@The_primer 17 July 2020

Fidgeting

Fidgeting I couldn't control myself. I felt my body shaking. uncomfortable. I paced the rcom. felt that thing inside me tear me up on the inside..I needed that calm badly but l didn't want to do it - i was being pushed and pressed against the wall You cant control me. I screamed in my head "you cannot!" Then I laughed No, not me that thing inside of me laughed. that sinister laughed, that proved dominion. Still I shook. stood. willing myself not to give in I searched for calmness in my speech- i created you and I can control you. That laugh again even more sinister, then I ached. He made me eche so badly i croutched on the floor. hugging my knees. You caanot do this. 'You cannot do this." I repeatecl, rocking mysef but l ached the more I couldn't fight it as much as I tried so l resorted to begging. I pleaded because I accepted that it controlled me. lronic because i had created it, fedit and gave it the power to grow so much that l allowed it over power me and now i was being forced to serve. I begged and pleacled then my little brother came home and into the room, just back from school. As soon as I saw him that feeling embraced me, the ache worsened and I was tied up on the inside. The power took over and l submitted. I stripped the thirteen year old child and made him lie on my bed till my lust was satisfied, till the spirit became calm l remained on top of him. Pleasure surged in me and I let out a little scream of relief which lasted just few seconds then guilt barged in. I was ashamed. I let him go and locked myself in the room. I began to cry, that thing, that earlier feeling, that seemed to be tearing me up disappeared like it was never there, making me see that I could have controlled it if I wanted to but no instead I had molested a child 6 years younger than i. I went, feeling ashamed of myself...