I hope you will understand

September 12,2021

Happy Sunday everyone! Today is the second Sunday of the month. And I am here again sharing to you another "food for the soul" writing that I hope you like to read and ponder. It's been quite some time now after I had started my every Sunday's sharing to you here. So, I hope it really is helpful to you and that the purpose of writing this and the rest was and will never be in vain. May God be with me cause I am facing so much struggles today and it's getting worst. That part of me would want to stop writing this but why would I? I asked myself. The Lord will fight this battle with me and I will continue to fight with my faith. So, I will continue. Please pray for me, I am actually having anxieties for quite some time, maybe it started last month and I think it's getting worst. You know lots of overthinking and worries that cover me and is like eating me whole. Please God no. Inhale. Exhale.

Please bare with me today everyone. I hope you will understand.

Author's note:

If you don't want drama or any emotional writings today, you can skip this one. It will surely brings some negative energy. As much as I want to lift your soul up for today. I need to fix mine first. I am really sorry about this.

Okay today supposedly my every Sunday sharing "food for the soul" article but then as I have started constructing my introduction I couldn't help but cry and I know to myself that I couldn't finished it. And I could'nt create any sharing for this Sunday. My emotional breakdown was into me. I don't know. I need to pore it out and I don't expect it to be today. But I feel this odd feeling the very moment I wake up this morning. Like the world was so heavy and like I just don't like moving, at all. But it's Sunday, mom is constantly asking me if I would not go out in bed and prepare myself for the church. So, I get up. Thinking that I need to go to church, maybe it would help me lighten up. But I failed. I went to church but my mind and my soul wasn't there. I listen the gospel, yes, I know it's about our faith which is dead without actions. But it wouldn't get through deep down in my mind and heart because it is so occupied with so many things. It's like I am present but mentally absent. I went home feeling empty. My soul is empty. I am searching something that I couldn't find. Am I? Or I just need to stop overthinking? What would I do then?

I am worried of so many things right now. First of because my English Proficiency Test is coming on Friday. And the fact that it will be held on far of place, so I needed money but I don't have any. Honestly today, I don't have even single centavo. But I don't worry of today but of tomorrow and the next days to come. I need to think of ways, I needed concrete plan. Oh! and my tuitorial that one also stresses me. It's been days that I am planning to come to see the parents of my students since last week Monday but tommorow will be another Monday and I still did not talk to them yet. Plus, tomorrow is the the first set of there modules. The fact that I don't really want to do it anymore, I mean the tuitorials but I don't have any choice because I don't have any job. And what would I do here in the house laying all day? (Well, that's what I have been doing since Friday) and it makes me so down and demotivated to do anything much more.

I am trying to reach out few friends but I guess they will not be with you all the time. I know that. I realized that in this world you only have one person to count on and that's yourself. I think the alcohol helps to give me sound sleep last Friday but worsen the level of my overthinking skills. I hate it. So bad. This would make me crazy but I guess not totally because I could share this to you here. I hope you will understand. Again I am so sorry. This article is so raw and just random and mixing up because I just get the feelings flowing and over flowing. But know you what? It help. It help me let go of the feelings that is boiling inside of me, the one that I thought would make me explode any moment. The tears help. And the words that I says here helps. I know it's just so simple and easy for you. But I guess I am exaggerating things through overthinking. Oh my God I need to pray. I will make sure I will talk to Him tonight. Poured all this out and make sure I won't be the same as I wake up tomorrow. I promise to you. I will deliver my food for the soul tomorrow.

I will fight as much as I can. I will make sure it will just be tonight everyone. Thank you so much for being with me tonight. My hands are so cold so as my feet. I don't know if I could type more letters cause I am trembling. I think I will end here.

For those who struggles the same. Let's fight this battle with faith. And make sure we talk to God, heart to heart.

I appreciate you all I love you.🥰