything would be fine. I just got to believe.

...............and I felt, I could find that in a father.

I'd a man, who was probably my mum's age. He showered me with excessive kindness, care and love, the kind I would never find anywhere. I felt so cherished and loved in his embrace.

Sometimes, I go to his house to help him out with his house chores as well gist.

One cool dusk, I went to his place as usual to render my help. I saw him looking at me in a lustful way. My instinct told me to run but before I could even make an attempt, he held my hand. He scanned me from head to toe, then let go of my hand.

"I love you, Christy." He said.

"Just leave me alone." I said as I took a few tentative steps back.

"You don't have to be afraid of me." He whispered as he came closer to me.

"Uncle Charles, please." I begged as I tried to wipe the tears that were rolling down my cheeks.

"I said, I won't fucking hurt you. Don't you understand?" He spat out loudly.

I froze.

He got pretty close to me and pushed me down the bed. He got on top of me. I tried to crawl away from him but he got hold of my foot and pulled me back to him, pinning me down with all his weight, I could barely breath. A trillion things were going through my mind. My heart was aching. I curled up like a little girl with my hands wrapped around my knees, crying uncontrollably.

"You don't have to cry, can't you see I love you? You need to understand this is my way of showing you how much I love you."

He fiercely tore my dress and threw it down. I tried to scream but he covered my mouth with his palms. I struggled to free myself but it was in vain.

When I was completely naked, he ran his fingers through every part of my body, then he started sucking my breasts, he bit my nipples. In the process. It was extremely painful. I felt completely helpless.

He went in and out of me roughly as he was breathing heavily. I tried to stop him and pushed him off me but he was stronger, so in the end, I stopped fighting him. I shut my eyes and laid there like a plank of wood, waiting for him to finish.

After few minutes of what seemed like eternity, he rolled over and lay next to me.

"This is supposed to our little secret." He said.

"If you tell anyone, including your mum, I will kill you." He threatened.

For a short while, my mind went blank and I felt nothing. I felt numb and limp wishing that what happened was a nightmare and that someone was going to wake me up but none of that happened, this was my reality. The people, I so much trusted had forcefully taken away my innocence without an ounce of shame.

I stood up and slowly went home. I quietly went to the bathroom, I stood there as I poured the warm water on my body to soothe my pain.

I felt broken, betrayed and deranged. I sank to the floor helplessly, curled up in a festal position and sobbed.

It was there and then, I made a regretful decision.

If this is what they want.

My body?

I'd give it to them.

I wouldn't fight it.

That was why when my would to be step father came after me, I just let him in.

Right from there, I became a slave to sex.

It was my food.

I could hardly do without it.

No single guy came my way without me accepting his proposal. I used them to satisfy my sexual list.

My mind was dirty.

Filled with all form of sexual images and thought.

I could meet a guy today and undress him in my mind eye.

I was so sexually driven.

Gradually I became fed up with guys. I began to have a sexual attraction towards my gender.

This was triggered due to my interaction with a lesbian.

So I met her online, she asked for my nude but I refused.

I might have been naughty but I had never shared my nudes with anyone.

So she invited me to meet her doctor before we can do what lesbians do.

Hmmmm

I met the doctor who turn out to be a photographer and a Rastafarian.

The woman actually tricked me.

Since she knew, I wouldn't send my nudes, she positioned some one to do in the name of being a doctor.

I was quite annoyed.

I felt betrayed.

Though I loved to watch other people's nudes, I hate it when others see mine.

So ladies can betray their fellow ladies?

With so much pain in me, I blocked her on all my social media handles.

I didn't hear from her until one day, something happened.

The so called doctor, called to tell me that the Lady was so furious that I blocked her and she has threatened to post my nudes on social media.

I became frightened.

I removed my sim from my phone and completely destroyed it.

I never heard from them again.

But my interaction with her made females appealing to me.

I can meet a female today, then undress her in my mind.

So I got involved with another one.

You can call me foolish, mad but I was just a young girl hiding under a woman's body following the directives of her drive.

This time around, I did everything she asked me to do..

She promised to visit me in school.

A promise that was left unfulfilled yet led to my healing

I never heard from her for a long time then he showed up when I was gradually healing from the pain of being abused and betrayed.

She showed up as a he this time.

The person I thought was a female, was a male.

He began to blackmail me.

He asked for a nude video or Gh500(#50,000) else he will post my nudes on social media

I did neither of that instead, I spoke up to my school mum and an organization that came visiting my school.

They instead got me a counsellor and helped me redirect me back to God

I was a Christian while still practicing these immoralities.

I thought going to church on Sundays and Wednesday is what Christianity means but I was wrong.

I tried my best to abstain but it was quite difficult.

I kept stumbling over and over again

HEALING STRATEGIES FOR ABUSED VICTIMS.

Healing as a rape victim is a very painful and traumatic experience.

Most victims just mute up when they need to unmute. And that's one of the worst mistake a victim can do.

Do you know why?

Because keeping mute rather intensify the pain and the more it's intensified, the more the hole dug in the heart by the rapist deepens.

Some use sex to numb their pain while others develop a kind of hatred for sex. They do this as a means of gaining control over their abuse. This rather cause more harm than good to them.

Some blackout from social networking. They prefer to be alone with their thoughts. To them, they believe that's the easiest way of healing from the trauma of being abused but it rather worsen it as isolating from the rest of the world makes you have suicidal thoughts.

One vital healing strategy that has helped not only me but thousands of rape victims is knowing the POWER OF UNMUTING.

UNMUTING simply means SPEAKING UP.

When you get to understand the power behind UNMUTING, you'd utilize it to your advantage.

Whenever you decide to be mute, you're putting yourself under a kind of bondage.

Do you know the pain that comes with staying mute?

If you've been through what I've gone through, you'll understand.

So unmute so you can be free from whatever bondage you're in.

See, the demon that make people commit fornication, homosexuality, masturbation as well as to rape etc, hate to be revealed.

It is always hidden.

So if you decide to unmute, you're gradually getting hold of whatever bondage, the demon has on you.

I know that is the last thing you'd ever do. How can you forgive someone that has inflicted a lifetime pain within you?

I know it's hard but if you forgive, you free yourself from bitterness. Hurting people hurt people and perhaps, your abuser was also abused. That doesn't excuse the person or lessen the pain but forgiving your abuser will make you free from resentment, hatred and the at least heal part of the scar in you. You see, I didn't use heal you completely but used part, because the only one that can heal you completely is our creator.

The one who redeems and restores.

When you got to know about the negative effects of premarital sex, pornography, masturbation, etc, you will asked for Grace from God to abstain.

When you asked God to use you as a vessel to impact lives, you will be able to abstain.

It's not easy. You will still feel the urge but you will be able control it.

Thanks for reading...