My Simple "What If?"

       September 28,2021

Hoola, Tuesday! Is everyone okay? I Hope you are okay while I am not. 😕

I have this feeling that I regret some of the things I did before that made my life a bit miserable today in the sense that I still have some leisures and important things to do first before this current life of mine. 

There are lots of what ifs in my mind right now. And I cannot say that it is easy because for me it will never be. So these are the things that  should be done first. 

What if I give my 100% focus in the LET last 2019?

Surely, I passed. This always hinders me until now I am still in the stage of moving on. I am not fully moved on to the fact that I did not give my all. I did not give my full time scanning, reading, and memorizing the keys to hit the bullseye of the exam.😢

The time that I did my review in the review center which was the CBRC or CARL BALITA REVIEW CENTER, I was blessed because the review center we prayed for will open a branch nearby to our place. And how amazing really God is because He answered it. He put the review center the place we wanted and it was the first time that they were on southern leyte. What a great favor from above. 

And because that time I was enrolled in the review center, I gave my 100% trust in their quality system in catering the important details to the takers of the LET to boost our confidence to pass the board. And at that time I was very sure that I'd be able to pass the exam because CBRC is in demand and has good reviews from others. Unfortunately, I was wrong.😢 If I gave it my all, maybe I'm a licensed teacher now. 😕

As I looked around at the people, especially the teachers today, there is this insecurities inside me. The regret is engraved in my heart for not passing the board. Huhuhu  I want to shout to release this. I want to cry deeper alone, but I can't do it because I have my daughter always with me. 😥I already knew right after I took the exam that I couldn't make it due to the fact that I did not give my all in doing the review. I know my lapses, I know where I failed but I'm not indeed a failure.

Through God's help, my time will come. It is never too late to correct the wrong I did. Never too late to get the license I ever prayed for. I need to stand firmly for my family.💕

What if I follow my target age to settle down?

Well, this is not a joke. When I was still single, my target age to get married was 30 years old. I chose this age for me to really enjoy life first like travelling anywhere I wanted to and eating delicious food that I didn't try and many more. Also, to have a stable job first before committing to lifetime. But sad to say, that is not what is happening now. It is the opposite of what I really want. 

Being married now is not as easy as a piece of cake, the truth is, it is a never ending routine you need to do to accomplish all because you have a responsibility to do at home as a wife and a mother. This is a lifetime responsibility because you commit it to do so in front of God and to all the witnesses during your wedding. 

If I follow my target age to get married, maybe my life now would be happier and have lighter responsibilities to my family who is my mother. I will not be as stressed as now to think about what our dish will be for the next meal and where I should earn money for my baby's needs because everything that's on my mind now is all regarding my own lil family on how to have a better life ahead. 

However, that is life. We cannot control the happenings around us. All I need to do now is to give my best to my little family, especially to my daughter. I will give my full time taking care of them and be responsible enough to be with them at all times. I chose this life, then I must bear with it. It is not the end of the world to change the struggles I am with now. Instead, I need to be strong, move forward, find a way to support them, and be brave to fight the fears I have within me. (Laban lang! )

What if I don't have a child yet?

This is really confusing to the fact that my child now is my happy pill. She is my life now. She is the reason why I need to push and pursue life that I wasted before. She is my life changer and a blessing. 

The fact is there are still times in my life that I end up my day reminiscing about the past, thinking what if I don't have a child yet. Maybe, I am happier because I can do all the things that I want. I am not that stressed about the things that need to be done. I am free from the responsibilities of having a kid. 

But, having a child is a priceless thing. Money cannot buy the happiness I am experiencing now when I see the face of my daughter smiling back at me. It is absolutely a reward after all the hard work I did the whole day. Her smile is a relief of my stress after all. 

I am not saying that I'm not happy with my life now, what I am trying to say is that if only I did what I wanted to do before that made my life now much happier.

How about you? What are your what ifs in life?

Closing thought: 

All of us have what ifs in life. We all have experienced sometimes a miserable life that we did not expect to happen. But, life is a beautiful thing to enjoy. Even if that is a case that we have a full of what ifs, we should always remember that we are not alone. We have a God that will help us to go through the situation we are suffering now. He is faithful to His words. He will never leave us. He is our emmanuel, meaning he is always with us. 

Let us just keep grinding, keep moving, keep hoping, and keep praying that everything we want in life will be fine in the soonest days of our lives. 

That would be all for today. Thank you for reading and dropping by. God bless for all of us.💕 

Lead image: google