Cross my mind

There are sometimes that there are so many things running in my head. I wonder how they fit there. And I wonder how they don't get tired of running to and fro. I am the one who is tired of dealing with them all. They keep me entertained at day time but they keep me awake late at night. I don't know if I should be thankful about them but I think they are so much for me to handle.

Lately, I prefer calling the things that keeps me awake as my consciousness rather than overthinking. It's more positive and it gives me positive things on how to deal them. Actually, they are pretty much the same but I just handle them with different approach though. In that way it lessen the negative vibes than it usually bring.

I wonder if I could share these things to you for me to at least unload some of them too. It's quite heavy and frustrating. But please don't think that I am just being a huge drag to you. I am just looking for someone who could relate to me, for me to not think that I am alone with such big head living around. Anyways if you don't want to read this you can actually skip today. Thank you. But if you want to continue, I appreciate you so much.

Lead image from Unsplash

Before continuing, let me say my warm regards to my wonderful sponsors. Thank you so much everyone for choosing to journey with me. I appreciate you all.

The things that actually cross my mind are not necessarily deep, huge, and sentimental. It's just the things that I guess have cross your mind too. I don't intend of sharing all of them though. Maybe few that really had some sense hehe. I do have so much that the others are pretty much lame and no sense at all. Anyways let's start.

The question of when?

Basically a question of time. I talks about the timeline we all have. I do believe that we have our different timeline but my only question is when? When is my turn? Because it taking so much of my time and it's eating me whole and raw. I don't think I have much time to spend waiting for it to happen because I am not getting any younger anymore. But what is really I am waiting? Specifically? Because right now I don't know what it is. Was it love? Was it success? Was it stability? Was it maturity? Was it change? Was it miracle? Or just a breakthrough in general. Because I think it is. I have been into different time, different place, different situations but how come I end up right here, right now? I don't really know as well.

You do? Please let me know.

What should I do?

I don't want to waste my time waiting. I want to move forward, sidewards -left or right. But definitely not backwards. But I don't want to leave my current spot because I might miss the thing that I have been waiting for. I don't want to move even an inch because if I will, I might miss it, and can't turn back time. I don't want that to happen. And now I don't know what to do. Or maybe everything I do is necessary and part of the process. Was it? Or what I do are just a waste of time. Does waiting must be over soon? I don't know?

You do? Please let me know.

To start something revolutionary.

I do really want to start something. I don't know what's that something specifically but I want some change, thus I think I do want to start something revolutionary. Not a an act of rebellion or anything but a change, something that I could see new things, new result, new me, new routine. I don't know what is it. Sometimes I think I need to invest. I need to start a business. But what business is it? I don't have anything good when it comes to business. I don't know if I am more than willing to lose what I invested. Business is risky. Business needs a strong mind and strategy. And I definitely lack them all. I am not a risk taker. I don't have business mind. I don't know how to manage and I don't know if I could stand if I fall. Does it really needs to be business or any financial aspects? Or it's just me and my mindset which I needed to be change. I don't really know.

You do? Please let me know.

They don't want me here anymore

I don't know if it's true but I feel some neurons traveling to my nerve that says they really don't want me around anymore. I don't want to say who's they I am talking about. I know you will figure it out. I hear them talking about someone else though but the thing is it says so much of my situation which is "a grown up daughter who suppose to not depend on her parents anymore. She should work and don't give the parents a hard time feeding her". I don't want to be so emotional about it. I don't treat it as too personal but if I will analize the thought of it and be sensitive, which is I am really good at. Then maybe I should make a move. This is actually the reason why I write my game plan 101, the last time. I don't know if I am 100% sure about it but I will try my best. Just to move out in the house and could give at least few penny to help at home. Should I? Or just push to start a small business instead?

I don't really know what to do.

If you do. Please let me know.

I do need some advice. I am very open to hear something from you. I will appreciate it so much. If you reach here. Thank you so much for reading. It means a lot to me. That would be all for today friends. I am sorry if I bother you regarding things that are not supposed to be shared. I hope you will understand me this once. I want to lossen some of it which keeps crossing in my head.

God bless you all.