@Tomi-Ajax
@Tomi-Ajax
It's been nearly two years since I last posted here. Life took me on a long detour. This night I remembered about this wonderful site, and all the memories that I had writing here. I can start using this site as a writing therapy because right now I'm in a dark place mentally and emotionally. I want to show up more consistently, one post at a time. If you're still around, say hi. Let’s reconnect.
@Tomi-Ajax
Random thought It's wild how the mind holds on to old pain like it's still useful. I'm currently scared because I ran away from responsibility I put on myself. Now I feel like a coward and I'm stuck in a hell loop of my making. I want to learn how to let go even though it might be slowly, but intentionally. Writing this post helps clear my mind but right now I feel like I am making the biggest mistake in my life by running away from my fears.
@Tomi-Ajax
Today Truth Lately, it feels like I’m moving through life on autopilot, stuck between regrets I haven’t forgiven myself for and responsibilities I keep dodging and right now binge watching series to keep the emotions away. I am not writing this for pity but just to write out the voice I have in my head. I have disappointed people who believed in me. Worse, I feel like I’ve disappointed myself. I ran from something I built with my own hands; something I once thought I was…
@Tomi-Ajax
Today’s Shift It’s been four days since my last post, and honestly, not much has changed. I’ve been in what I call my hell loop: a cycle of binge-watching series to silence my thoughts and escape the weight of everything I’ve been avoiding. Friends and family, have been trying to reach me but I didn't have the guts to pick thier calls, and now I feel like a bad person. Even though I know that escaping the moment only tends to fill up my regrets of the dreams and the…
@Tomi-Ajax
Night Note It’s nighttime, and tonight, I’m going to sleep knowing that today, I did something different. Though, I still feel like I’m carrying guilt, fear, and uncertainty. But I also took a small step toward showing up for myself. I exercised, I wrote, and didn't watch any series. That might not seem like much, but for someone who’s been stuck in a cycle of hiding, it means everything. I’m not out of the loop yet. But today, I didn’t let them win completely. I want to…
@Tomi-Ajax
*** Bonjour mes amis*** I just got back from jogging. Second day in a row. It was better than yesterday. Today, I ran 2km non-stop and I feel amazing afterwards. For some weeks, I have been lying or seating down without any form of exercise that's why I am proud of myself starting again. I'm glad to be waking up early, stepping outside, choosing to move when hiding or lying down would’ve been easier. I don’t know what the rest of the day holds, but for now, I’m proud of this…
@Tomi-Ajax
Today's update It’s been three days since I last posted, and here is a report of my progress. I have stopped binge-watching, it wasn't easy and I still constantly get the urge to watch something. I’ve also been trying to exercise every day be it morning or night. Yesterday, I did something I had been avoiding for a long time: I showed up to class even though I was really nervous. It turned out to be a test. I wasn’t fully prepared, but I wrote it. This post isn’t to say I’ve…
@Tomi-Ajax
Why I share I’ve been thinking about something lately—why am I sharing about my struggles, my failures, my small wins, here on read.cash. The first reason I can think of is that this platform isn't like other platform that is too public and harsh (like Twitter). People here respond politely or maybe it is because this platform has become a ghost site and most of my friends aren't longer here anymore. Right now, I'm treating this platform as a public kind of digital diary…
@Tomi-Ajax
27/07/25: Today’s Update I slept earlier than I used to on Saturday night and I woke up early (before 5am), and went for a jog (3.6km). My body was tired, but my mind felt clearer afterward. I went to church. For the first time in over three months. It was healing, and at the church one the topic treated was _"having confidence in God's presence"_ Right now, I’m reading in preparation for a test on photochemistry on Tuesday. There’s a class tomorrow. I’m nervous about going.…
@Tomi-Ajax
# Midweek update It’s Wednesday. I wrote my 2nd photochemistry test yesterday after preparing for it on Monday. I'm glad that I showed up. That alone is a win I won’t downplay. This morning, I jogged again—3.88km. My longest yet since restarting. It’s not just the distance that's important but the decision to wake up, step outside and do what is hard. Now, I’m preparing to go for class. But I have wasted some precious time scrolling on my phone because I'm addicted to it. I…