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Surrounded But Still Alone

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Written by   55
9 months ago

Have you ever felt that moment in your life, when you're at a party or a celebration, there's a lot of people around you, people you know and are acquainted with. and yet you still feel alone.

It's not that you have a problem with them or anything. You're not even in a bad mood at that time. It's just that you feel... empty, as if you're not really there.

I've had that feeling so many times in my life. They come and go as they like, and when they do come, I feel really strange.

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To this day, I'm still trying to find out more about myself. How I feel about someone or something, how I react in a certain situation, how I interact with others, how I see myself in the present and in the future, and so many other things that are still jumbled up in my mind.

A recent post by @Theblackdoll titled Art of Knowing Yourself has got me thinking about this particular feeling that I had for a long time.

In her post, she stated:

credits to @Theblackdoll

and I felt certain similarities with her statement.

To be frank, I might need to experience more stuff to be able to fairly judge myself, but let me talk about a small of my life so far.

If you asked me whether I'm an introvert, extrovert, or ambivert, I might be more inclined to say that I belong to the ambivert section. I won't be so friendly to total strangers, yet I might be one of the noisiest people you know if you're a close friend of mine IRL.

In my life, I've made friends with a variety of people, whether it be from races, skin color, religions, ages, you name it. By joining read.cash and noise.cash, I've even befriended people from different countries and regions all over the world.

Most of the time, I take the initiative to introduce myself to them and try to start a conversation, so I wouldn't really call myself a shy person by any means. In those times I tried to befriend other people, I received various responses as well.

While most responded in a friendly manner, some weren't so kind. One time I just got ignored and the person just left and another time, I even got mocked because they thought that I was weird for being too friendly. There's a word for it in my native language, but I just can't find a good translation for it in English.

Anyway, I've strayed away from the main topic. What I'm trying to say is that I think I've got a part of extrovert in myself from a few moments in my life.

As for the introvert part, if you ask me whether I'd spend my weekends staying at home or going out to have fun with friends, most of the time I'd choose the first option. I don't know if my living condition and upbringing help shaped me for that answer, but I find staying at home more comfortable than socializing with people.

In the case that I do go to an event with a lot of people, I feel kinda lonely sometimes. It doesn't matter if I go with my friends, parents, or relatives, I just feel like only my physical body is there, while my mind is wandering somewhere else. Some other times, I feel like everyone is just like faceless creatures talking to each other while I'm the only one there who looks different.

I know it sounds weird to you, but I myself am struggling to find the root of the problem. Whether there's something wrong with me, or that I'm just a loner. The thing is, as I said before, I do find certain moments to be enjoyable, just not most of the time. I've tried going out some more and talking to other people in gatherings, yet sometimes the weird feeling pops up again.

The only solution that comes to my mind is to just live with it and accept it as a weird quirk of myself. Honestly, I don't really have any problems with feeling lonely at parties or big gatherings as I can just play with my phone or just avoid the whole program altogether. I just hope that people won't think too strangely of me when I blank out in the middle of a party.

In the meantime, what about you? Have you ever felt like you're alone in the middle of a crowd of people you know? Or do you find yourself either a true introvert or a true extrovert? Let me know in the comments!

Author's Note

Lead image credits to unsplash.com

I took the title of the article from the lyrics of an Ed Sheeran song, can you guess what song it is?
PS: it somehow related to the title of my article about Aphrodite

Anyways, this is my entry(?) to @Theblackdoll 's prompt/trend about knowing yourself. I find writing this really enjoyable as I rarely try to take a deep look at myself, and this gave me the chance to do it.

If you find it enjoyable, kindly check out my other works below:
The Tale Of A Beautiful Soul

Please Don't Expect Too Much From Me, Mom

If Only I Listened

You can also find me on noise!

~Thank you so much for all the support, stay tuned for my next posts!

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Written by   55
9 months ago
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Comments

I am introvert big time :D

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9 months ago

I can see that in your bio 😏 heheh.

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9 months ago

Hello, have you heard about temperament types? From what I could read from the description of your moods I could tell you that you have a mostly melancholic temperament. It would be a matter of doing some research on that temperament so that you can keep discovering yourself. In some ways you and I are alike. I have a combination of mostly two temperaments: melancholic and sanguine. On the other hand, I could tell you that feeling lonely is a state of mind. Just like when one is depressed, or afraid. It is not bad to feel alone. It has happened to me a lot. But I fight it quickly, because if you don't fight that state of mind you fall into depression, and it is dangerous. I enjoyed reading your article, I found it interesting. Greetings. Oh, another thing, you are not weird, ok.

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9 months ago

Thank you! I'll look into it. I really need to fight the loneliness to stay away from depression. I feel like it's really ungrateful for me to be depressed considering the state that some people are living all around the world is way worse than mine.

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9 months ago

Hey dear.. You have touchy words in this entire story. Don't be upset. We are there for you. I am also. Count me in.

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9 months ago

I can relate I would rather be alone than go to gatherings or crowded places. There are so many people around me but I feel like I am alone. Unless the person is with me I am comfortable being with and we are close. I remember when they invited me to go out but I refuse saying I was busy but the truth is I prefer staying in my room. So exhausted being with them and I'm just out of place as always.

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9 months ago

Yeah, I really feel like that most of the time. I don't particularly hate crowded places or gatherings, it's just that I find my home more comfortable. Thanks for sharing :)

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9 months ago

I myself have already written a few posts talking about it. You would even find it very comfortable to read many writers here on this platform who express feeling the same as you. I have felt so alone in meetings where having a crowd present it shouldn't sound logical for me to feel that way. But it is what happens. Sometimes being in company doesn't mean you feel that way. Sometimes feeling alone doesn't mean I'm not accompanied.

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9 months ago

I'm glad that I'm not the only one who feels this way, and I really agree with the last sentence you mentioned. Being alone doesn't really feel lonely to me.

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9 months ago

I feel you sis. We had our company-wide Xmas party yet I was alone. I dressed up for that occasion but I felt I didn't belong. I went home.

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9 months ago

Aw... sorry to hear that. I very rarely dress up for parties and gatherings and I just use the most casual clothes that still fit the event I'm going to, but I know that must feel bad :(

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9 months ago

Yeah, I loved dancing but I didn't dance that night.

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9 months ago

Same with me, a well-well person no people hate us nor no people like us that much too. Where just in the middle. Being alone when there are people soround you is worst than being alone in a desert. But we should accept it, we can't pleased the to like us

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9 months ago

Yep, I also try to live with it. If I can't handle the situation anymore, I'll just go home and have fun by myself.

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9 months ago

I can somehow relate to that feeling of being empty or alone in the midst of a party or gathering and I just think it as my mind's signal that my system is not in tune with the ambiance or I was forced to be there :D

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9 months ago

I guess that I'm just not in tune with the crowds for most of the time 😅. I rarely get forced to be at a place as I'll just straight out reject it if I don't feel like going. Thanks for sharing your experience :)

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9 months ago

Haha, maybe :) You're welcome :)

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9 months ago

There is nothing wrong with you, there are hundreds and thousands of people who do not focus on crowds, not because they do not want to but maybe there could be so many reasons... like, waht if you cannot relate to the topics they are talking? what if they are being offensive or going off-topics, some people spend all the time bragging, I do not want to open my mouth around them... the fact that you think it is wrong is sad, no you are not wrong to wander around... it's just some human nature :)

Thank you for participating :)

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9 months ago

Thank you for the kind words and the chance to participate :) I guess you're right, there are so many reasons for my behavior if I take a closer look, and some of them you've just mentioned.

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9 months ago

I do not like to participate in crowds in general, not gonna lie people frustrate me.. anytime I go to a function, aunties all over be like, my son is this, my daughter is that.. nobody cares, nobody asked.... I would rather focus on read or Noise or something productive rather listening to tht.. Trust me, you are good

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9 months ago

I do feel like that sometimes in gatherings but with time I got to see myself differently, I gained the confidence I needed. It isn't bad to feel that way in a crowd where they don't care to carry you along. You are a lot more better than them.

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9 months ago

Hahah, that's a really positive and confident way to look at it! I'll learn to see myself the way you did. Thanks for stopping by!

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9 months ago